I have a complicated relationship with my profession. Yes, I’m a yoga teacher, and yes, teaching yoga takes me out of my comfort zone.
Why, you ask? Well, at the prompting of @topkpop, and her #nocomfortzone challenge, I’ll share some of my thoughts here.
photo: Nat Anfield
I could do without the business side of yoga.
For the most part, I enjoy teaching yoga, but dislike the business side of things. A lot.
It might be that I've been an entrepreneur for too long, teaching too many classes and doing the constant promotion necessary to fill those classes. I feel like I’ve done enough marketing for a lifetime, and at this point I’m so over it.
It feels like I’m waving and jumping up and down, trying desperately to get people to come to class, and this circus act of self-promotion must be done every day to get decent numbers in the studio. I hate it. It feels icky.
These days I don’t do much teaching, but before kids, I taught a ton. There were difficult dealings with yoga studios, plus a massive scandal in the international yoga school I’d studied with that left me disillusioned at the height of my career. I even wrote a novel about a disillusioned yoga teacher trying to find her faith again. Had a few literary agents interested in it, but alas, all of them passed. Maybe I'll publish it here someday.
The yoga industry can be a major drag. A LOT of yoga instructors run into this issue.
Smashing the pedestal.
“Me too” stories happen all-too often in the yoga world, considering the integrity yoga asks of its students. Some yoga teachers abuse their power. When this happened with two of the people I considered my teachers, people I idolized, it felt like a major betrayal.
I don't call anyone "my teacher" anymore.
It's hard to take, 'cause I look at the yamas and niyamas (the guiding principles of integrity all yoga teachers learn), and then I look at these people preaching one thing and doing another...
Well, anytime you put someone on a pedestal, they'll fall off.
In the same way, I measured myself by an impossible standard, and sometimes felt like a fake teaching yoga when I had all these other problems in my life. I had to come to the realization that I'm allowed to be human. (This is an ongoing reminder I have to give myself, being a recovering perfectionist.)
photo: Nat Anfield
A little history.
I spent most of my divorce settlement on yoga training, in the range of $15,000, much of it on travel to get to workshops and intensives. I jumped on countless planes and took numerous road trips to study with the best teachers, racking up hundreds of hours of high-level yoga education.
I have over twelve years of teaching experience under my belt. I offered private and semi-private yoga therapy classes that helped people empower themselves and shift patterns of pain. I ran an apprentice-based yoga teacher training program, and wrote an extensive yoga manual that is used by teachers and students worldwide, as well as a book called Unlocking the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. I recorded a mantra album.
I’m good at teaching yoga. I even sing to my students in savasana.
And I’d be fine if I never taught another class.
Why? Because there is this pressure that goes along with being a teacher. It puts me right out of my comfort zone.
Being a mother changes everything.
In my early yoga career, I pushed myself hard, learning all I could. I taught a variety of classes, from restorative to advanced, and even a yoga boot camp with a fitness focus. I burnt myself out teaching that damn boot camp. People loved it, and it was my most profitable class, but I kept silly hours for three years, up too early and doing more than my body wanted. So my adrenals were shot before I got pregnant.
When I did get pregnant, I was training teachers to take over for me, but still pushing way too hard. I honestly didn't know how to back off.
I retired from teaching after having a miscarriage. My body told me in no uncertain terms that if I wanted to become a mother, I had to retreat and take care of myself. So I did.
Now I’m a twin mom. I teach a class here and there to try to bring in some money, but even taking on one or two classes a month feels like this huge pressure.
It’s like, after creating two humans, I can’t deal with being responsible for anything other than my kids, my house, and myself. And I’m still trying to regain my own strength, physically and mentally, even after three years.
I'm also no longer comfortable telling people what to do with their bodies. I give a lot of modifications in my classes, and encourage each person to listen to their body and do something different if that's what's right for them.
I don’t want to play the “please sign up for class” game anymore. Honestly, I want to hop in an RV with my family and leave everything behind, but that’s another story.
Finding balance.
The practice of yoga is incredibly beneficial, and I am grateful for all I know. I use it every day.
I love yoga’s wisdom, and the way it makes me feel.
And, even though my feelings on being a yoga teacher are complicated, I want to share my expertise to help people. This is one way I can contribute to make the world a better place.
For now, I’ll do posts about yoga and mediation. I feel like I can at least offer that, but even those might come sporadically, spaced between things that are more fun for me. Teaching yoga lost it’s fun, somewhere along the way, yet I still want to use what I know to be of service.
I recently published a post with a Simple Home Yoga Practice, which you might like if you’re looking for that kind of thing.
Just because teaching takes me out of my comfort zone doesn’t mean I won’t keep at it, at least a on a small scale. :)
No Comfort Zone.
What takes you out of your comfort zone? Check out @topkpop’s Out of Your Comfort Zone post if you’re inspired to join the challenge!
@ameliabartlett, @appiepearl, and @didic, I’d love to see you write about something that takes you out of your comfort zone! Consider yourselves nominated. :)
Thanks for reading!
Take care of yourself. You are a gift!
Peace. @katrina-ariel
photo: Nat Anfield
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This was lovely to read. As a creative person I definitely can relate to getting tired of always having to “sell” a product that is your heart’s work. I’m also really excited to hear about your journey in yoga, I’ve been considering getting my certificate (I have a lot of thoughts about how movement can be incorporated into physical theatre training and character meditation work for actors). I think I’ll likely do it in the next year or two--do you have any articles or favorite resources to help guide someone in choosing their training program? I’d love to read/hear your thoughts on this since it seems like you’ve built a beautiful practice.
Oh, yoga teacher trainings. That's a whole post in itself. lol! Here's the short version:
If you have more questions, I'm happy to help as I can. I think your idea of incorporating yoga into acting techniques is spot on. Thank you for the lovely comment. Yes, being artistic and trying to let people know your art/book/yoga class/whatever exists can be so tiring. Hang in there! :)
Awesome, thank you for these insights--especially the part about the YTT being a partial money machine. I’ve definitely felt like some programs/studios I attend are more about marketing than actual practice. I’m prepared for the “business” side of things, but also know that my intent is incorporating yoga into what I’m already doing. Will let you know how it goes as I keep researching. This is super helpful! See you around!
I've been a psychotherapist for almost 30 years. I understand much of what you have written here. I love the actual work. Its like improv poetry done live with people. Like good jazz when its good. But the money/business "professional" roles are so stale. I think of a picture I want you to see. Its me after the diplomas and professional life. I became everything I thought I wanted and it became so silly to me. Peace and love friend. This is how I do the professional thing now. :) Nice work here mam.
LOVE THIS!!! ^^^
Just breathe.
I am a boy again. Sometimes I still act grown up. But its an act. :)
💖💖💖
yoga is very important for a good health. very valuable post. thank you for sharing this. :)
A retreat can be an important part of the practice to re-energize. Namaste.
Truth. Namaste. :)
How about including Blogging itself !! You seem to have a really good grasp on how to do it :)
thanks @katrina-ariel for a really good read 😊
Thanks for reading. :)
I enjoyed your last post - but after this post... i'm following :)
so much of what you said CLICKED... and is actually my "nocomfortzone" as well. I wish that we could just do the things that we're passionate about without needing to be those people on the street corners wearing the ridiculous Statue of Liberty costumes! lol ughhhhh whyyyy. why can't it be simple? LOL
but you know what....occasionally, you meet a person in your class, or on your journey that makes it so worthwhile.... and then you think - THIS is what I do it for :)
we just have to cling to those moments and hope that enough of them come together to be strung like pearls on a necklace :)
sending you hugs through the airwaves ;)
Such a sweet reminder, thank you! Yes, teaching has been very rewarding for me in the heart connections I've made with some of my students, many of whom are now teachers. I'm grateful for those, and grateful for you connecting here! Fabulous comment. Hugs back! 💖
Yes, I love that:
Sometimes, I'm rolling in pearls, but occasionally have to go pearl-hunting myself.
right????? LOL well, hopefully those times of plenty happen often enough to get us through the times of famine ;)
Firstly, you are really beautiful! Secondly, I completely get what you wrote above. Sometimes teaching something you are good at and know well can be hard and it is not often because you don't enjoy it but because of all the many environmental factors that keep affecting you a certain way. I am happy you are in a better place emotionally now and are happy with your family. Being a mother certainly puts a lot of responsibility on our shoulders but if we take that responsibility happily and focus on it, it becomes quite enjoyable too. :)
Aw, what wonderful thoughts! First of all, thank you! Second, yes. Right now, I want to focus on being a mother, and being a writer. I think part of my aversion to teaching is simply because that isn't what I want to be doing right now, if I'm honest. I'd rather be writing, or Steeming, or spending time with my family.
Thanks so much for coming by and sharing your kindness with me. 💖
This was a fantastic way to do the #nocomfortzone. I know we had the being a mother conversation just the other day and I can totally see how you want to just hop in a place and go. I can also see how things that seemed fun at one point can lose their allure and I love that you are completely honest with yourself. I will be the first one to tell people to follow the "like" (meaning write what they like to), because otherwise they will eventually stop, and honestly the reader will know when someone isn't that into it.
Even throughout this entire post you even shared more about yourself personally which was amazing to read, even though hard to hear about the miscarriage (I know how that feels personally as well), but so happy you got two little ones running around now. A perfect example of someone who listens to themselves. Thank you so much for playing along with my challenge, it was such a wonderful post you did. :)
Thank you for the encouragement! It's true, some things that are fun at one point in life can lose their allure. That was the case with me and teaching. Now, this is also a completely normal thing because I'm a Gemini, so...
Hey look, a butterfly! ...goes off skipping in a new direction...
lol! But seriously, I've learned a ton from being a yoga teacher, even if we're just counting what I've learned about myself. The miscarriage, though painful on a variety of levels, helped me learn to slow the f down and take care of myself. It also prepped me for being a mother, in a way. And I got twins, so I think the one I "lost" figured life was going to be intense and he needed to go back and get a friend. 💖
Glad you did this challenge. It's good to get this kind of honesty out sometimes.
Thank you for the sharing ! I love your story
I've resteemed this. Touched by your honesty and have sympathies to the place you're in. Believe me, we need yoga teachers in the world! We love yoga. I need it in my life. As someone who works with using their body in an expressive way with often a busy mind, I find yoga to be the only exercise that really shuts my mind up! (And it needs shutting up!)
You have taken a passion, a thing that you love, a thing that everyone should be doing anyway and made it into a business. You have placed a monetry value on it. In order to make money we have to sell ourselves. It goes against the ethos of yoga. Everyone who does what they love for a living has this contradiction. You are not alone. This is the world we live in.
Now you have two children to perhaps bring up alone? Your attention is on them. I hope you talk to other mothers of twins because this first bit is harder than anyone can imagine. And I can't imagine, no matter how many friends i've seen go through it.
Anyway, let yourself off the hook, allow yourself to struggle with it all and be not in your comfort zone. Allow yourself to change with motherhood. Allow yourself to not be ,perhaps, so focused on the philosophy of yoga right now. Keep on going. Things will change.
I so SO enjoyed this post @katrina-ariel ! It's an honest and open look into a world I had never considered, I think the conception is that yoga teachers aren't business minded- or ever stressed, they're just always blissed out of their mind because of all the yoga they get to do!
I especially love the term "Recovering Perfectionist" I'll can totally relate and see myself using that one (with credit to you of course).
A thought I had while reading about how stressful filling classes is, would you ever consider doing private classes? A bit like what a personal trainer does? Personally I'd feel SO indimidated going to a class, but if I had the money for a one on one session I feel like that would be the BEST.
Maybe it's not done for a reason, or maybe it is done and Ive never heard of it...
Either way awesome post!
I'm so glad you enjoyed the post! Yeah, it's easy to think that yoga teachers are calm, collected, and generally have their sh*t together. Not always so. We're human like everyone else.
I did do private sessions for a while. Honestly, a lot of people are intimidated about going to a yoga class, but when you get there for the most part people are too busy focusing on their own practice to look around. And everyone was a beginner at one point, so no worries. :)
I'm sure someone else said "recovering perfectionist" before me. No need to credit. I probably got it from someone else and I can't remember who. ;) Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to respond!
Of course! You deserve it after taking the time to write an honest and thought out post!
Your tantric approach appeals to me. I just bought your Patanjali key. I look forward to getting to know you better. The problem with that fine line between "telling people what to do" and having so much beauty to share is very familiar to me.
"That fine line between 'telling people what to do' and having so much beauty to share..."
^^ THIS!!! So much of this. Well said. 💖
Thanks for this wonderful comment, and for buying my Unlocking the Sutras book! I hope you enjoy it. The Tantric approach appeals to me because it allows each of us to weave our own way through life without too many rules. So glad to meet you here. :)
Wow. What an inspirational story. I could go on and on with each section you made but I would be writing a whole story on your story and yeah.. love it and you!! Tip!
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Thank you so much. ((hugs))
I can relate to this in many ways, and it looks like, from the comments, others can too.
One of the ways, is burning out my adrenals from working crazy hours coaching at the gym. Another way, is in feeling like a fraud as I coach Crossfit but don't do it perfectly or eat perfectly, and I'm telling all these people what to do. So, I've made changes over the years to reduce some of the hours and to practice what I preach a little more.
But, the greatest changes have come in just accepting myself where I am, loving myself as I am. I appreciate a post where someone let's me see the real them --thank you.
Oh and those pics on the rocks--I could feel the warmth of the sun and the rocks through the photos.
Yes, I think many of us try to put ourselves on an illusionary pedestal. Silliness. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. It's so good to know I'm not alone. Perfection is a myth, anyway. And self-acceptance is so important!
The ocean pics were taken in Nicaragua, San Juan del Sur. We spent two months there. It was amazing. :)
Thank you for sharing this! I started doing and learning yoga 5 months ago, still new at it, but I can already see the benefits from my practices. I'm going to this small yoga studio in the heart of Bucharest, where I feel at home, like I can stop pretending to be what the world expects of me and I can just enjoy being...
Why am I writing this to you? Because yoga is starting to change my life and I'm grateful to those wonderful people that are bringing their teachings into my life. I'm sure that many of your yoga classes students felt the same, so keep your head up high! Teach for the simple joy of making other people's life better, healthier, don't lose yourself in the shallowness of our society.
Namaste!
Thanks for the kind comment, and for reaching out. Yoga is truly amazing, and I'm so glad you're feeling at home in your local studio and on your mat. Wonderful! :)