Toward the end of a class today I mentioned that my daughter was in hospital and they wondered why I was not at the hospital as well. Being self-employed is a kind of rain or shine, sickness or in health kind of deal and as it is only me, it is only me. My business is such that unless I am in front of clients, I do not get paid and right now, that is not much of an option.
It is this cycle I am trying to break, one where a few events piled atop one another can cause a great amount of pressure, like rocks on the chest weigh one down. I dislike this feeling but at the same time, it forces me to be productive in uncomfortable ways. There is value in discomfort although right now, I would like a little respite. Wanting something doesn't make it so.
During the class I was explaining a few cultural type of phenomena in Finland with one being the glorification and celebration of mediocrity. There is nothing wrong with being average but, I think that wasting resources is part of a poor process and choosing to be average is incredibly wasteful and quite selfish.
Yes, this is personal choice and forcing people to perform like trained monkeys is not a healthy process but, what is holding so many (myself included) back from striving to be their best, why do we use so much energy to be like everyone else? This is the culture in Finland although, I do think it is slowly shifting.
People fear (again myself included) standing out in the crowd, standing apart from the group as it opens one up to judgement, positive and negative. And, the more public and divergent the person, the more likely negative judgement will come. It is a standard distribution thing where people accept average easily and reject more and more strongly the further away something gets from themselves.
It is easy to judge something on the differences and say it is 'not right', than recognize the similarities and acknowledge that it is 'not right, just like me'. It is easy to cherry-pick the dividing differences and focus attention there than accept the generally much larger pool of same that unite people.
Freud coined a term, the Narcissism of Small Differences observing that groups with adjoining territories and cultural similarity are much more likely to partake in feuds and mutual ridicule. It is much like a personality clash between parent and child when they are 'too similar', causing friction. that can lead ti all kinds of difficult situations and complicated relationships.
It is an interesting paradox of sorts because we like to associate ourselves with people and groups similar to ourselves but, when we are within those same groups, the narcissism of small differences creates conflicts as people are essentially forced to compete for the same patch of ground with similar skillsets and outlooks. This competition is what leads to a great deal of animosity between group members who on paper should be good friends due to similarity.
This is because they are competing on a differentiation of skill but, that differentiation might be a very narrow band and relatively insignificant in the grand scheme of things. but, that same differentiation could be the difference between being a mid level salary semi-pro or extremely highly paid sporting star. There is massive incentive to be the best even if that best is not much better than a step or two down the ladder.
In my opinion, this is why it is quite ridiculous to not push for being our best in whatever we choose but instead compete on being average on what the group has decided is acceptable. It means that the majority of us are not only not doing what we want or enjoy, we have very, very little chance of being successful enough at it since the pool of people competing is immense and some of them actually love what they do and are very good at it.
Wouldn't it be a better process for the individual that instead of aiming for average in something many are already doing it would be better to drive for excellence in something that is actually enjoyed and potentially, valuable? This will of course require a whole range of skill development that might not be as enjoyable as the overall result but, that is where the love and passion comes in.
I don't know about other people but for me, I don't want a presentation to be mediocre, I don' want to buy a product from a sales person who doesn't care about what they are selling and, I am not inspired by people who don't believe in themselves, who don't believe that they have any agency over their own lives. Average isn't inspiring just like a cloudy day isn't going to take the breath like a magnificent sunset.
Finding what we enjoy is definitely not an easy process as for the most part, the incentives are not there in the lower reaches. But, finding something that one can talk about with passion, care for and want to hustle day in and day out trying to be better at, isn't that incentive enough?
Similar is what we have, different is where real value lays.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
Mediocrity is a state of mind. We often feel inferior when comparing ourselves to other, more successful, people. We try to 'fit-in' and 'follow the crowd', whilst continuing to dwell on all of the bad things that happen in our lives. We don't realise that most other people lead equally unfulfilled lives, feel inferior, feel mediocre, and often put on a false front or adopt a pseudo-personality to either boost their own self-esteem, their sense of worth, or make others believe that they're doing better than they are. Ultimately mediocrity is linked to an overwhelming feeling of a lack of importance.
Agree.
Add to that that people don't think about you much (if at all) and the absurdity of the fear of standing out in the crowd becomes apparent. Sure, what the tribe thinks of you has been important in the stone age, but today...
People are too busy with their own lives and thoughts to think about you. Even if they've got nothing else to do but to form strong opinions about you and your behavior... do you really care?
I know how difficult and confusing is all can be. I did not find my happy place (doing what I really enjoy doing) until I was 45 years old. Up until that point, I was just existing. I guess my motivation was when my husband became very sick and could not work anymore. Then, it was my turn. I had to step up to the plate and really take care of things. I guess I was almost forced into doing it. I went back to college and now I teach, take care of my disabled husband, and all of the responsibilities that that and taking care of a home entails. I don't have a lot left over to steem, but I get on the computer when I can. I guess, until we face a really difficult situation, we do not know what we are capable of.
Good luck to you and your family.
It is a shame it takes such difficulties to bring out our best, if only we could be our best when everything is going well and we have the resources to really make a difference.
You are a much stronger person than me by the sounds.
Thank you, but I think we all have strength inside of us, sometimes it takes a jolt to discover it!
Seriously not just them. I do wonder too how you make time to be on steemit and post regularly too, when u have your baby sick and a job to attend to?
You are really trying and u fit into every letters in the word "Man". @Tarazkp you are indeed a man. I wish you good luck in all you do.
I make the time by doing everything I must before anything else. When it comes to the writing, it is in the gaps. I plan while I drive, I write when our daughter has a nap or I have a break to eat.
Well the thing some people think being mediocre and self pitiful, tbey will gain the favour of people, thus making them do what they want, well the thing is, I think the world deserves people who works their asses off to deliver, this are the people the world needs
I guess this is the process for sympathy sex. ;)
I agree, there needs to be more people working and delivering.
Most people do not achieve what they know they are capable of achieving. Most people go the majority of their lives using only a small part of the vast pool of potential buried within themselves. Nothing worth speaking about ever came from the confines of ones comfort zone. I say confines, because a comfort zone is a prison of sorts. When you are in prison, you are limited in what you are able to do. You cannot do as you please. Living within your comfort zone restricts what you can do, in the same way that a prisons wall do. To venture outside of your comfort zone, is to step out into freedom. Sometimes freedom is scary. Some prisoners commit crimes after they are released because life in the real world scares them, and they would rather go back to what they are used to, prison. In much the same way, when most of us venture into freedom, we find it scary, and so we commit a crime against ourselves and run back to our comfort zones.
If you take a closer look at the fear of standing out, you will discover that standing out is not what we fear. Think about it. What specifically is it about standing out that cause that anxiety to surface? More often than not, the fear of standing out (and in fact many fears) are just the fear of the unknown in disguise. If you fear standing out from others, it is not the standing out that causes you to feel afraid, but rather, it could be that you are worried about what other people may say to you or about you, or how people will treat you differently, or it could be something else, but there will be an unknown that is the true source of that fear.
If you think about it, it is kind of silly to spend your life swimming in mediocrity, only so you can go to war with the great majority of people who, just like you, committed themselves to being comfortable, instead of uncovering the truth about what the route cause of your fear is, or learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I hope your daughter gets well soon. I shall hold her in my heart as I pray tonight.
I see it the same way, a self-imposed prison with bars of culture, religion, society and whoever else's expectations we try to live by.
Fear of judgement, not being accepted, rejected, ridiculed... the list goes on but, all fears lead back to the one point.
Thanks, I enjoyed reading this :)
You are bang on - I keep meaning to write a book called "The Problem with Middle" (or I could change 'middle' to 'average' using your wording). It is where the most competition lies, where resources are at their most scarce yet it is where the majority reside!
I think that part of the problem is that we're hard-wired to follow the herd. We compare ourselves to others and then end up homogenising into a single group of commoditised average-ness!
It is brave to step out onto the fringes yet this - as you note - is where the inner and outer rewards lie.
We also encourage average through society in many ways to create easy control points for both evaluation and management.
Having responsibility means we do what is required for our family . It often comes with setbacks . That doesn't make us average it makes us above average .
We plan for the best and prepare for the worst . Unfortunately what we plan is always a day late . We get through it and hope we are smarter and stronger .
On the positive side we try and prepare for the next event . Maybe luck is the ones who have managed to avoid the events .
Or prepared for it on the learning from other's mistakes. What doesn't kill us...
Just read that your daughter is in the hospital. Didn’t have a lot of Steem time in the past days!
So I hope it isn’t anything to bad or serious and that she recovers soon and everything will turn out to be okay!
Lots of emotional supportand strength as long as it lasts.
Cheers,
Peter
Cheers mate, still trying to work out what the issue is.
That must be the most frustrating part! Your mind must be going in all kind of direction. Uncertainty is the most difficult thing!
If I can do anything let me know!
I read this post , and then re read this again....
I couldn't work out what I disagreed with...but I knew there there was something judging by my lack of 'satisfaction' within my self.
Then I realized what it was! ...(I don't see as a weakness or a strength btw- just a position).
To know where 'average', 'poor' and 'mediocre' lie on some scale must mean comparisons to others.
We all do it that course, but by varying degree's. Mine being quite minimal - I think - (compared to to others! lol).
The benefits of seeing things from that perspective like that are pretty obvious.
Steady continual improvement.
The downsides?
I dunno about that to be honest - but I do know that every second looking at someone else's life is one less second looking at your own.
..I spend less and less time looking at other peoples lives nowadays....(comparing things, I mean)
I just realized this is not a very good reply at all, but I hope you get the point...
I have a hangover.
lol.
I think that I know when I give a mediocre effort or when I give it my all. The comparison isn't to others, it is to my own past and my future expectations from myself. Sure, people might compare themselves to others in many ways too which can be handy for benchmarking however, one needs to look inside and explore a bit more also.
I feel like I have a hangover but don't remember the fun bits of the night before :)
ah ok. that blows my theory out of the water then! lol.
I definitely don't do that much/enough...oops.
Oh, all my memories are clear, just my head that isn't...
In my opinion the ability to hustle is one of the most important things you can do. The reason I think this is because it isn't a talent that you are born with or a trait that some have and some don't. It can be learned (or really practiced) by anyone.
Anyone can work hard, it doesn't take an athlete or a person that is gifted in a particular field to have a solid work ethic. Shying away from hard work is where we get into trouble as a society. We tend to get complacent and we strop reaching and challenging ourselves.
So I think this is great, be different and do it well, don't fall into a life of complacency and find pride in outworking everyone around you. It doesn't take a special person to working harder than everyone else, it just takes a little drive.
Cheers to all of the people that have the fire burning and the gears turning! Get out and make shit happen!
I think peoplelook at what others do and create an illusion they have it only because they were born with it.
The problem is that the market demands something very different than what most people are passionate about doing. It's the passion that is the problem here. If passion becomes a requirement, then all hope is lost for the vast majority of people unless a way will be discovered to engineer passion to direct it to things there is actually a market for.
The market demands robots, one day, the market will get them.
we have to start having passion or look for the horizons we want in our lives, many of us are conformist and we do not give the best of ourselves, we have to look for and continue walking daily to find the path that you are passionate about or that makes you feel great and that you anime daily to fight to be the best, in that moment you will feel that you are doing something different and very positive, it entertains me and fills me with great knowledge what you publish because you transmit the good vibes and it leaves your heart, I need to change and believe me that reading what you publish makes me feel that I should change for the better and have a passion for what I do, write from the heart is your passion m indirectly incentivize the people is your best job
Hi @tarazkp, The love, passion and desire to anticipate any obstacle is what drives him to get up every day despite the evidence he has, people ask him how he can be and meet almost everywhere and do everything possible to weigh the problems he lives. but I know that what drives you is the love of your family and you want to leave any test and undertake the projects that you have in mind, you are a man since there are very few at this moment, I congratulate you and please do not stop publishing your experiences , because they are an example for many who should be like you. Go ahead, do not faint. Greetings from Venezuela.
Man or woman, rich or poor, we all have the same opportunity to be our best with the hand we are dealt.
Hi Taraz. I understand how you are feeling and the situation you are in. It's not funny and one to change so you don't revisit it again. People are quick to judge but don't know the facts.
It is a common process of human, judge and feel right.
I'm one of those that kept wondering how you were able to write at all despite what is happening to your daughter.
But, it seems you are just too strong to be broken by any situation because this is the time you produce some of the most emotional post I've seen this year.
You are such a special being...
I'm sure your daughter is much more better? I wish her a very quick recovery.
It isn't strength, it is necessity. If I break, what then? Not many options left.
Hmmm, it takes great understanding to be operating on this level.
hey @tarazkp am really inspired by the message it is like you are talking to me because am this one kind of person who wants to get off the job am doing now my instincts keep telling me to leave and concentrate more on my personal business but every time I sit down to write a letter the spirit of fear tells me am going to fail and I won't have a back -up plan, so I withdraw immediately then do my business in secrecy . I find so much sense and education in this message.
I do agree its better to find what you love and pursue it instead of settling for what everybody else is doing and I think deep down it's what everybody wishes for, but that it is that group mentality you talked about that tends to hold them back. And ultimately leads to less and less people starting innovative initiatives :(
Once again I wish your daughter a quick recovery and blessings to your family. They're really lucky to have a hustla like you willing to do and go through anything for them. Stay strong :)
Different is always the best option. I raise my children to understand that different is not to be judged or laughed at, it is to be celebrated and cherished. Being the same as all your friends is not being who YOU are, it is being a false shell of yourself. We are not the same and that was how we were designed. My children are the ones that talk to the "weird" or "left out" kid. They are the ones that will defend them if they need it. My kids and I are usually the ones labeld different from the "normal" people and I am thrilled with that :)
There is "value in discomfort" just as long as it is not 'too much' pressure. There is a point at which the pressure can be too much and I know personally when it has been too much for me. Hope you never get there.
if in my opinion be patient, we hope tomorrow is better than today
Wow, u really hope she gets better and you styel up with your business and income to be able to take perfect care of her and everyone
I'm one of those that kept wondering how you were able to write at all despite what is happening to your daughter.
But, it seems you are just too strong to be broken by any situation because this is the time you produce some of the most emotional post I've seen this year.
You are such a special being...
I'm sure your daughter is much more better? I wish her a very quick recovery.
Nice and perfect in the post @tarazkp