Girl, I just adore you. I feel a million times closer to you now, and have learned more about you in a single post than in the 2ish months we've "known" each other. Beautiful piece of writing from a beautiful soul.
When I nominated you it was because you'd helped me cross a boundary with posting a bit of poetry. You gave me the nudge to do something that, as it turns out, didn't kill me like I was sure it would :)
But you, my dear, just broke the mold. What am amazing post and beautiful look inward. And perhaps (you never know) a giant first step in understanding the why.
Xanax sucks and will just make you a zombie. But perhaps a therapist isn't the worst idea? Just my two cents. I believe there are even ways to do it online; perhaps you'd feel more comfortable that way? Whatever you decide, I thank you for writing this. Look at how many people share similar issues? You might spend time alone, but you are definitely not alone.
Thank you so much, dear one, for that lovely comment! I really appreciate your heartfelt and encouraging words! And as frightening as it was to post this, yes, I discovered there are many others who suffer from the same problem, so that makes me feel not so quite alone in this. Thank you for tagging me to get my mind thinking in this direction! 😊