How much power is in the unsaid? You might be tempted to think that there is no power at all, that a gesture, a word, an action which did not went to the receiving end were pretty much useless. On some degree, I agree. But sometimes, there is great power in the unsaid. Why?
First of all, we humans are driven by emotions. Sending a message when you are hurt, angry, sad, makes you vulnerable in front of biases. You can't think straight and use your reason, therefore what you feel and think won't get through your emotional clutter.
Sometimes taking your time is good. Think before opening your mouth, you can't take hurtful things back. Think before acting irrationaly, you won't manage to repair the damage easily. Think before a final radical decision, it will take time to get back what you once took for granted.
I find writing to be therapeutic. I wish I would live the times when people used to write physical letters to each other. You see, you can always throw away the first letter when it comes from an angry place and send only the second or the third, when you ego softened enough for you to tell how you really feel to the other person.Think before you act, be proactive instead of reactive. Seek to understand rather than to be understood.
Nowadays social media and technology made information to be easily transmitted. But the process of emotional connection is now harder than ever. This is wrong. Communication is not about emojis, sms texts and e-mails and instastories. Communication can be a hug, a smile, a tear in the eye, an emotion of regret on the face of a lover, a feeling of closeness from the embrace of a friend.
We all have a load of unsaid in us. I have written yesterday a letter. A personal apology letter. I might never send it and keep it for myself. It helped me to write it, how much will it help me (not) to send it? I wonder how many more people keep their unsent letters.... How many swallowed their words, buried their emotions and moved on. I wonder how much peace they felt THEN versus how much peace they feel NOW. Communication can solve problems, if you learn to do it right, in the language of the other. Most of the times, we speak foreign languages and get stuck. In the unsaid.
What if you say it? What if you don't? In both of the cases, you'll have to be the judge of that. I would evaluate the outcome on a peace level. I believe in having inner peace. I don't yet know how much of this can be achieved through the said/unsaid. I am still figuring out the right proportions. I guess we all are. Even if we say it or we don't.
This is the latest article from my personal blog
https://maryhasnolamb.wordpress.com/2020/07/17/the-one-you-didnt-send/
Have a blessed day and toodle loo!
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Yes, hurt and an instant reply from an emotional response normally creates more hurt.
My habit is always to reply a day or two later and I normally receive an apology.
You are correct, as there is strength in silence at some occasions.
How many times have all of us said something that we rued later, that "Oh, I shouldn't have said that" feeling.
@inalittlewhile has a great teaching here and if I may, I will add only one little item to his writ.
Is it going to hurt.
Kindness heals, but sadly there's not enough of it and that's why this world is in the state that it is!
Hey! I made the courage and I will send it. It might hurt to receive a response, it might hurt not to receive one. Or it might not hurt at all because if you send it with just the thought of making peace with yourself that you no longer have expectations? It is difficult indeed. But yes, either way, it might hurt.
I think it has always been difficult to find the right approach to tell people that we care, that we want an apology or that we want to apologise. Our language is in the way. Words do not always do justice to what is in our hearts. And I made peace with the thought that even if people will not trully understand your pain, it is ok. I think the sense of peace might come from the courage to face the fear, the shame, the guilt, the possibility of being hurt again or being mocked/ignored/misunderstood.
I am sure many people kept their letters. As they kept their words, their pain, their trauma, their dilemmas. I just realise that our life is just so short on this Planet and we often live and act like we have the eternity to fix things or to be happy. We don't. I have just now, just today. Why bottle it up? Why supress it? Who will care in 50 years from now that I chosed to be miserable and proud instead of happy and say what I have to say? After all... Who cares? We care too much about what other people say and we think we have time that we forget to do what is right as soon as we get the chance.
Kindness is hard to practice because of our ego. Our pride. Our need to be right. To be right or to be kind? That is the question.... A mix of both is required. It is good to be kind, but not to be a fool.
I appreciate you've made the time to read me😊 Thank you!
I feel like this process is natural for anyone who has feelings and cares for people. I am a big believer that putting it down on paper helps.. if nothing else it helps one reset their emotional barometer. Life is crazy sometimes. This post reminds me of how fragile and intricate emotions are.
Hey! Actually it does feel good to write things down and indeed when you care you feel that it helps making the courage to say the unsaid. I believe it is very comforting to release all of that tension and say things in a calm nice way. Too many people live with the burden of undisclosed emotions. Shame, guilt, anger, denial, they are all part of the alibis we find in order to avoid getting out of our comfort zone.
Feelings are fragile. Most people do not show if they are hurt, if they regret or if they need something. I think it is healthy to get out of the pattern and say what you have to say after you thought it through. For inner peace. For knowing that you were true to yourself, no matter the outcome.
I think too many of us go through life being stressed worrying what others might think, supressing our emotions, choosing silence over talking. It is not good. Life is so delicate and we can all dissapear in an instance. That is why it is never too late to do the right thing. For what it will make out of you as a human being.
Thank you for making time to read this, I appreciate it😊
"Restraint of pen and tongue" is perhaps one of the most powerful non actions a person can take. I was taught to ask myself:
Stipulation - To anyone other than me.
Maybe this will help to answer your question. 😁👍
This is a very good suggestion, thank you very much for taking your time to give me an advice, I appreciate it!
Just returning the favor. 🙂🙂
Thank you. I was thinking about the issue all day.
The unsaid, if compiled, can eat up a soul.
Oh.... This is sadly so true.....
yup!
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We seem both language driven - we can express and understand in the written form - you seem blessed to communicate via art as well, and speaking. You seem a great communicator.
i still have a beautiful letter my Granddad hand wrote me before he died - i was living in the UK and he wrote to say how pleased he was I was marrying an Englishman (he was from England). His hand is all shaky from age.
I can't write anymore - only type I do have beautiful connections here, but it's real life eye contact and touch that activates that vagus nerve...
Hey! Thank you very much for your wise words, I really try to communicate at the best of my abilities. I am always happy when my message goes through. After all, the thing I put inside my art and writing is coming from a tiny thing inside of me and you: the heart.
I find letters to be a beauty. Receiving and sending letters is somehow a forgotten art. I am sure you made him very proud. I am also amazed when I come across people who keep their letters. It is something to show and pass onto generations. It is a gift, almost a family heirloom. I wish more people would think like you in regards to the beauty of a letter.
Thank you for making time to stop by and read😊