The irony with pleasing others is that you cannot please yourself at the same time, so every time you don't do something you really want or you do something you didn't want to but felt pressured to do, you prefer them over you.
There is another group that says that they don't give a f* about others opinion. It's easy to say "I don't care what others say", or "I do not care about what they think of me", because if you take the time to even say it, it means that deep inside of you, you care, a little bit maybe but you do. Which isn't bad either. The bad thing is the unconsciousness behind believing that you do not care when in reality you are protecting yourself every time you even mention it.
For instance, this is my own case, I care what others think about my posts most of the times, just to name one example.
I care about other's opinion, it's a fact. I accept it, I embrace that fact... But that doesn't stop me from doing what I want to do (not anymore.) I continue doing my thing and trying to be true to myself despite them.
Reality is when some people disagree or dislike my posts, that will indeed matter to me. Then I will remember that it's the normal process in human beings to (have and) express their opinion, as it is also for them to return to their regular lives a couple of seconds after where I am not part of their world anymore, and so they forget about me. Same happens with family and friends.
So how about next time you say with pride 'I don't care what they think about me', you turn that pride into acceptance and awareness?
First, check out if that statement is true. Most likely, you still feel something when you say it, and if so, say this to yourself:
My old me, my unconscious me, cares about what others think, but even though I feel things in my body and certain emotion (maybe a tiny one) gets fired up when I think of other people having an opinion about me, I become aware today of it and I choose from this point of consciousness to make decisions for myself regardless of how that feels.
You'll realize over time that nobody really cares about you more than a couple of seconds or minutes and that everybody will go on with their own issues after that. But yes, that takes some few steps: first awareness, then acceptance, and after that, you will go through the discomfort of feeling their disapproval or else, your idea about their disapproval. Your job is continuing being yourself despite that discomfort, onwards.
Other's opinions can only harm you as long as you allow them to, and by becoming aware that you care and feeling that discomfort, you are closer to transcend it.
“What you deny or refuse subdues you. What you accept transforms you.", said Carl Jung, and I totally agree.
Love and peace,
Mindi
Sex is one way of pleasing yourself and the other, in my opinion. With the part of "I don't give a f*ck" I totally agree and I started to practice more and more. Trying to please anybody and fit everyone's opinions is never ending road. I pay attention though to others opinions simply because some great advice might emerge from time to time, but I do a lot of filtering.
Of course!! There are things in life that you should care about, sex is important. This isn't about not caring about anything but about putting yourself first, as a priority. It's okay to do something that others want you to do if that coincides with what you want. Stay true to yourself is what I talk about here. Thanks for commenting! :)
I like this post Mindi. You and I are going through similar processes. I too suffered years of living based on pleasing others, but no more. Although that wiring is still in me so those thoughts come back from time to time.
I love that you bring up the other side. The “I don’t give a fuck what they think...” as still caring, underneath, what others think. This is true. “They”, the “other” wouldnt even come to our minds if we TRULY didn’t care what others thought.
I call this false bravado. Yelling “I don’t care” to overcome what’s true, that you do care, is employed by people rampantly today. I think it’s fine to use as a tool. To help us get over the stuck hump and do what we want to do even though we are afraid of what others will think. The key is being honest with ourself that we are using that technique as a tool vs believing and clinging to our own false bravado as truth.
Hey! So brave of you going through this process as well.
In the end we all are, but not everybody is aware of it. And I believe that's the key to many of our 'demons', awareness.
So nice to connect with you, (what's your name?) I love exchanging thoughts with like-minded people. I value your comment and honor your journey. Bless!!! Mindi!
My name is Cindy. Nice to “meet” you here as well. You’ve been here as long as me, but our paths just now crossed. It is so nice that a group of open minded self seekers is growing here! Yes, we all have our demons but the key is awareness. Hugs
Nice to meet you too! Hugs back!