Today’s prompt is “Core Values.” Since today is my son’s birthday, I’m going to write about my “Core Values” as a parent who has raised five children. This is NOT a comprehensive list of my parenting ideals/values, just the first things that popped into my head when I started the timer:
Mutual Respect
I raised my kids with respect. I respected them as humans, as the adults that I was raising, not as kids who were mine to control (Or to live through vicariously). That does NOT mean that they got to do whatever they wanted, not at all (just ask them). BUT that I respected their differences, helped and encouraged them in their strengths and maybe most importantly, expected (and received) that same respect back from them. It works wonders.
Relationship
So many people say that you shouldn’t be your kids’ friend. I think that’s bullshit. Yeah, if you’re talking about being that pushover friend that let’s them get away with anything so that they still think you’re cool… don’t do that. But it kind of just blends with the above statement. Mutual respect.
I was my kids “friend” in the way that they always knew that they could come to me and talk about anything. ANYTHING. They talked to me about friendships, heartaches, alcohol, drugs, sex, girlfriend/boyfriends, religion, future plans and goals, beliefs, all of it.
We still to this day have the type of relationship where every one of my kids talks to me about the things in their lives. Most of them are grown and out of the house, but they stop by often and we talk about alllll sorts of things.
Treat Them Differently
Another thought on parenting is the idea that you should treat all of your kids the same. I fully disagree with that. I don’t even think that you can treat them all “equally” all the time, because all kids are SO different. Again, I think it comes back to the first two. If you respect your child for who they are AND you take time to have a real relationship with them, then you will know or learn what they need from you. Kids need for you to help guide them, to find their talents, their strengths and their “bent” (that thing that brings out the passion in them, the things that they are naturally good at, lean towards and want out of life.)
One Last thought on that subject: Learn the Five love languages and give your child the type of love that They Need. Not what is easiest for you to give, but what they need. More importantly, talk to them about love languages and explain what your is, what you think theirs is an WHY you make the choices you do. It will help them to think outside of themselves and help them in their own relationships with you, their siblings, their friendships, everything.
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Good post, I love the parents who have as a priority, the most beautiful thing that God has given "The children" and they are their main reason to guide, guide, instruct ... to have children with autonomy, identity, responsible, authentic ...
Thank you. I appreciate your comment and your support!
Wish your son a many more happy returns of the day.
I completely agree with one of your statements
It lacks in our indian societies where parents force their children to be like other who is better in some aspect.
No finger is similar in our hand and everyone got its own funtion.
Have a great day ma’am @byn
Thank you so much. I grew up with a lot of family members who worked so hard to treat all of their kids exactly the same, but we're such different people, it just doesn't work out very well! I appreciate you taking the time to comment!
Great post. It makes me happy to see there are still parents that have similar core values like ours. Respect for educating 5 obviously awesome kids. Happy birthday belatedly to your son.
Thank you so much. I feel very lucky that I was able to stay home with my kids and give them the time and attention that a lot of parents have to miss out on. I'm also very thankful that my husband helped support me in that!
Sad but true. But if you ask me, it is possible (at least to a certain level) to teach some core values even if both parents work. Sadly, I already saw a lot of “bad examples” in my life. Parenting is best done as a team, but often it is more a fight between Mom and Dad. 😩
True. I'm sure it's possible, but I was lucky in that I didn't have to try and do both! My husband and I make a good team and it's definitely better when the parents are in accord.
You put that very well. And I love the photos! Such fun poses!
Thank you! It's so hard to wrap my brain around communicating the "Why" of my parenting choices sometimes, but this freewrite gave me a chance to just write what was on the forefront of my brain without thinking about it too much to begin with!
Such a beautiful family @byn. As a younger mother, I had always looked up to you and some others here in Steemit. Gonna resteem this as it is soooooo good. Your children are so beautiful.
Thank you SO much. I appreciate your wonderfully supportive comments! I wish you and your family the absolute best!
may your son live long life...very beautiful family photos...
Thank you for the sweet comment!
pleasure
It sounds like you could write the definitive book on parenting. Well done raising five.
It's your friendly freewrite encouraging service here with the prompt for today:https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-251-5-minute-freewrite-wednesday-prompt-players
Thank you thank you thank you! :)