We all have mental issues. You may disagree of course but that is likely one of your mental issues at play. Or not, it could be my mental issue in the way I observe you. You could say that I am a mental health expert but, that would be a lie, I have no idea but like to think about things.
One of my greatest fears for myself is being a burden on others whether that be physically, financially but most of all, emotionally. When I was young, I would cry often at home, never at school. The risk was just too high at school, the cost was likely greater at home.
For most of my life, I have been seen as the weaker in the family, the one that must by tiptoed around in case my sensitivities are hurt but, most have not paid attention, must have failed to see that the little boy teased at school is not so little and not so sensitive anymore.
I remember when I was eight or so waiting to be collected from school, a common tormentor decided to crush my new white shoes under his feet as I sat. The difference between and eight year old and a twelve year old is large. I sat and took it, barely flinched.
My father came with 2 of my brothers from the high school and I got into the car. It was then I broke down as we drove away. I told them what happened and my brother @galenkp who was driving, saw the boy walking. He pulled the car over and had a chat with him on the side of the road. The boy never spoke to me again, never even looked in my direction.
It has been a long time since I have cried, a long time since anyone has rushed to my defense either. I like it this way, to me, this a part of overcoming myself. It is not that I don't feel, it is not that I restrict my emotions but, they are personal, as emotions always are, it is a choice to express them, it is a choice to unleash them upon others.
And this is what I wonder as we go forward in this life where so few have the ability to control their emotions, so many think they are entitled to express themselves and be guaranteed an audience. This is not the case.
So many I know who are unable to control themselves are lonely, looking for a person to share a life with, never having found the right one who will listen to them, adjust for them, compromise themselves to satisfy the demands of an unstable mind. Is it any wonder they have difficulties?
Why must it be that the idea of in sickness and in health means that when one is sick, the healthy must compromise? Why isn't it the sick that should attempt to be healthy? It sounds like crazy talk doesn't it? But, this is not cancer, this is psychological positioning. It is treatable however, only the ill can do the work.
Do they see the way they manipulate situations to get attention, get sympathy, get their way? Do they understand they are making those they care about sacrifice who they are to accommodate their unwillingness to look into the mirror? They make themselves the centre of the universe and everyone must revolve around them but, instead of a sun, they are a black hole.
They absorb the energy of those in their orbit through their demanding ways, their emotional manipulations, the weight of their existence crushes down. They are burdens of love.
But, there comes a time where the surrounding few break free from the gravity and float away to find themselves again, to discover who they were before they compromised themselves thinking they were doing what was right by the ill.
How can one say 'I love you' and then treat their love with such disdain they must change themselves to remain, force them to absorb such violence, make them feel guilty if they attempt to get some distance?
I have told my wife, if I lose my control, if I lose my mind, if I become an emotional burden, take our daughter, leave and do not look back. I tell her this now for if it happens, I may not recognise the signs. Perhaps I will adjust and improve, perhaps not but, demanding someone who loves me to stay and enable me by changing themselves, I cannot subject them to that, I can't condone that from myself.
I have had some bad times through the years as my physical health issues pressed themselves into my mind but as alone as I felt I knew, this is not the person to be in a relationship yet. I will not subject someone I care about to this. But many do.
Many of the depressed look for comfort in relationship thinking that if they can 'just find the right person' without realising that they may find them, and their emotional mass will weigh them down over time, change them until they are unrecognisable to themselves or to others.
But, for the lonely, the emotionally unstable, they will not see this happening but they will feel the change and they will blame the changed. 'You used to be patient, you used to support me, you used to this and that...' But, they are tired, worn out from being forced to be what they are not. They can no longer keep up the facade but feel compelled to try for love.
Is that love? Perhaps love would be if thy walk away instead and the other lets them go. I do not know, but for me, I will not be a burden so instead of forcing change, I spend the time discussing with the mirror and ask 'Am I the person I want to be for someone I love?'
I am not but, I am improving each day. The only thing slowing me down is me.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
Being aware is a great thing to have as a tool .. sure looks like you are aware of the ups and downs ,, Family is everything and looks like you know that to be true ,. i look forward to reading more of your posts .. jkenny
Welcome back anytime and thanks for taking a moment to read and comment.
The courage to bare your emotions and share them with us is something I look forward to. I do believe that the key to change can only be accessed from within, but we can still guide them in the process. I know it can take a lot of energy, but there are those who will be willing to give out those energies because they care and they believe. In return, those who are comforted can pay back the gratitude just by being strong and fighting back at or controlling emotions.
A beautiful piece of a vulnerable you. Thank you for letting us take a glimpse.
It is a fine line between help and harm and sometimes the intuition gets it very wrong.
"We all have mental issues." There is much truth in that. For all of our similarities, we are also very different, individual beings. That's why most of us value our privacy, at least from time-to-time, and some more than others. I can e totally alone, in a room full of people.
I have always been an introvert, and it use to really bother me. When I was out, I'd often drink to much to just try and feel comfortable, and just to try to fit in. It usually didn't help, and often made things worse, much worse at times.
As I grew older, I started to realize that there was no reason for me to try to change myself. I'm just me, being me, and I do it pretty damned well! lol
I've always been a very emotional, and sensitive person, which maybe isn't always looked upon as a great characteristic, at least when you're a man, but again, I've learned to love that about myself. I'm honest, and will always try to help any living thing that needs it, whether it be another person, or a hungry animal on the street. What's not to like about that? lol
Obviously, I can't speak for you, and I'm just guessing here, but at nearly fifty years of age myself, I'm guessing that you're probably younger than me. I know you've had some issues in your life, we all do, but I'd be willing to bet that you'll continue to understand and accept yourself more everyday, and start to realize just how unique and great that you really are!
You mentioned the boy that crushed your new white shoes. I can remember stuff like that from over fifty years ago, and it still affects me when I think about it. That's obviously a sign of a very sensitive person, but again, there's nothing, wrong with it.
Thanks for your very honest post.
I love the sincerity in your words @tarazkp. It takes a lot for us, humans, to accept our faults and weaknesses. It takes even more to accept that you are the weak one in a relationship. I have been in several failed relationships and each time the euphoria fades, I ask myself; what did I do wrong? Did I not love her enough? Did I not show her enough? Did I not go out of my way to please her? And each time I end up blaming myself. Maybe there's something I should have done or said.
We are always seeking for who to lean on; someone to share the weight of living with. We call it companionship, relationship, marriage, friendship... But it is actually a selfish thing. Why because, we get into these connections out of our own needs, not because of the needs of your wife, your best friend or your flatmate. If they had nothing to offer you, you won't go near them. This is who we are.
We act like we do not need people to survive; move away from family, go for retreats in isolated places, etc but we never completely cut off ourselves; we read, we watch TV, we use the phone... Are these not relationships?
I think I am derailing from the subject of your article. I must apologize.
We only give what we have; and love is a burden even without the baggage, some of us carry along. Changing to fit into someone's idea of right, compromising your health, your hobbies, your job, your whole life, just to please someone else is a big deal. That is why we should never take for granted those who have given up a lot for us. This is a burden that we must bear.
I doubt if I made sense here, I was probably rambling. It's 1.52am here and I am weirdly awake. This was a good read @tarazkp. The article needs some edits though; some spelling mistakes here and there. Auto-correct at work I guess. Good morning
In the very same instant you perceive to be a burden on anyone. ¡Don't waste time! Stand again immediately in front of the mirror and rip away de extra weight apart.
Btw, good chap that Smoky Persian cat you had. :)
I agree.
'If I could only find the right person' is just a way of refusing to face your problems. Putting it like this you're simply saying to yourself that there's nothing wrong with you. Sure, someone else, 'the right person' can help you, but only if you're already working on your own problems.
And yes, we all have mental issues. The key is to not to let those issues take control.
I too do not wish to be a burden on anyone, yet because of my situation I think it is likely. Suicide is an option, but the problem is timing. When I become a burden to others, will I still have the will and capacity to act?
I am afraid the future is out of my control. Should I chance it?
I have the same questions. I had a Persian cat named Smoky once. One day it got sick and walked away and never came back. Dignity?
Yes! I think you should chance it. I hope you both do. Live in the now.
I love this sentence right here, so deep and true. This is the kind of egoism that our society promotes these days, unfortunately.
You're strong and Aware enough of the situation and traumas that you've encountered in youth and that is the first step in the resolution of any issue, be Aware that there is a that issue.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts and stories with us Mr. @Tarazkp, I'm sure all of us can relate to them, even if a little.
blind love :(
Love is something of magnitude :)
I don't need another temporary person.
This is so true! There no clinical diagnosis called "crazy." And everybody has levels of mental disorders, some more than others, but society has created a false barrier as to what is considered "normal."
I support you until the end very nice post @tarazkp
pure love... is the only place where the heart will rest!!
Nice article, really articulate and thought provoking - thanks
It's all over this post is great , you do well dear .
Keep growing up .
Thanks for sharing .
Namaste
I definitely would rather not be a burden to someone, but I also believe it's okay and actually a nice experience sharing burdens in appropriate ways. It's a tough skill to not be overbearing when reaching out, but essential for community!
Nice post sir.Your correction is almost better.You always uploads interesting and important post sir.I also Upvote and resteem your post.Upvote and resteem done.
Had tears in my eyes when I got to that part... It is always nice reading your posts as you pour out your heart in your writings... Thanks for sharing. Please check this out sir🙏... https://steemit.com/untalented-adjustments/@mizdais/amazing-adjustments-that-has-happened-to-my-life-since-i-discovered-steemit-success
I like your article very much, as I've been there... And it's exactly as you describe it.
It took me a while to get back to being me.
I was lucky enough to escape from the black hole, and I still have the scars. I am sure there are a lot of people out there who are still into this type of destructive gravity. Let's hope most of them are going to find a way out.
Thank you for this post ☺️👌
A very nice topic and I love what your brother did. Some naughty kids wouldn't understand only that way :)
Well sometimes I feel myself a bit different. Having different thoughts and ideas. The people I know dont even think the same way as I do, so I keep the most thoughts for myself. I feel lonely sometimes, because I dont find people who can understand me, but dont see it as a mental issue as well. And yes I also avoid having a relation in the near future till I can understand myself first. So I think many of us are going through changes in life and cant really explain it. But enjoyed reading your post!
I don' think that's love, or if it is, it's a pitiful sort of love. One that's brought one by weakness, by fear, it's desperate (on the part of the "black hole", of course). I mean they don't cling on to the other person and force them to be someone else out of maliciousness, but because they're terrified to be alone.
Because I think they know that they won't find any help there (and perhaps no pity either) - in their own minds, so they try and beg for someone to solve them.
But it's not love.
There are people who should do exactly that but they are usually the ones who would never acknowledge it. Are you perhaps being a little too harsh on yourself?
But it's true that the world is full of more or less broken people. I actually agree that it would be for the best for many of them to stay out of relationships altogether. This is why I'm always telling young people to be very careful about who they get seriously involved with. For many, if not most, who are broken enough to not be able to have healthy relationships, it would be extremely hard if not impossible to overcome their problems. But fortunately there is an ever increasing multitude of distractions to replace actual human relationships. But they will be part of the solution and not the problem only so long as they do not interfere with parenting.
Can I begin by saying that it is perfectly normal for an eight year old child to cry when bullied in the manner you were. I am glad your brother came to your rescue but as one of the adults in the described situation, he was only doing what might be expected of any adult.
Most of us live in families composed of quite different personalities to our own and we can often be very self critical when we compare ourselves with the 'idealised' version of another family member.
I would agree with 'rip-youtube' that as we grow, we tend to be more understanding and comfortable with those aspects of ourselves that are not the easiest. Of course, I would agree with you too, that we have a very definite responsibility, to grow, develop and work on those areas where progress is desireable and achievable.
I am not however sure that we can assume what we might see to be a burden, is necessarily viewed in the same way by another person. I think this is especially true in the context of loving relationships. We all talk to ourselves (or the mirror) but naturally what is reflected back is what makes sense to us. Perhaps we all need to communicate more with those who love us, and really listen to and hear what feedback they give us.