Children should be appreciated and respected for who they are -- being a CHILD!
Children are childish! We were all children once and being a child is an important and glorious part of the human experience.
I wonder if perhaps some of the people who get so easily annoyed at children, were the ones who themselves felt like they were an irritation to the adults around them?
Sadly, there are still people around who claim that children should be "SEEN AND NOT HEARD."
I consider this to be "CHILDISM."
You know, like Racism or Sexism!
Childism is when people are discriminated against just because they are young and small.
Our adult desires do not outweigh a child's needs to be respected and listened to, and to be included in adult conversations if they want to be.
I want my children to interact with me and those whom I surround myself with. I have never thought of telling my children that in the presence of 2 or more adults, the child should be only be "Seen And Not Heard."
How will they learn to interact with the variety of people and situations in our world, if a child is not allowed to participate in conversation and is not allowed to get involved in what the adults are up to?
As an example, I would not appreciate my husband telling me that I can't join in on the conversation with his male friends or brothers.
"Honey! Just be a good wife and bring us our drinks, look pretty, but don't disrespect me by interrupting us with your womanish ways."
I would cause a stink! I would tell my husband that is not how it is going to be and that I deserve respect too.
And if I treated my children that way, I would expect them to rebel too. Why do we treat kids with a double standard?
Children do not have all the skills that adults have yet. This is obvious. But we must accept them where they are, and we must help them grow and learn.
Interacting with humans of all ages and professions in a variety of situations is an important part of learning how this world works. Let's show our children some grace if it takes them some time to figure it all out.
I suppose that is one reason why I choose unschooling as our form of education. When children are unschooled they can accompany the parent to all types of appointments, chores and entertainment. Afterall, Living is Learning.
I remember the first time that I met a family of unschooled children. We met with other families to explore some train tunnels in a provincial park. The young boys came right up to me and introduced themselves, shook my hands, and started a conversation.
It was wonderful! But I have to admit I was a bit surprised, because usually children pretty much ignore other adults and only interact with other children. These young boys were very pleasant, and they treated me like an equal.
I suppose that some adults find it insulting to be treated as an equal by children, but I find it refreshing.
...
For More Articles Like This One, Visit My Blog And Follow Me: @canadian-coconut 
How will children learn to interact with their elders if they never interact with their elders? LOL It reminds me of a line in an old John Wayne movie where the younger boy "Smitty" tells the old man, "I hope you don't mind me asking all these questions" to where the old man replies, "Well boy, that's how you learn, askin".
Exactly! Thanks for your support.
thanks too. I always support you. Thanks very much upvoted me.
Great post, I treat my daughter in the same way that I would another adult in a group or conversation. Mutual respect and that is how they will learn to interact and thrive!!
Just curious, have you also noticed much of if not essentially all of the bad things you hear about kids to be false? When babysitting I've built relationships with kids, even toddlers, where they see me as I see them, as an equal.
Funnily enough they always treat me not only better than their parents, but better than literally anyone they know. They respect me as I respect them.
That means no terrible twos, no babies crying for no reason, no fits. Not once, in the thousands of hours and nearly a dozen kids in the last couple years. Well once, one baby girl who was one was drove around all day by her parents and was ultra-upset and still she was only that: upset and fussy. Still no "fit" for me.
When you respect them they respect you, and mutual respect and trust means they listen to you as you listen to them, and thus no misunderstanding happen.
It's so sad so many babies cry and kids have fits simply because their parents do not respect them and won't let a child do a simple thing, such as touch a balloon at a car dealership, and thus the child flips out.
Have you noticed this too(?); that your kids are abnormally well behaved according to how kids apparently "naturally act."
I have noticed the exact same thing. All of the things that other folk see as bad, the bemused looks because she talks excitedly and interrupts them or she wants to do something and I let her and I can see people thinking she cant pull your trolley in the shops etc etc.
She is amazingly well behaved and I think it is exactly as you say above because she is respected and treated as one of us and not just a thing or an annoyance!
I always laugh thinking of all the confused faces and obscurity people think when I'm out in public with kids.
Especially from family, who have many times been holding their kids and then they walk away, and then the kid starts crying (usually baby, obviously) and I quickly run up and request the baby, they give me a weird face, I take the baby to what I think they want and then they're happy and we're back on track wherever in seconds.
Now the obscure face of wondering what I did and how I knew, and why would I go out of my way to do that, all bundled in one expression.
Little do they realize that not only is it good for the baby to do that, but it's good for you as you don't have to have an upset, sad, loud, crying baby.
Silly regular people clearly must not speak baby, or toddler, or maybe they just don't care :(((
Why not let your kid take a trolly in, especially if the store has baskets, it's really not obstructing anything, and besides, nobody really cares. They'd think it's weird, and obscure, but cute~
Yes. Well said.
Nice post @canadian-coconut
Childhood is the most beautiful period, A time that keeps us in peace, without problems... But when we grow up, we begin to be preoccupied with problems, which come and go...
Love this article. :)
Thank-you. Quite true.
Very valid points, yet people don't let people talk, letting children have a say would be difficult. A change is needed, yet it will take time.
What an excellent post. The paragraph that really stood out to me was, "Children do not have all the skills that adults have yet. This is obvious. But we must accept them where they are, and we must help them grow and learn." I do not know how that can happen if they are silenced and told to stand off to the side.
Children are like little sponges listening to grown-up conversation.
If you give them a chance to regurgitate it putting on their own spin to a topic it can be amazing to hear their perspective. It gives them a sense of self worth and importance. That is priceless.
I also know that there are children who have behavior problems and that can stem from a poor diet, lack of sleep, or most importantly vaccines. All those issues are a result of poor parenting. The behavior is not the child's fault.
Thank-you Mary.
Children are amazing and we need to treat them as such.
When you expect the worst out of someone, that is often what you will get, or what you choose to see.
Children are the future! We they are not nurtured and encouraged to grow there is not much hope for what is to come.
Woww!! That is so cool that you unschool your kids, I have looked into it extensively, and all my sons say they love school, so, me respecting them the way I do, I didn't force my way onto them. We are lucky though, our kids go to a school which only has 50 children in it, we live in the country you could say. Rural Nova Scotia.
I hope your words of wisdom fall on the right ears, children are SO important, they have so much value, and they teach me so much that I have lost in the years of adulting. They have a joy just for life. They live in the moment at all times.
Thank you for this empathetic post!
Thank-you.
It's so nice that we think alike on several matters.
I agree. I think there's a tendency to see kids merely as adults in training, rather than beings with just as much thoughts and feelings as you or i. they are complete as they are, and guess what, they're on the same journey of self-discovery. it lasts a lifetime.
I totally agree with you @canadian-coconut, before I had a child I was on the other side and though they should just stay out of it, but now it amazes me how they see the world and the problems. Now my wife and I really enjoy her opinion and input in certain topic because its completely from another perspective and it would never occur to me, not to mention that I can't really argue with her logic, although she is only 3 and 6months and doesn't comprehend everything, a child's input is just as valid.
Awesome post, will resteem.
As someone who just gained the "adult" title almost a year ago, I agree with this post wholeheartedly, (minus the unschooling thing, this is the first time I've heard of it so I'm going to be researching that today). I felt like I didn't have a voice until I turned 18, and even now I still feel I'm not allowed to have a voice in some topics in my family. Any time I try and disagree and debate something, I'm immediately shot down and told "not to be disrespectful!" as if it's disrespectful to not be a mindless robot that always says what you want to hear.
Thanks for commenting. I'm sorry that you still sometimes feel like you don't have a voice around your 'elders.'
Welcome to Steemit and keep learning and growing.
All the best!
I feel that we let people know how we expect to be treated by our treatment of others.
I look at children as humans, because they are! haha They are humans just like me, and we get to help form the world we live in by treating the young with respect and by showing them how to interact with others.
People who grew up with this "seen but not heard" mentality are most unfortunate in my mind. What's worse, I could see someone who was belittled in this way during their childhood, growing up seeking a place of power over children, like a teacher. Not that all teachers are power hungry, damaged former youths, I've known some incredible humans that chose that path with the intention to help children learn, but since compulsory schooling is a sick system, sick people no doubt gravitate there.
Thank you @canadian-coconut for speaking out, yet again. I do feel better about the chances of turning this world around knowing that there are wonderful people like you out there!
Beautiful! I would like to add that I find it sad when people adopt the ideal of "children should be seen and not heard" because it tells me that they have no memory of having ever been a child. I have a huge warehouse of memories of my childhood and some of the best ones involved conversations with adults who made me feel as though what I had to say was valuable, in fact it is largely responsible for the confident individual I am today.
I have this strong desire right now to get in touch with my aunt and let her know that the conversations we had were hugely beneficial to my life, that I am greatly appreciative of being spoken to as a peer instead of spoken down to.
Thank you for this lovely tribute to the beautifully brilliant smallish individuals that are called children ;)
I enjoy being around children. We have been blessed with two sons, four grandsons, a granddaughter, and a great-granddaughter with another great-grandchild on the way. Awesome!
I often greet young children by telling them "I'm happy to see you today." I want them to feel important and valued, and encourage them to share with me what's on their heart.
Thanks for a great post! :D
😄😇😄
Showing respect to children no matter what age they are right now, will eventually develops a balance self esteem in them. They will learn as well how to respect others. As saying goes.."You can give what you do not have" --Thanks for sharing, wonderful article :)
Lovely post.
Sadly people still use violence to coerce children into "acceptable" behaviour.
It never worked and it never will.
Children learn by example and if you act poorly towards them they will sadly pay it forward.
I see the most awful parenting these days bordering on neglect that sadly is ignored. I told a story to another Steemian the other day as I had been out to the bakery and saw something that was dreadful.
A mother was with a young child that was 2-3 years old. The kid had a full size can of full fat coke and a chocolate bar and she was buying him a doughnut.
He doesn't stand a chance.
Sorry it's not a very uplifting story ad I guess slightly off subject but parenting like that needs to be addressed.
@tremendospercy
Every time I go out to a store I see someone disrespecting and in my opinion abusing their child emotionally, and often health-wise as well.
It's really sad how western society, especially American, basically values kids as investments or pets rather than another person who has their own thoughts, feelings, desires, and emotions/needs.
Agreed, it's no different here in Britain.
Very sad.
Isn't ironic that we seem to expect better behavior from our children than we expect from ourselves!?
Its true
Great post @canadian-coconut we have just as much to learn from our children as they do from us. Thanks for the sharing
I agree, how you treat people sets your expectations for them.
You truly add value to this platform!!
Thank-you. I appreciate that.
Its sad to see that childs in the western world are brainwashed so early to be funcionable to the one and only economic way of life and in that way loosing some years of unconserned childhood....
capitalism is fine to me, it just don't need to fill 24/7 of our lives and that our childs
Are you insinuating children aren't intelligent enough to watch nothing but the stock market??
Hey it was a joke, I'm sorry you had to write 2 paragraphs refuting my comment. I will pay for any damages this has caused.
Wonderful article! I really enjoy reading your postings.
Thanks. That's good to hear.
Childism - I love it and it is so true. It's just another 'ism.
Good on you for knowing better and thanks for sharing this important insight!
You are welcome!
The word makes one pause and wonder if they haven't participated in it without recognizing any problem before now.
so true
Nailed it! I've also seen children ignored, or simply not heard, by their elders because the adult was distracted with their phone. If I am in a position to acknowledge the child and help them gain their parents attention I do. Sometimes it's not appropriate because you don't know the people or whatever and I simply feel sorry for the child if i can't do anything to help them.
Many of the parents I, all of them but one mother, babysit for are like that, obsessed with their phone, command their children, etc.
Makes me so sad when the parents come home, I'd genuinely adopt them and support them by stripping away all my luxuries. I'd babysit, and often do, for free, just because I know otherwise who they will be with and how they'll be treated.
The largest (human) civil rights movement that needs addressing and is constantly ignored is the one for children. Stomped on, beaten, yelled at, essentially caged, and generally treated like property. The only one that even compares is Slavery, at least that I can think of, especially in terms of life-long damage and impact.
This is so true, @canadian-coconut. I remember when I was a kid I wasn't heard! It was so annoying to see those parents laughing on everything I say instead of listening to me LOL!
Ah! So sorry to hear that and how badly it made you feel as a child.
I wish that more people would remember that and decide not to repeat the same mistake to their own children.
My first read and I really enjoyed it!
Ah thanks! And welcome to Steemit!
I had a strange childhood in many ways but we were interacted with as equals and I think this is part of the reason I do not vare much for celebrity status types. Just people to me.
Awesome stuff - the world needs to grasp. Children are actually superior to adults in some ways, but the world has blinded itself!
I usually find people who claim or act like they hate kids to be childish and selfish and I generally don't like them XD Some are somewhat redeemable if they like other animals enough.
And I have also often wondered how kids are supposed to learn how to learn how to be "decent members of society" when they spend a good time pretty much age-segregated apart from it (school) and are being told to shut up and go away when they're interested in what's going on (and then the adults wonder why they won't be more responsible and pay attention when they've gotten used to being told off and going away to do their own thing XD).
Yes, thanks.
School is not the place to learn about how to live real life.
An adult's life does not look like school -- locked away all day with only your peers of the exact same age.
Real life is about interacting with young, old and everybody out there.
I agree children should be allowed to communicate with adults.
The little boy should be given enough affection
Because it was their time to know life in this world
Everything we do will be seen and Embedded in their deeds in adulthood, when we plant good behavior will also be good later
please adopt me ...
NOW :-)
I'm totally with you
You just made a new follower :-)
Are you under age 18?
Ha ha ... thanks for the chuckle.
hehehe unfortunately not
42 ^^
but lets go over to japan, its common over there to adopt adults :-)
Did you know that there was a psychological study that determines with 90% accuracy, whether someone is likely to be conservative or liberal? The most accurate predictor turned out to be a question not about politics, but about parenting: "Which is more true for you? a) It is more important for children to obey. b) It is more important for children to express themselves." Guess which answer predicted the authoritarian/conservative!
thanks very much. interesting. that's given me very benefit. and I really want to have a good and intelligent child
Living IS learning....anyone arrogant enough to think they know it all is in for a rude awakening at some point. We are ALL just children in grown up bodies, always learning, always making mistakes and always trying to grasp new concepts and situations.
I totally agree with you that children should be allowed to communicate with adults. I was communicating with my kids (grownups today) since they could understand. No subject was taboo. But the information was given suitable for their age. We had a wonderful open relationship. Their friends always said we wish our parents was like your mom. Children should definitely be allowed to be in adult conversation except if the conversation is too much of adult content. In this case, children's attention can subtly be diverted to another activity, no need to ridicule them. But that said, children should not be allowed to be so disruptive that the adults cannot go on to have a conversation. If they converse in adult conversation then you as a parent should go to the trouble to explain and teach these little precious ones how a conversation work and that everybody gets a chance to speak and listen.
Right. I thought of mentioning that in the article, but I figured it was implied. By being a part of adult conversation the child will gently learn the rules that everybody is following. They won't be told that they need to be quite because they are just a child, but rather that everybody gets a turn and everybody has to be patient and wait until the other person is finished.
Of course, I would be forgiving if sometimes they just can't wait ... because I still get myself in a bit of trouble sometimes when I'm just bursting with new information to share that just popped in my head ... and it's SOO hard not to interrupt. I'm afraid that I will lose the moment.
So if it's hard for me as an adult, I know it would be hard for an excited child to have to wait a long time.
Hehe, yes, my hubby do the same thing. He sometimes interrupts while someone else is still speaking. You would not be rigid with a child. Thank you for your reply.
It's great to reminded.
Great post. Many adults treat children like they are morons. But they are very intuitive and smart. Many adults could learn from them.
Nice article. In this age, children are now behaving differently. You can see some are busy with their gadgets. Removing the gadgets will let them interact with other kids. Which I liked about the later. Thank you for this article.
A nice piece, thank you.
As a child my parents involved my brother and I, and younger siblings later on, in their conversations and interactions with their adult friends. It taught us many things: Respect, patience, manners, conversational skills, confidence and the ability to 'listen to hear' amongst them. As an adult I am grateful to them for having the insight to do so all those years ago. As with most children, my upbringing has had a massive influence on who I am as an adult. I could never thank my parents enough for the way they helped us learn what type of adults we could be from an early age.
Again, thank you for sharing.
Nice post coconut.
I love this. Love your energy... The more we treat children as equals the less they will be hindered by things like timidity, always focusing on separation and dominance in society creates toxic imbalances... keep spreading the love and information
Thanks and I agree!
Ya know...my uncle used to say the exact opposite. "Children should be seen & NOT heard!" He used to say that to tease us but he loved us wreaking havoc. I believe it's what his parents told him so I don't fault him. Then he would mess with us by playing practical jokes on us, so it evened out.
sounds like he was teasing you ... but it seem he engaged with you well.
Thanks for your comment.
Good post! It hit me good. As a child I was told to shut up when "grownups" where talking. But I think that can make a someone insecure in social settings later on.
So I always try to give my daugther my full attention, even when interupting conversation. :)
It's great to see unschoolers represented here on steemit! I homeschooled my own children for a decade and so enjoyed it! I'm a newbie here on steemit, but will likely be posting in the future about some things I learned and enjoyed in our own educational journey. I followed and upvoted. Thanks for the great content!
It's so nice to meet you.
I will follow you to see what you have to say about homeschooling.
Likewise! Following you as well :) Continue to enjoy the journey! All the best
Darn that socialization. It is funny how people who don't understand always point that out first. That is one of the reasons I love home schooling is that my children can socialize with anyone from young babies to elderly people. I have noticed family members who have kids my children ages are not able to do it as well as my kids can.
Right. They think that going to school with everybody the same age is actually socialization.
I totally agree. However, one codicil, as an ex teacher who mainly worked in poorer/rougher schools where parenting was not shall we say, a success. Children had to learn to show better behavior when required. This was alien to many and it took considerable time and some patience, to make the majority understand that 'actions have consequences'. I know that their upbringing was awful but they have to exist in society if they want a happy life. So, yes I totally agree that children should interact and voice their opinion. If they don't know when it is appropriate, or how to act, because of poor parenting skills, then they have to learn. Not everyone will be lucky enough to have an enlightened parent such as you. Myself included here. I was intelligent enough to self improve, The majority require guidance painful though it might be. Great post though. X
I agree. It is so sad when people look down at kids for being kids. They should have the freedom to explore and just be kids! Love this article. Upvoted it.
I agree! As an English teacher I encourage pupils to be heard as much as possible. There is no progress without communication and freedom of thought and expression!
Doesn't it seem odd that parents try
so hard to teach their children how to
talk, and when the children get really
good at it, the parents tell them to
SHUT UP...
@pocketechange
Yes. Ironic indeed.
unschooling/homeschooling is the best way to go i believe
It's lovely to find you here. I have a 4 year old daughter, my ex-girlfriend and I were going to homeschool her but she has been going to school for a few months now, which I am fine with because I see her enjoying it. But I think what you're saying is so important, and it's a great reminder for me as a father to be the best I can be to her and treat her with respect.. Sometimes I can forget that I was little once and I felt ignored very often, and I can recognise a pressure now of this "adult"/"parent" culture around me to conform and belittle my child, the way I was belittled. When actually in my highest frame of mind I see my daughter for what she is, the most amazing ball of light that ever filled my sight! There's nothing small about her, children are so wise, and have so much to teach us because they still have a grip on all those beautiful feelings that we fight everyday to just to remember... If only we listened to them!!..
That is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.