The amount of time and affection a child needs varies by age, maturity level, and personal preference. Three minutes a day is not enough to fulfill a relationship, but a well placed 3 minutes per day can take you further than any 20 minute rant.
The first three minutes of the day
Its always a special treat if I am around when any of my kids first wake up in the morning. There's something about getting 100% attention, cuddles, warm kisses, toe counting for little ones, gentle back rubs for older ones, that puts children in a happy mindset that can last all day long.
Greet your child with 100% attention in the morning and watch them thrive.
Making breakfast, setting out morning clothes, brushing teeth and brushing hair is loving and beautiful, but children don't recognize those attentions until they are more mature. Aim for three whole minutes spent on just them. Make sure that your eyes, ears, and hands are involved with your child. Avoid having one foot pointed towards the door. Children can tell when you have their attention. Give it to them.
Three minutes before you drop them off at an event
Your attention won't be 100% on your child at this time. It will be on traveling to the event.
Make sure that the last three minutes before your child is dropped off are attention filled minutes. Encourage them, tell them they will do great, remind them to have fun, express your love, look them in the eye, and fill them with well wishes.
When driving, its easy to get caught up on the road. Lights don't do what you need them to, cars don't alway signal correctly, and there is a lot going on. Make sure your chid's last interaction with you before being dropped off is an aware interaction filled with attention from their adult.
Three minutes after they get picked up from an event
Its so easy to have a cell phone out while waiting for your child. Sometimes we think we're doing something positive, by talking care of small errands while we wait, we might even be greeting our child by taking a picture. But really the child doesn't know the difference. We spend a lot of time on our phones, Children can't tell if we're chatting with auntie, facebooking grandma, answering comments on steemit, or playing with Castles. They just know that we aren't paying attention to them.
Be present when picking them up and have your attention steered toward them. Hear all about their event, how they spent it, who was nice, who was mean, and simply listen. My daughter is much more pleasant when I greet her after school with attention than when I wave at her while finishing the task Im taking care of on the phone and then say hello.
Children first, buttoning up steemit comments, second.
Three minutes in the late evening
Sometimes the day will have been good, sometimes, it will have needed some adjustments. Sometimes you won't even want to talk about the day, because it was so exhausting. It doesn't matter what you chat about at night, what matters is that you chat. Let a loving person be the last thing your child (wether a little kid or late teen) goes to bed with.
Those are some simple suggestion on how a little bit of time invested in the right part of the day can lead to a more connected life with your child.
The more children you have, the more important it is to make our minutes count. A single child will never feel lost in the crowd. A child of one will never say "my older sister was kind of like my mom." Attention every day, they crave it, they need it, and its a great investment.
Thank you for taking the time to read my opinion. Do you have an easy solution to spending one on one time with your kids? I'd love to hear about it in the comments.
I am yet again amazed at your wisdom and insights @metzli. Seriously, you need to get all these into a parenting or educational book. Check out @steemiteducation and perhaps join their discord too. Your posts have got to gain more visibility, I'm serious! :)
I will look into it again. Thank you for your confidence.
And all the 3 mins add up to be 12 mins,
As a parent if you go about it this way, it would be so easy to do, instead of waiting for that moment when you plan to give your child a big chunk of your time. A moment that might never come.
In addition, some parrnts temd to offer treats as a replacement for their attention, thisis wrong.
12 mins everyday and you'l be a perfect parent
I don’t know about being a perfect parent but it will take you further than not doing this. Lol.
It’s true that one can try to save up their time to give their kids a chunk of time and then it just doesn’t happen.
This is a really brilliant and simple reminder for us all. I am not a mother, but I think these minutes would be great for any relationship.
My friend does this with her kids and I have to say they are two of the most empathetic, intelligent and emotionally competent young women I know.
It makes a huge difference, to be acknowledged, and to know you matter. It is a priceless gift.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
Thanks for reading that parenting post even though you are not a parent.
Its easy to forget when we don't have our "own" kids that we still have the responsibility of raising children as it takes a village. Your friends children sound lovely.
What a great tip and reminder on setting our priorities in an effective manner! With everything moving so fast everyday it's easy to overlook and neglect attending to our child's needs while attending to our child's needs. It's something we need to deliberately so and I love your way of breaking it!
“neglect attending to our child’s needs while attending to our child’s needs”
That was exactly the feeling I was trying to convey. We do so much for our children, but sometimes we fail to connect with them.
Goodreads post @metzli. All the tips look simple but easily neglected by the adult. Poor kids they sometimes waiting for that moment, it just that we as parents don't realize it! Thank you for the reminder again! ;)
You're very welcome.
I remember being a big kid (maybe 12-13) and recognizing all my parents did for me, working, paying bills, buying clothes, keeping me safe, making meals, etc etc, but wishing my parents weren't so busy. I understand why and love them for it, but try to do it a little different with my kids.
Wonderful advises! Those little minutes made a big different!
Thank you ❤️❤️
This is beautiful. There's something magical about the #3 as well. I just did a post on taking 3 deep breaths, and amazingly I've been noticing my kids doing it on their own, yay!
But, I find the challenge is with my oldest who is almost 12. She gets up before me. (I co-sleep with a 5 and 2 yr old, so if I try to get up early, they wake early.) and she reads her own books at bedtime while I am reading to the others. She got all my attention for her first 3.5 yrs, but I need to find more moments to really connect with her throughout the day. Thanks for some great ideas.
You’re welcome. My kids are similar ages. The 11 year old has more activities than the other two, so before her activity and after her activity are good times for me to connect with her.
It does get a little tougher as they get older. Makes us have to pay more attention and get more creative.
It’s easy to think the older ones need us less, but they still need us, they just need us different.
I'll make sure to follow your wise advice when I will have a child. I hope sometime soon and with the right person.
Only now I can understand how caring were my parents.
Good luck! If you are still on Steemit when you reach Mama Stage - there’s a whole group of SteemMamas who are really nice on discord :)
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