Thanks for your analysis. Unfortunately, my memories of what went on in the dreams faded rapidly, as is common in dreams. In the future, I will try to record a narrative of the dream and return here for further analysis.
As for the feeling I have in these dreams, they are distinct thoughts accompanied by a strong feeling. Although I can't recollect the mental scenario, the feeling of frustration is persistent in my memory.
The significance of this feeling could be a reflection of my current situation in life as dictated by the realities of aging. However, this is just a quick response. I think the frequent repeating of the frustration theme deserves a deeper probe so I will spend more time investigating the underpinnings of this phenomenon. Psychonautics and similar techniques are not foreign to me and they will provide interesting methodology for self-exploration. Thanks again for your input.
Oh that's interesting and could be. Do you feel like your body isn't up to certain tasks?
I would have to give a simple yes to that. When you are young, you do 10s of 100s of actions every day; fill the coffee pot with water, pour it in the coffee machine, get the coffee can out of the cabinet, search for a spoon, clean the spoon, get involved with cleaning caked on food on the spoon, fill the filter with coffee, be careful to not spill the coffee all over the place and on and on. And that's like all in the space of a minute.
Multiply that by 100s and you have the makings of a person's daily activities. Most of it is not really inately enjoyable but you do it anyway to be a good member of society and do your part. When you are old and retired, it is easy to just skip a lot of stuff because it is not essential and you were not really interested in it in the first place; like cleaning the muck sticking to the blades of a ceiling fan for instance.
I think what I am trying to say is that it is not so much physical inability as it is the spiritual bankruptcy of daily routine activities that inhibits me.
One of my favorite Buddhist stories is the one about a young seeker who consulted with a wise old monk who was reputed to have attained enlightenment. The young man asked the monk what it was like before the old monk attained enlightenment. The monk replied, "Chop wood, haul water." Then the young seeker asked the monk, "What was it like after you became enlightened?" To this the old monk replied, "Chop wood, haul water."
I feel you with mundane reality. My character is one that has lots of motivation some days and very little on others. Waxing and waning. I ENJOY getting the house organized and clean on certain days. I DREAD unloading the dishwasher on others. I've noticed that the more I unload my conditioning (and find myself inching closer to enlightenment) the less awful mundane activities are on the 'don't wanna' days. I think ultimately we reconnect with the joy of existence and even counting grains of rice becomes a joy because you can get so 'in the now' that you are one with it. I'm guessing that this has a lot to do with dropping every other concern, belief or hurt and letting go totally into the exact moment with 100% focused attention. Life can be a breathing meditation when we give all of our attention to the tasks we resist (and thus stop resisting them). We can even begin to see it as a loving service to ourself or others. Making coffee can be an act of meditative appreciation. Not because coffee is good for us necessarily, but beceause we are giving ourself the gift of a pleasurable drinking experience. Coffee is such a nice morning ritual. It's not a healthy one (for me anyway - doesn't exactly stop me) but it's a gift of experience. Folding laundry sucks but the gift is the peace of mind that comes with organized drawers. I'm starting to motivate myself to declutter right now, ha! There would be less 'stuff' to do if i had less stuff that needed attention.
The difference between chopping wood before and after enlightenment is the lack of resistance to it in the latter.
Sometimes lack of joy comes from never doing anything OTHER than these mundane things. My dreams tell me to be more adventurous with my time here. I used to travel all over the world in my 20's now that I'm almost 40 with 2 kids (9&2) I barely get out to go to Target. That's my own fault. I have the power to create whatever life I want. So I'm gonna. :)
And it has to start with realizing that writing every day and taking care of my daily tasks is how I'll acquire the resources to make it happen.