Now this question is directed at my audience: Where do you draw the line? When your code of ethics is being violated? That is, you feel you are being taken advantage of, as a means to someone else's end?
Not easy to deal with this issue of fallen/falling expectations. I would aspire to:
(1) give unconditionally (if I have an expectation, then it is not unconditional and I am wanting something in return, even if it is something like attention or for them to fucking for ONCE in their lives, pay me some attention)
(2) support myself unconditionally if I am drawing a line and saying no or expressing discomfort with situation and walking away. I would aspire to say 'no' when I feel uncomfortable and not necc. when I think this or that. IMO feelings can be truer guides to such things than thinking, which is often corrupted by desires and expectations
(3) forgo violence in either case - ie not chastising self or other for being this or that. Remembering the aspiration of unconditionality and letting it go
(4) remember that appearances are deceptive and that I just do not have the full story, only my side of it.
An aside: the Austrian bot came because of the 'AT' tag (I think). May have come coz of the 'FUCKS' tag, I know they have a town with a similar name LOL
Hey @barge, thank you for your insight!
This resonates with me pretty well. More often than not, my gut will tell me no in certain situations, but I will ignore it, because of the knowing it will make me feel good to help them, and retrospectively, if I say no, I feel like an asshole, or even responsible for their suffering, because I knew I could put an end to it.
Which ties in pretty perfectly to your statement here:
This is golden advice for a natural anxiety remedy lol, but unfortunately (at least for me), much easier said than done. It's hard to shut this thinker off!
We have, futuremind's side, barge's side, and then the truth, somewhere in the mix, I'm willing to bet, there are some maniacal delusions occurring, not sure where, but there are usually three finger's pointing back at me when I point one at someone else! In all fairness, this is only my side of the story, and it's vague as a courtesy to the person who upset me. Even if they are someone who's not on the platform, I would still exercise a courtesy of generalization. I'm more the type who likes to confront a person while looking them in the eye's if I feel confrontation is the only solution. I tend to shy away from it because of the catastrophic results that can occur (usually with consequence heavier on my end). Try to explain this in a Cognitive Processing Therapy session, they will call it a "stuck point" I call it sound logic based on evidence. You can't win this argument however, because the model was designed to make it unwinnable, and if you do manage to win it, the psychs will say you have a stuck point relating to stuck points. whaohhhh.
So you mean to tell me, that for the first time in my life, adhering to standard of
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ #no #fucks #given #at #all was a profitable endeavor? Man, I should start giving less of a fuck!!! 🤔
Thanks again brother man ;)
My friend I believe this to be a delusion (dunno if maniacal or not, but it's one that seems to be, but isn't what it seems to be) - just as no one can put an end to my suffering (except for ME), I cannot put an end to the suffering of anyone else. For me to think so is over-responsibility. If I give myself a hard time over it, it smacks of control. Sure I can provide temporary relief - but I don't think that is the same thing and I need to be careful that I am not simply keeping them in their patterns by humouring them. If both parties feel lower after the event, then what's the point?
When someone is aware and notices my need and takes a step to help me meet that need, I am grateful. I have spent years of my life sulking and feeling shit that nobody notices or seems to give a fuck...really bothered me until I started to realise that I didn't actually really give much of a fuck about myself, and began to change that in a non-violent manner.
Exactly, and this is usually how it ends. An argument, placing blame, not understanding each others perspective. Yes, it's definitely delusional, and taker's live in their own delusion too! IMO
I feel like we have some similarities sometimes barge. It could certainly be me, creating my own narrative with your words, but I don't think so. It doesn't take you long to compose your thoughts in an organized way with this topic, which leads me to believe you've spent a great deal of time thinking about this already, with your own life, or at least, similar situations, and/or physical/psychological responses. I'm pretty hard on myself at times. I will have to not give as much of a fuck. I think that is a viable solution, for now anyways.