I know this metaphor is grossly overused but
I really do know why hurricanes are named after people now.
I know now that what it was, what they were to me, was not love (Or at least, I really hope not. Or at least, I refuse to allow it to be).
So obviously (if my shaky start didn't make it incredibly clear), I'm not very sure what love is
but I definitely know what it shouldn't be.
And love shouldn't be second guessing and walking on eggshells and waiting for calls that aren't going to come. Love shouldn't be hard. It shouldn't hurt more than it heals. And when that realization hits you, and you have to make a change, the results can leave you torn apart with your heart on the floor.
Now, I've never really been one to let people in. It could take you months to break down my wall only to realize I had been quietly rebuilding another one behind it. I guess I always figured that it was easier not to let anyone get too close than to get my heart broken.
I mean, when you finally find the first person who treats you like you're somebody, treats you like you're more than what you have convinced yourself you are, it's easy to fall head over heels.
And that's really scary.
You're told that love is magic, that love is kept promises. You're told that love is rapid heartbeats and drive-in movies and the color of their eyes being your new favorite color. You're told that if its done right, love should be forever.
But they never tell you that sometimes people fall in love just to fall back out. You're not told what to do when the love of your life leaves you alone in a train station or their key on the kitchen counter.
I guess these are the questions that inspired this blog post (which is all over the place, I know):
What do you do when the person who was your everything, suddenly becomes nothing? What do you do when them leaving makes the world you once loved suddenly taste like dust?
And often with them, they take the things that gave you a reason to get up in the morning. Right before your eyes, Sunday brunches and walks on the beach begin to taste bitter and you're old habit of drinking diet sodas kicks back in because the person who cared enough to help you stop, didn't care enough to stay.
I think that all of these set expectations of what love should be can leave you even more confused than you were when you started. The truth is, love is limitless. It can be looking into the eyes of someone who feels like home or it can be your mothers cooking. Love can be your father kissing your head after a long day at work. Love can be the way your grandparents look at each other or the way your dogs head fits perfectly on your shoulder. Love is more than the definitions and the limits we try to put on it. (And, Frankly, the only thing that's limited is yourself for thinking that there can only be one kind of love).
And I really do believe that we are more than the people who couldn't love us. I believe that we were valuable way before they told us that we were and we will continue to be long after they are gone. I like to believe that we are stronger than the walls we build. I believe that doors really do close so that windows can open. And call me naive, but I do believe that there is indeed life after love (I'm a sucker for Cher references).
There is so much more waiting for you after heartbreak.
So when they leave your heart on the floor,
pick it back up.
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After being married for 10 years and together for 12, I can tell you one thing- Love is a choice that two people make everyday. It's hard work to make that choice when the other person is depressed, or being annoying... But if you choose them during those times, and they choose you, then you will make it. When we say that love is magical, we dismiss the work- but love is magical the way that having a baby is magical, or building a house is magical, or creating music is magical. It doesn't just happen- it requires sacrifice.