I'm one of those people who loves Christmas perhaps a tad too much. I'm a big gift-giver (and taker!), so such occasions prove exhausting, but also deeply rewarding. Of course, it's not just the gifting that I enjoy, but also the time spent with family, particularly since everyone is taking a break from work and the usual stress of the day-to-day, and that makes us all more pleasant to be around.
So that being said, I'm always in a very good mood around this time of year, but I see I'm a bit of an odd one out. Seasonal depression is, by all accounts, infamous, and has been the basis of countless sitcom episodes, as well as movies. We recently rewatched an episode of "Friends", where Rachel asks Chandler to set her up, because she hates being alone around the holidays. While the show took the chance to turn the situation into hilarity, it's a very real situation.
In fact, only the other day I was chatting with a friend about her ex and his new romantic interest. We concluded that having someone to bring to the New Year party is the main reason people are getting together, starting around November. Just like in summer, people are looking for partners to go on holiday with. Fair enough, I say.
And yet, the lack of a romantic interest doesn't seem to be the primary explanation of this seasonal bout of depression. Over the past few days, I've spoken with several people who are in (more or less) happy relationships at the moment, yet were still a bit down. Considering that most people have family members, or friends they can spend the holidays with, it's not really a case of spending Christmas idly staring at the walls, all alone.
My next assumption was that the seasonal depression that hits around Christmas had to do with our notoriously consumerist society. Of course, it depends on the way you were brought up. Some people are like me, and adore gifting, while others view it as an optional add-on to Christmas. Which again proved that this was not behind the collective down. Both the people who spent heavily, as well as those who only purchased symbolic gifts, or even nothing at all, were susceptible to this feeling.
It would stand to reason - after all, the holidays are a time when our judgment tends to be significantly impaired, and we are guilted by clever companies into buying ourselves into debt, just to "show people we love them". So that could make sense. At the same time, provided you haven't spent excessively (to the point where your immediate livelihood is threatened), offering gifts tends to have the opposite effect, particularly if your gift is a hit with the recipient. So if anything, people who give and receive gifts over the holidays are on average happier than those who did not. This also has to do, no doubt, with our collective image about what Christmas should look like, and that includes presents under the tree, for most.
Well then, if it's not of a social, romantic, sexual or financial nature, how do we explain seasonal depression?
My last guess is that, as is the case with birthdays, the repetitive nature of Christmas reminds one of the inevitable passing of time. Which, to be fair, shouldn't be a reason to become upset. On a personal level, 2021 hasn't been the year I'd hoped it would be, not by a long shot. And yet, to be sad now would be to deny all the accomplishments, and good things that have happened to me over this past year. As is, for better or worse, the case for most people.
For instance, I've a friend who was unemployed for a good part of 2021, and that was a difficult time for her, both financially and psychologically. But in the end, it led to her securing a job that she now loves very much, and one that, unexpectedly in her case, is deeply rewarding. You must take the good with the bad, is what I'm trying to say.
And if there's only been bad (or if at least, the bad drastically outweighs the good), then Christmas is the right time to reflect on it, because the New Year is right around the corner, and with it, the prospect of change seems just a little bit more possible.
Things go on, despite all the death, depression, and difficulty you may have encountered. Far too often, we lose perspective in assuming that change is hard. But it is also liberating. There are several reasons to be sad around the holidays, and many of those, you can do nothing about. And then, some you can change. In other words, the only reason one should be depressed around the holidays, in my opinion, is the intrinsic knowledge that while they could change their conditions in the upcoming year, they will not.
So, I think it's safe to say that our inane terror of death is behind our seasonal depression, even if it masquerades as our lack of a romantic relationship, or other such temporary difficulties. After all, it's far more digestible to see your main problem as the absence of a partner, than the inevitable death of all things you know now, isn't it?
Can holiday depression be beaten?
If it's written in our natural terror, then how might one escape this worldwide sense of despair (no doubt acerbated by the current pandemic)? Personally, I think that yes, it can be beaten, but only by rewiring your brain at a very primary level. Only by adapting your expectations and desires, and strengthening the desire and will to change your circumstances. And that's no easy task.