Hi @maninayton,
It is very interesting what you are thinking, as I was thinking exactly the same (until a while ago)
I had similar question to yours
Why are you such a cruel and jealous god?
I found my answer in the map of consciousness, made by Dr. David Hawkins. I wrote a bit about my experience with God in my posts, Part 1 and Part 2.
They are old so I am not asking for votes. Just suggesting them to you if you wish to read another point of view :)
I stopped writing about the subject because I didn't find much enthusiasm (also I am still new) but I intend to write about it eventually.
Also, I shared my beliefs about "God" in a nutshell somewhere below. If you wish to read them as well.
Finally, I will be happy to hear your opinion and comments (as well as others of course). I like discussing such subject because it makes me think more and try to understand things from a different and more abstract perspective.
Many thanks for the discussion to you and to @nextgen622 :)
Hello again @theleapingkoala. Sorry for the delay in replying to your comment. I have read the two posts you mentioned and I applaud your bravery for rejecting the kind of religion you were raised in. I am conscious of the types of sacrifices you must have gone through to have done so. I have heard that teaching religion to children is a form of child abuse and I tend to agree. It is brainwashing of the most insidious kind.
I'm not so sure of the validity of the Map of Consciousness you mention in your second post. I must admit to never having heard of it before but having done a little research on the subject it seems to be a very subjective methodology where people are asked to rate how they feel which in itself is full of pitfalls. I am very suspicious of any approach to mapping the human consciousness which tries to place a value on how people feel and their spirituality (what ever that may be!).
May I ask you a personal question? Why do you feel the need to have a god of any kind at all? Why do you need some kind of overseer to enable you to live your life? For me, the majesty and mystery of the world and the universe and my awareness of my very, very small place in it are enough.
Dear @maninayton, Many thanks for your answer, for reading my posts and engagement in the discussion some more.
If you want to understand how the map of consciousness was found, I suggest you read the books written by David Hawkins himself. He is a psychiatrist MD who did a PhD. I believe they teach this to psychologist as I know the psychologist that I have been seeing knows about it. However, I see that you write about mental health, so you may be in a related field of psychology and know more than I do about what you study.
However this is not to convince you of its validity or anything. Speaking from my experience, this map made a lot of sense to me and was the most important stepping stone in reaching my current state of happier living and peacefulness.
As for your questions
In my personal life, beside the abuse of religious brainwashing, I lived a very tough life for a long time. There was a lot of psychological and physical abuse, to name few. I am happy to answer your personal question as I started writing my personal story, if you are interested to read it for more understanding of where I come from. You can find it here, Part 1 and Part 2
But the answer to your questions in a nutshell is, my need to have a "God" of any kind is not because I want an overseer that enables me to live my life, but because I need to be set free to live my life while knowing that I am loved for who I am and protected because I am loved and worth this love (Things I have never felt back at home, neither I felt it when I came to Canada). Such unconditional love is hard (if not impossible) to obtain from another human being.
I have been living alone for the past 10 years in Canada, fighting my own demons from within. Having true freedom from the guilt and fear, the number 1 enemies to a woman that was raised on strict religious rules yet living (and wanting to blend) in a society where all these rules do not exist, is extremely difficult. Not only that, the existing rules to belong to this society are the opposite of what she has been taught.
Love, peace and trust is what I want to believe in "God" for.
Hello again. I read your posts and although I have (luckily) no experience of the kinds of things you must have gone through, my admiration for your bravery in breaking free has increased tremendously. I will attempt to do some reading of Dr Hawkins's publications as you suggest but I'm pleased that he has helped you find happiness and peace.
Although you say your god gives you unconditional love I would question that. Do you not feel that you are being watched and judged all the time by this god? Isn't your god still ruling your life to some extent? Are you really 'free'? Lots of questions I know and I'm sorry if I'm pushing you but I find it fascinating to talk to someone with your background and experiences.
On a personal note. I'm not a health professional of any kind. My writing on mental health stems from my having a son with autism and how it has affected him and my family. I have also suffered from mental health issues myself so it is a subject with great meaning for me.
I have followed you to keep up with your story. Until next time - take care of yourself.
Dear @maninayton, Many thanks for your kind words of support and encouragement and thank you for the follow and upvote.
I am very happy to discuss this topic with you as well. It only make me grow more by having different perspectives and understanding, so please don't feel any hesitation to ask anything in your mind. I will answer you to the best of my ability. However, I would like to say that some answers will become clearer as I write my personal story and how I reached where I am now and why.
As for your questions:
The answer is, I used to feel that way but not any more now. My God is not ruling my life anymore but is guiding me when I ask for his guidance. I may not be completely free from all the old BS I was taught for a long time (the fears, the anxiety and the lack of trust comes back from time to time) but I am getting better to deal with them and neutralize my negative feelings, as long as I am feeling the love and support of my "God"
It is hard to explain it in words I guess. But I hope as you get to know my story, it may give you an insight of what I think or feel now. Actually, that was the number 1 reason I decided to write my personal story. To convey a message about my "God" that I can't convey otherwise.
Thanks again for engaging me in the discussion and for your support :)