As kids, my brother, sister and I were smacked with a hair brush till it broke.
My mum even threatened us with a sjambok, a rhino’s tail (we lived in Africa till I was three.) It was rarely used, if ever, but it looked the part.
I guess that’s one way to get your kids to do what you want.
I even have a memory of being smacked one time for doing nothing wrong. It was a weekend. Dad worked all week in London and all weekend in the garden. Through the window he saw my siblings fighting inside. He lost his temper, and employing the shoot-first-ask-questions-later school of parenting, he stormed in and smacked us all.
Discipline was always a dirty word for me. Our parent’s attempts at discipline didn’t work. Consequently, I’ve had little to no relationship with my parents through the years. Theirs was what I call lazy parenting, and they suffered for it. We all did.
My daughter (left)
I am a single parent. I got three kids, 2 boys and a girl and a cat called Kylie, after the Aussie singer.
For me my kids are my teachers, my foundation, my friends even, perhaps. I focus on their strong points and love them utterly. At times when they’re rude and unpleasant it isn’t easy.
If imposed discipline doesn’t work we’re left with sanctions and rewards to stop kids behaving in negative ways and to motivate them to behave in positive ways.
My own arsenal of parental sanctions includes grounding, confiscating mobile phones (heresy!), docking pocket money, not supplying pudding (often the most effective). But the truth is I threaten these and almost never carry them out. I find talking to them and trying to make them understand the situation and reflect on it the most effective.
I say ‘my teachers my foundations my friends’. Teachers’ insofar as I’ve had to look into myself and change up a gear. I was a lot angrier before my kids taught me how not to be. And anger is so unfashionable these days! They weren’t consciously teaching me but it was their influence that changed me.
‘Foundations’- life was rocky before them. I’ve had to simplify things to stabilize.
‘Friends’. I have many friends. Many friends for many things. I know people who say, ‘Be like your best friend to your kids’. But I don’t guide my best friends through the minefield that is life. This said, I’m much more on my kids’ levels than my parents were with me. I hope one day my kids will become those kind of friends who will remain close, real, and permanent.
Parenting is hard. We are not their keepers. They may have our genes but not our minds, our wills and ambitions. They are not another chance to get life right, nor are they playgrounds for our fears and aspirations. We cannot control them so let’s try and understand them, and love them through thick and thin.
My boys and me
I can relate wholeheartedly to this story. I grew up fatherless with an angry uncle and then later 2 stepfathers who believed in using the "belt" or a piece of wood. Never solved anything. Teaching kids to "fear" you is way old school. I appreciate your conscious approach with your own children, although taking away the "pudding" is pretty extreme. LOL. :)
Ha ha ha I know man- evil dad-- I'm going to take a leaf out of @samstonehill's book- he's getting into a new type of theory behind parenting- do you follow him?
Yes, Sam is a good friend of my friend @kenistyles. "Conscious" parenting IS the new way.
Yes indeed- I'm trying that.
I've only posted 4 times now- it's so hard to get people to read it. I just posted last night and only got 5 votes. If you can find it please can you take a read and if you like it upvote me? :)
Great article bro. Keep em coming and you are bound to get noticed :)
Surprised to see you wearing sunglasses there. I gave them up years ago.
Sunglasses are a bit of a trap. The more you wear them the more you need them. The less you wear them the less you need them. In fact you want to be getting as much natural light into your eyes as possible. The body feeds off and responds to light, particularly light entering though the eyes. I should really write a post about this!!!
Damn.. You and I had quite a similar up bringing.
Kindred spirits
Wow I can only imagine this might be difficult for you but so far I can see you are quite strong.... Keep putting smiles on their faces especially your only daughter
Difficult implies negativity. I call it 'challenging' because it makes me a better person :)
That's exactly how I meant forgive my choice of words
No problem dude :)
I am blessed in that I was never hit by a parent. Where do you live? Parenting is indeed hard, it has made me entirely new. Forced me to look hard in the mirror and honestly self reflect. I am grateful for my little teacher friends <3
I'm in UK- Kent. If you don't change you lose- right?