Some people just seem to get more than their fare share of bumpy roads in life. I consider myself one of those people too, and I really relate to so much of what you have been through, especially the awkward childhood followed by the abusive relationship, followed by finding the right person.
I can completely imagine that I would become reclusive or anxious or even lose my marbles if I lost my husband. Facing the world without that love and support has got to be an unfathomably difficult thing to do. I think it's great that you are finding community and finding a way to process everything you've been through!
I am sorry to hear you have experienced an abusive relationship, too. It erodes one's self-esteem away to such a large degree. I am glad you have found the right person, though, and I do appreciate your comment so much! Thank you!
❤️