Imagine an arena where wooden figures move and their rotating arms and legs could knock you down as you walk the parcours. They don't care, they keep spinning even if you haven't managed to escape a blow. If you get angry, you'll make more mistakes as you go through it, and every more punch will make you angrier. Imagine that these wooden figures symbolize those who don't know that they are wooden figures. However, it is clear to you that your anger is not caused by them, but arises within you because you are angry at yourself for having taken blows. None of the figures can change from wood to flesh if you stand there and try to convince them.
Now imagine that the arena is as big as your whole city. In addition to you, there are other players in the field who try to circumvent the figures. Some do it very elegantly and well, stroke the wooden extremities gently, almost never bump into anything, others are battered and angry and lament with almost every wooden figure they come up against. Still others seem to stand years in front of the same figure and persuade or smack it. They do not move on. Others have laid down to be spared from blows and movement, some of them turning to wood. Some of the wooden figures suddenly come to life and take part in the general game. They want to be part of this liveliness and hadn't been tied to a player for a long time who tried to fight them back incessantly.
Even the most elegant players lie down from time to time, even the angriest ones gently stroke a figure, even the weary have moments of skillful spontaneity, etc. Everything is included in constant change.
What do you think the other players want to see in you? What role model do you want to be for them?
This is a very apt analogy. What role model do I want to be for them? I don't want to be any kind of role model. I don't want them to look in my direction at all. At most, I want to be a ghastly reflection of the invisible voice that guides. I want to be just another radio, unworthy of note, but broadcasting the station of Truth; not for their benefit, but because it is glorious, authentic, and appropriate to do so.
Each person should actively SEEK that broadcast on their own, be it with the help of others, or from their own introspection. What upsets me most is that it appears as though those who DO actively seek it must implore those who don't to do so as well, lest they destroy themselves and take everyone else with them. We must carry them upon our back while they lazily nap, or kick and beat us while we bear their burden. They accept their degradation proudly, and chastise those who seek to uplift. I embrace my personal responsibility to learn, and I resent having to bear their slings and arrows, and convince them through appeasement to do the same.
But, this too is part of my learning, I suppose. Resentment is just more ego deception that is not fundamentally unlike their own. I know the truth of this, and I want to feel compassionate enough to help them, but although this was very easy for me in my youth, I am finding it near impossible to do now.
If they would just leave us alone, I would be content to leave them to their disaster. But they don't just stand and spin - they chase you down to beat you; waving papers for you to sign, and demanding payments for nothing, and trying to bring you in on their big ideas. They poison the very air, water, and land. They threaten to destroy the world through their ignorant insecurity. They will not abide your living in peace - they need to beat on you to feel good about themselves.
Honestly, I feel like just cashing out my chips here. I've come as far as I've come, and I'm content to not reach the finish line in this lifetime and to let my legacy be a halfway run of the race. I'm tired. They are nigh unto immovable. It is difficult to get up each day and continue to push a boulder up a hill that itself has no desire to move, while the winds and raging waters resist my every stride.
I am quite sorry to burden you with this. Feel free to ignore me at any time. I'm serious - you don't have to talk me through this.