We all have our moments with the one whom we love the most, where they do something, or things, that REALLY annoy us. Sometimes it’s saying something at a less opportune time, other times it’s just their attitude that day, sometimes your energy and theirs is just not compatible at various moments, but we know that even if it’s lovey-dovey all the time, lovey-dovey includes annoyances too.
The other day, I was taking a walk with my husband and we always say to each other “You’re my love, you’re my one and only love.” Well, he had just annoyed me previously, so I wanted to make a joke and say “you’re my one and only annoying love.” Well, my brain combined the two phrases and it came out “I love you so much. You’re my one annoying love.” We giggled, and he replied “So are you.” I narrowed my eyes as a joke and we looked at each other in a way that said “I’m watching you.” And then giggled some more.
I think it’s important to express annoyance when you feel it and here’s why. Until very recently, I felt guilty for feelings that led me to express my needs more prominently. This is caused by the brainwashing and mind control that was done to me by the man who abused me. I learnt to suppress any emotion of frustration, annoyance, anger, or disappointment, because if I did, I would be psychologically and emotionally punished.
For a long time, in many relationships following the abuse, even all the way into my marriage, if I felt annoyed, disappointed, frustrated, or angry --- which happens and is NORMAL, especially when you live with someone --- I felt not allowed to express it, even if I WAS allowed.
My husband has never made me feel not allowed and always reminds me at how he respects my expression of the self. But what happened internally was the brain imbalance, the wires connecting with the wrong connectors, and so when I felt annoyed, I would then feel not allowed, then guilty, then bad, then as though I need to be punished, then angry and defiant, and then rage would settle in. That was why it was so difficult for me every time I felt annoyed. Simple annoyance was NOT simple. It took a lot of practice to fight those feelings of not being allowed, and it was difficult to actually express myself. And at first I felt really guilty to express it. Everyone else expresses it, I’m allowed too! The more I did it, the better it felt. Sometimes (depending where I am in my cycle) I still fall into old patterns, however, more often than not now, I feel the annoyance, and express it. EXPRESS NOT SUPPRESS! And it feels good. I express it RIGHT AWAY and my husband recognises his part and apologises, or expresses his annoyance and we have a bit of a back and forth, and are both liberated. When I express it right away I DON’T fall into those old patterns. If I wait, I risk falling into those old patterns.
And I mean, just the other day, husband did something I didn’t appreciate, I told him. I was not in the wrong for expressing it, and then we hugged it out. It was nothing serious, nothing detrimental to our relationship, but I had to express it so that he knows my specific need in regard to that particular situation, otherwise he won’t know what I need. And I had to express it so that I could feel good, and keep feeling good, and by acknowledging these feelings, we BOTH can feel good, and BOTH feel good about each other and our needs and get whatever bugged us off our chest so that we’re not bothered by it anymore.
I love my husband, annoyances and all, and I know that he loves me, annoyances and all. Sometimes our wires get crossed and we express ourselves a bit less sensitively, and we can argue or feel bad initially, but we also know that on the long term, we feel better, because we don’t hold back, we express what we need to right away. We express our annoyances, and our annoyances of each other’s annoyances of the other. We our our one and only loves, our one annoying loves, and we love each other for it.
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Team, really good to read this post, and yes in relationships annoyance always take place it's natural, but the great thing is how better both husband and wife is understanding each other, and people not only feel annoyance because of close one's but annoyance also develops because of outer force also and that is more painful because, sometimes people start suppressing the feelings and this suppression makes them frustrating, so it's better to learn the art of expression because once you express one aspect then the weight of that aspect will going to lessen and we can concentrate on other good aspects of life. Thanks for sharing this post with us and wishing you an great day. Stay blessed. 🙂
That's exactly on point, actually. And it's funny to say, but just the other day, I felt annoyed and quickly got upset about something and then discovered that I fell into old thought patterns and realised something that was blocking my inside my mind and was able to understand something about my past abuse experience. It allowed me to shift my energy for what was no longer serving me and it felt like a breakthrough. I felt "wow, I just realised this", after crying a bit, of course ;) Tears always help the flow of energy.
Thank you so much for your insight.
Welcome and great to hear your experience. Stay blessed. 🙂
It must be so comforting knowing in your heart and mind that you can share whatever feelings are going on for you without worrying about judgement or pain. Thank you for contributing, Celinka! @binkyprod
Thank you :)
But @raised2b and I never get annoyed with each other.... hahaha
This is really SUCH an important thing to write about! Most people just bottle up their annoyance and emotions - which only makes things worse. I love your advice to voice the frustration so that the relationship can grow from it.
I loved your phrase about "hugging it out". That sounds like a much better alternative to bottling it up. <3
It's a process: detecting you are feeling something unpleasant, determining what that is, figuring out the words, expressing it, discussing it, comforting and reassuring if necessary, hugging it out, and then feeling good.