Love is a strange old thing.
As I said in my last post I'd tell women in my early twenties that I loved them without actually being sure what love actually was. My version of love was a bit genuinely screwed up.
I knew love as my Dad battering me behind a curtain in a pub because I was tired and wanted to go home. I knew love as my Dad screaming at me at the top of his voice and smashing a plate against the wall because I was eating too loud. Love was shouting and screaming because me,
I wasn't perfect.
And Dad was trying to protect me from myself.
I knew love as Mum waiting for days, weeks, sometimes months for her partner to come back to us, and her, crying on Christmas day, alone. I knew love as Mum falling in and out of relationships, all through my time with her, never to have that one steady guy that was always reliable. I also knew love as Mum incessantly worrying about everything and anything.
Love for me was pretty damn fucked up.
That's putting it lightly.
So when it was time for me to enter potentially loving relationships in my later years no surprises how all of them ended up. In fact, I think my longest ever relationship lasted for a month.
And then I worked on myself
And as I began to grow and aspire and do good things with my life, and feel good about doing them, I would look back and think,
"Wow dude, you're pretty damn awesome"
So in short I started to like myself. Think positively about the way things were going, and feel good about what I was actually doing with my life.
But loving myself didn't stop at feeling good in my career and life I later realised. It also requires a certain amount of care. If I'm unwell, then I'll take myself to the doctors. Understanding the right foods to take and what works with me and what does not. Understanding emotions. Keeping healthy. And maintaining healthy friendships.
Loving myself was also caring for myself.
And when I finally knew what loving myself truly was - then I knew how to take that feeling onto others. I now know what love is.
And then I met an amazing woman. After a good four or five years of solitude. One like I had never been with before. One that treated me as a person and not an object. Safe to say I was swept off my feet from the start.
When I said to her I loved her, I knew I meant it!
And she knew it too.
The less I care about opinions that disagree with me is the better my life gets.
Nice. I agree with this post :)
Right on, ftp every one else
Ah man hit home, it all starts as early as childhood. Most don't realize it until they get older and wonder "what is wrong with me"? But once you realize and accept to love your self first everything becomes more clearer. Great post once again.
Thank you, and yep. Childhood is the root in my opinion :)
Can't agree more.
Wow dude! Nice post, it feels like i'm reading my own story! Keep it up!
Yea most of us can relate in some aspects of the post.
Thank you :) Nice to hear you say that!
This reminds me of a sad song that is beautiful, by my favorite rock band of all time, Alter Bridge. Look up "Watch Over You" if you haven't heard it.
One of the lines is: "How can you love someone; and not yourself?"
I LOVE THIS post. Following you, you have real heart. And you don't shy from meaning and purpose.
Thank you - I love that you said that. Many more to come in my mind-bank :)
Agreee...agreee :)
Your occupation may be the best way of overcoming loneliness. Try using periods of depression to show your professional skills.
This in itself is a good idea - but what about showing 'yourself' your professional skills :)
I agree with you, for showing skills for yourself can be the best way to boost self confidence.
Thank you, for taking the time to speak in my language! Really appreciate that :)
Thanks for the pick me up... Makes life give a new meaning.
To be in love is to be truly vulnerable. Utterly exposed. Naked in the wind. My partner could literally destroy me, my life, everything I've worked for with a few carefully chosen words, but she wont do that. She won't because she knows that she has that power, and I hold that power with her. She needs to know that she has that power...
It took me months, even years, to realize that was the root of most of our problems. I wasn't giving her my all... just what I felt comfortable giving.
It's not until you come out of that comfort zone will you truly experience love.
True , so true. Said just as I did on my last post. Awesome :)
Good inspiration and motivation to get people to develop self-care or self-love and heal themselves!
The expansive force of consciousness (love) manifests internally through the state or condition of being unified from within: as we think, so we feel, and so we act. The way we act reflects what is going on in our heart/care and mental center. There is no internal contradiction or opposition between the three aspects of consciousness. This is the internal expression of consciousness called Dominion or sovereignty of the self. Other terms include self-control, self-governance, self-rulership, self-ownership, self-reign, and internal monarch. This has also been referred to as self-love, self-care, self-mastery, enlightenment, balance, harmony, internal peace, etc. in various traditions. This is dominion of the kingdom of self, being a King of Queen of our own kingdom within, and not any external rulership, control, or governance, but internal governance and control over one’s own thoughts, emotions and actions in harmony.
Take care. Peace.
so true. Thank you for commenting :)
this is a nice post. i enjoy reading it and i can relate myself too.
Thank you. Nice to hear you say that :)
Loving yourself means also accepting yourself and saying "I am enough".
Yep! This is true also :)
Panda..Panda..Panda sorry listing to the dang song on the radio.
hahahahahhaha i love the song too :)
Hah. Sorry - I don't know the song lol
:)
Not bad :)
You are totaly spot one! Love thyself!
Thank you - Love thyself and the world will fall into place :)
I must come from a different generation than you, because so many of us had dysfunctional family lives, but it doesn't mean we should go crying about our past in a blog post. It sounds so damn feminine. In my world, suck it up and be a man. It is so weak and pitiful to still be talking about our past family problems when we are an adult and especially in a public broadcast.
Is Steemit become a back slapping fuck fest for whining our dysfunctional pasts. It just feels so circle-jerk around here. I don't think the entire world comes from the dysfunctional families that we have in our decadent Western cultures, so I don't think Steemit is going to be reaching out to the world with these memes.
We are who we are because of our past lives. I had a dysfunctional one, just like you say, many others did too. I do however feel that we need to reconnect with that dysfunctionality to heal our future selves. But that's just my opinion, I respect yours too :)
Out of curiosity - why is being feminine a bad thing in your eyes? You say it as if it's a negative trait, a man sounding feminine?
As I said, I think it is a generational gap. I am 51 years old.
For me yes a man acting feminine is not admirable. Most of my problems in life came from not being masculine and calculating. Instead when I acted like a female and let life run over me.
I had a difficult childhood and even entire life. Probably much of the negative shit that happened to me in life was a result of not moving on from that dysfunction. I finally decided to grow up and be a man.
But as you say, each person has their own choices to make. So I shouldn't judge you. I guess I just don't want to read this, because it may reflect somewhat the state-of-mind I was in around my 20s and even 30s. And also because I wish I had become masculine sooner in life. I am not talking about athleticism. I was athletic from age 5. I am talking about mental toughness.
That is not to say I don't have qualities of empathy, care, emotional interplay with others. Yet I am striving to not feed a feminine side of myself to the point where I am capable of being someone's floormat again.
Btw, I empathize with your childhood struggles, but man you got to just nevermind that stuff if possible. And get on.
Ah, I love that you opened up to me like that, thank you - I really emphasise with your struggles too. I'm 36, and yes, life was tough for people in the 80's and beforehand. I totally agree. You probably had it WAY harder than me.
I AM mentally strong, by the way. I came out the other end of a WW2-type mental battle smelling of roses. Not an easy feat. I am definitely at peace with my past, my present and my future. I could, if I wanted to just shut up and get on with my life. You are right.
But then with all the shit I've went through I feel that if I write about it someone can relate and another person may even gain something from it. "Hey, damn, that's me! Maybe I should try that"
I write to help, not to complain about my past :)
And thank you for what you said, I can relate a lot to that :)
Yeah...I also think men having to show masculinity and being targeted for allowing their feelings to exist is a thing of the past...there are those in this world who do not want you to feel any emotion other than fear, but I for one am not subservient to them. I think the energy of this planet is changing, and I would say it is becoming more feminine as in more right brain thinking, more creativity and feeling. I think it is a needed balance and it has been
Prophesized by the native american hopi tribe as the battle of the eagle and the condor. I personally would say we are in the times of a pheonix when it rebirths itself from the flames. The vibration of this planet is rising because of the rise of human consioussness, and it is not a bad thing to have a balance of masculine and feminine energy. Personally I am convinced that 99 % of the population have no idea what love is. They think it has to do with relationships but love is the bquilding block of creation (creativity)
Deep, very deep. I'll have to digest and research a bit about what you said :)
It is interesting to me how you describe feminine as someone who isn't mentally tough. Do you believe feminine only relates to being a floormat? I believe females can have all kinds of qualities, and yes they are typically more emotional than men but there are just as many unaware men as women. If a woman is able to be aware of her emotions and not act impulsively on them, being emotional doesn't have to be a bad thing...Some would consider it a good way to experience life more fully. I understand that much of society has that same view of "feminine" as you do, therefore I appreciate you speaking your mind...even if I don't agree with you. The cool thing about the interent is if you choose to look at it as a science experiment viewing all the qualities of people, you observe the human species and simply notice the types of opinions that we have developed. Personally, my ideas of the word "feminine" consist of empathy, emotions, birth, giving, and nuturing. While I view "masculine" as consisting of strength, decisiveness, common sense, and confidence. I do see the important qualities of the masculine but I just think that everybody needs a combination of both feminine and masculine traits in order to be fulfilled.
I don't disagree with that. I didn't write that women are floormats. But a weak man can certainly become one!
I just resent not growing up sooner and taking responsibility for my life sooner. I certainly don't want to be paying someone from a collective pool of money for whining about their parents.
I'm older than you so this is not a generational thing for you. It's your own issues showing through, I'll be polite and not make comment on what you are displaying.
I applaud @lifeisawesome's courage in being open and vulnerable about his life. It takes a different type of strength to be honest and raw.
I prefer if you'd speak honestly about "my issues" so I can address it. Your passive aggressive psychoanalysis BS is quite the shit. All of us have issues. I stand by my comments that is silly to get paid $2000 for whining about what parents did or didn't do. Get out there and make a life. Get paid for doing something actually productive.
It is perhaps generational because many men have been raised emasculated in the latest crop. All this feminist bullshit.
What courage? You are encouraging a man to be vulnerable! You fucking feminist piece of shit. You are the one destroying him. I am trying to help him grow up and gain a backbone. Honesty would be him admitting to himself that he hasn't moved on yet, and stop looking back and still vulnerable to emotional shit. I will accept positive emotional experiences. Negative emotional experiences go as fast as possible in my incinerator.
What you going to do? Waste your entire life be vulnerable to the past? Nonsense!
The greatest thing that ever happened to me was in circa 2003 when a real man explained to me how to be mentally tough and not let my emotions rule my life. I still love my emotions, but I can pick and choose which emotions are valuable to me. That is not to say I've perfected it, but at least I am actively trying to.
If this blog post was written as a form of group therapy or self-help inspiration, then the first thing is I must say I think it is hurting not helping, because it is encouraging men to whine.
I wasn't going to write so harshly, as the author was not picking a fight with me. I was willing to leave it at what I had already written. But then you commented with your shit. You and I will mix like oil and water. I suggest we both have more productive things to do than fight with each other. I regret posting comments on this blog, because it doesn't aid my priorities to have to defend my constitution to you.
You are 51. I am 53. Please see my comment above. So, I believe your views are not typical of your/our generation - they are just yours. Take care.
Of course because I decided to leave the emasculating Western countries in 1990 and lived half my life in a developing world country where the feminist dysfunctionality had not been widely promulgated. Based on your other comment (not sure if it will remain 'above'), I suspect you are a victim of that weak, ass bullshit indoctrination. Nevertheless I think there are many X gens who made similar rejection as I did to the boomer's ideological fornication. There is no getting into touch with the fact that my parents are different than I am and they want to live their own life as they see fit. My responsibility is to live my life as I see fit. Get out there and compete as a man.
Edit: Perhaps view my vehement reaction as rejecting non-male role models. I realize others will argue that a stereotypical male role model is not correct. And I will argue that is feminist indoctrination (even arguably funded by Rockefeller).
@lifeisawesome I'm 38, yet with a point of view similar to yours. In fact this post is directly in your alley otherwise I would not post the link, seriously.
Real Talk - When did the American Male get so Wimpy
you are so wrong, speaking is good. specially when can help someone who is going right now trough that experience. i think it is you time...tell us what happened to you? To be so dogmatic and critically over a good positive history? steemit is for us...humans!join us!h
Speaking is fine. Taking $2073 from the collective money pool to pay for it is dubious. Of course we in the West think we can afford all of this luxury of waste.
It is not that I can't reverberate with feminine energy and understanding, but rather that the universe made me a man to be able to be maximally productive and let the females focus on the nurturing. That is not to say I am never feeding my feminine side (I was feeding far too much throughout my life)
Seconded. This post is non-content.
"I had an abusive father and bad relationship models from my parents. I fixed that by working on myself. Cool, huh? Here's a neat picture from the Internet. Vote for my post to give me Steemit money! OH! Here's a link to my other post about the same thing. Vote for that one, too."
Such a good story. indeed love yourself first, so that others will love you unconditionally ,and by means of loving yourself first, is accepting yourself who you are and who you can be in the future.
Never a truer word spoken!
Lovely ❤❤❤
Thank you :)
Great post! Glad you found that person and learned to love yourself .
Yes, I did! Thank you :)
My professional background is all about science and radical stuff. Only very recently did I learn to come to terms with all the pain and weaknesses that originate from a difficult childhood (or perhaps most childhoods) and affect our adult life in subtle ways. So if you are a man, the real way to "be a man" is not being afraid to face your own weaknesses. There's no hiding from them. Just face them.
Ah, beautifully said - that's such a good point
Beautiful, thank you for sharing, namaste :)
Thank you :)
omg what a post ...loved it <3 ......and i love myself too :)
Thank you :)
I have been married 25yrs next January, saying I love you is really hard I have done it 3 times in the whole time and twice I was drunk. Parents weren't good at there job so I suffered and still do. Glad you found yourself and your amazing partner .
Thanks - I don't think you should be so harsh on yourself. If you're not comfortable saying it, then don't.
No I don't feel comfortable saying it to my husband but can say it too my children with no problem but that of course is a different kind of love
Love yourself! Sneeze at all! In life is waiting for you - success!!!!
In religious circles people will teach, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself" but completely gloss over what it means to actually Love Yourself. Great observations here!
Oh, definitely! I can write all year about that :)
Scott Pilgrim Vs The World :)
Love, sometimes we need to hurt our feeling from many people so that we can stand alone and faced it. It is very important to give love by ourselves to make us strong. Always think positive that life must go on. Every heartache that we encounter it gaves a lesson to us. Trials is our motivation to grow up. So do not afraid to face it.
@zionuziriel ..
you are right!
Thanks :)
Great share. It starts with you and then people will follow :)
Glad you found your love.
Exactly - thank you :)
I believe, it is good to keep ourselves engaged professionally, socially and care less about others think of us unless it bothers negatively. Good insight, though.
Thanks! :)
They say love is when you feel that feeling you have never felt before. It is almost impossible to understand the meaning of love until you have experienced what it means to be treated like thrash. But true love keeps no record of wrong, it envies no one, it trusts, it doesn't repay evil with evil, and very patient. If one really wants to conquer hate or revenge a hurt, LOVE! Check out my post on True Love @ https://steemit.com/love/@delphia16/want-to-revenge-a-hurt-or-get-even-with-someone-love-unconditionally
Awesome - thank you :)
Live and learn, then love... honest post with a lot of heart!
Thank you :)
I think love is appretiation. I love how it is explained in this video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pEDCPlkyen0
love can be everything you need to understand how to love you.
Very true :)
@lifeisawesome you are so right. If you are not loving yourself first nobody will be :)
This is powerful. And insightful. Very vulnerable. Thanks for being broken open. I see you @lifeisawesome.
Took me a long time to convey my true hurt as words. But I think I do it very well now :) Thank you!
Cant give what you dont got.
Exactly!
love yourself first and foremost!
Exactly!
Great post! Steemit tip: Try reducing those image sizes next time. Two times in a row I missed the upvote button because an image loaded right when I was about to click it. My internet is very slow here at this coffee shop, but on third attempt my upvote finally connected :)
K! I'll bear that in mind, thank you :)
Well, challenges are here for us to transcend our limitations. You are doing that,well done!
I love the word transcend. Love it. I feel I'm at a point of transcendence :)
great read! I think i need to apply this to myself.
Awesome! Let me know how it works out :)
Hola, si no te amas a ti mismo, no podras amar ni respetar a nadie! Es una cosa que aprendiste y practicaste por muchos años. Ahora ya lo sabes! Debes mantener el amor. No lo desperdicies!
Muchas gracias por tu publicación. Estoy de acuerdo. Lo sentimos , tuve que usar traductor Google para esto!
Nice picture and story 💓 @lifeisawesome
Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited ; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense and is not resentful. Forgiving is the key to liberation from the those who had hurt us in the past. If we refuse to forgive it is equal to drinking poison and hope the other dies from it.
Love yourself and be happy uncondionally and your life will be much fun...also remember that you cannot be happy 24x7 :D ....
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Thank your for this post. I like the short, but inspirational way you're writing about this topic.
It's a quick but great reminder for me to keep working on myself and loving myself for who I am. There is nothing to lose but to win, when we are loving ourselves first. It is very true, that only by loving ourselves we can even give more love to others.