I don't have kids and have been medically advised to not consider it. But like everybody else, I was a teen once. And I recall watching at the sidelines as a lot of my classmates went through the defensive whenever they got told to scale back on the attitude. I was on the emotionally-challenged spectrum during that time so I was mostly delegated the task of being the sitter for everyone else. But looking back, as I now feel sometimes defensive when cornered, it makes sense that teens are prone to biting first when they feel like they are questioned too much. With the brain changes and surges of hormones, the perspective shifts. Everything seems heightened somehow and it gets confusing. They struggle to make sense of everything and if someone comes at them, for sure it's going to be messy. Our default for survival is to defend ourselves. Being approached with neutrality seems logicak. But I can hardly blame parents when their own parental instinct are also on overdrive and they just want to know their kids are okay. I guess it's a matter of communication and understanding that there are physiological changes to be factored in when dealing with teens. In any case, interesting read. I've always thought it's mostly hormones.
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I’m in agreement with you there. I’m a libertarian and it is hard for me to have a child say ‘am I allowed ...’. My kids will reply “allowed? We don’t bother with that word.” Coz they’ve heard it so much from me. We just don’t really have that word. It’s too power-one-way for me to feel comfortable with. So the Parenting Teen Breakthrough book is an excellent one as it points out to parents that they don’t have control, they never did and they should stop seeking for it as it disrupts any influence they have a hope of having. ❤️
Perhaps the term control is the issue. Influence is a far better term or idea that both party should consider. Children look up to parents and are more likely to be swayed into a certain decision provided they are not driven into a corner where they feel instinctively defensive. And I suppose it's the same for parents in that they should also consider the opinion of their children enough to modify their own (with reason of course). I find that some parents have the reasoning that because they're older and they are the parents, every decision they make is right. I've had that experience where I was told, "I'm the parent." And down the line, it turned out my decision would've been better off. And yet it was painted that it was my fault regardless that shit hit the fan for not re-iterating my side enough.