This is a very apt analogy. What role model do I want to be for them? I don't want to be any kind of role model. I don't want them to look in my direction at all. At most, I want to be a ghastly reflection of the invisible voice that guides. I want to be just another radio, unworthy of note, but broadcasting the station of Truth; not for their benefit, but because it is glorious, authentic, and appropriate to do so.
Each person should actively SEEK that broadcast on their own, be it with the help of others, or from their own introspection. What upsets me most is that it appears as though those who DO actively seek it must implore those who don't to do so as well, lest they destroy themselves and take everyone else with them. We must carry them upon our back while they lazily nap, or kick and beat us while we bear their burden. They accept their degradation proudly, and chastise those who seek to uplift. I embrace my personal responsibility to learn, and I resent having to bear their slings and arrows, and convince them through appeasement to do the same.
But, this too is part of my learning, I suppose. Resentment is just more ego deception that is not fundamentally unlike their own. I know the truth of this, and I want to feel compassionate enough to help them, but although this was very easy for me in my youth, I am finding it near impossible to do now.
If they would just leave us alone, I would be content to leave them to their disaster. But they don't just stand and spin - they chase you down to beat you; waving papers for you to sign, and demanding payments for nothing, and trying to bring you in on their big ideas. They poison the very air, water, and land. They threaten to destroy the world through their ignorant insecurity. They will not abide your living in peace - they need to beat on you to feel good about themselves.
Honestly, I feel like just cashing out my chips here. I've come as far as I've come, and I'm content to not reach the finish line in this lifetime and to let my legacy be a halfway run of the race. I'm tired. They are nigh unto immovable. It is difficult to get up each day and continue to push a boulder up a hill that itself has no desire to move, while the winds and raging waters resist my every stride.
I am quite sorry to burden you with this. Feel free to ignore me at any time. I'm serious - you don't have to talk me through this.