I’ve loan
ed blood
to soil
ed hands
violence that
comes with
a side of
fries and
a boy
tearing
or tearing
the legs of
a spider
off
my blood
ied soil
stain
ed hands
a crack of
jaw or smile
splitting the
face of
a boy
with a side
of stitch
es and ice
cream
or cry
ing the
seam
seems to
have come
undone
my blank
et in soil
ed hands
violet like
bruise
d fruit or
violent
like eye
s that catch
the light
I grasp at
clasps that
seal my lip
s shut like
my jacket
I leave on
to hide that
I’m not
cold.
Rare for me to write something this vulnerable, but here we are.
A handful of years ago I was introduced to a book, 'The Will to Change' by Bell Hooks.
This book helped me in not only self-identifying as a feminist, but also understanding what that would mean for a CIS white man, often unprogramming a lot of my learned toxic masculinity and learning how to become and be an ally and find a voice to speak against problems (read "other men") while balancing the need for that voice to be one of support.
It's an ongoing process, but I'm incredibly thankful to Bell Hooks for setting me on a better path for my life.
When I was a wee lad, I got into a few fights with an older and bigger kid because he would pull the legs off of daddy long leg spiders; these never ended well for me.
I bought into a lot of toxic masculinity that was part of the culture of my upbringing, hiding bruises and writing them off and developing a self-depreciative complex to cope with being bullied for being strange: things like showing love for spiders, having an accent and lacking confidence.
So yeah, all this to say, Happy 'fuck every guy who searched "when is international men's day" on google' Day. Cheers.
The 100 Day Poetry ChallengeWritten for free-verse poetry maven @d-pend's amazing poetry initiative undertaken for Steemit School where @d-pend will be hosting a daily poetry show at 7 PM GMT - Advanced Group.
header photo base is public commons@isleofwrite logo design by @PegasusPhysics
You are quite a mastermind when it comes to structuring your poems. It's really well written and structured; and there is the typical rhythmic feel to it, even though it is unique from your other pieces.
I enjoyed the imagery, especially when it is a ping-pong like motion between something macabre to something innocent and something macabre yet again; as if it is ordinary and expected.
When I was mapping how I was going to approach this one, getting that feeling of unease offset by the nostalgic memories I have was so important to me, because the message of innocence lost was really a passive part of most of these experiences that I didn't recognize till later in my life.
Thank you so much for the read and kind words, my friend, always means much and more.
when will you be coming to poetry class poke poke ? love to see you there ...
BTW, "Cis" is not an acronym. It's a prefix.
As for the piece. I started thinking you're splitting only the verbs. Cutting off the string of verbs and the feeling of forward movement they give by cutting them up, chopping them, splitting them up. Dividing. Choppy, bumpy. Fast-flowing but bumpy.
And then I saw it weren't so.
You know? I think this piece is more than strong enough to not need this device. I can see the use of it to protect yourself, young Alain, from staring at what you wrote and shared, too clearly. If separating the stains from the hands.
I think your words stand strong enough on their own. Do not add when it is not necessary. Flourishes are for when you are not sure your message is strong enough. And it is.
I do like the repetition of "soiled." If I had to pick a theme for the piece, that would be what it is. "Soiled." Dirtied, by others. Dirtied, to hide the tears. Dirtied, to make the tear-tracks clear as they try to wash the soil away.
Hit me up if you decide to edit this piece. I do feel it can be made tighter, even harder-hitting. Though yes, I know it might hurt.
splitting the verbs was the original intent, and then it became what it became; through your eyes, I can see now: a crutch. Initial intention, mired with lack of execution.
You might be right, my friend. This is all something I've come to terms with and printed on my identity, but rarely if ever printed on paper - spelling it out is possibly more terrifying than writing - maybe it feels more permanent?
Yeah another that could very well use some rounds of edits, and also a piece I am very happy to have written. Will be happier when it finds itself - for a piece like this, harder hitting would be not only the preferred, it would be the appropriate.
Thank you, Guy!
"The only thing scarier than not being understood is being understood" might be a cute play on Wilde's quote, and it might be in bad taste to quote myself, but I've found this to be so true.
When I comment on people's poetry and they tell me I see right to their core, I shuffle my feet. It's not just the uncomfortable position of being praised, or even knowing I hold tools to hurt another, but knowing it is also an accusation.
So it is scary to reveal yourself. We live life, and while we're constantly told that sharing of ourselves is fine and lauded, what we're shown is that we'll be punished. We'll be hurt. So hurt, for doing so.
And there's a difference between letting people read between the lines, cocooned in plausible deniability, and stating it for all to see. One is much more open. Much more fraught. Like when I wrote of my depression.
As for the crutches - that is how we learn to walk. The only question is whether we're eventually willing to abandon them. I suspect you'll rely on crutches a bit more during this challenge, because editing is how we sometimes take them off, and because of the time pressure. The question is whether you'll rely on them less than you had before by the time this journey ends.
And again, I'd be glad to help you edit.
Thank you for showing a personal side with your poem today.
This made me smile too.......wouldn't it be nice if we just had a be nice to ALL people day(s)
and yes, getting picked on as a kid in school sucks.....and before you even went to school........
but it happened in your life and now you can use it for good as you really know how it feels.....
at least I try to....
Thank you for the read, @snook; and I think the world needs more of recycling of experiences to learn and grow, just like you said. I want to find good in all of my world, that's why I am grateful for every experience, no matter what it was, that led me to today.
Love the black hearts that are now "you" in my mind when I see them.
and yes, my friend, I think we both did something right in our lives to see beyond the outside to what truly matters in the end. hugs
I enjoyed your poem. Your use of word enjambment was effective and original. I also enjoyed your write-up at the bottom. I am feminist who rather enjoys and respects the company of men. I do not see it as an us and them scenario, rather better living and choices made available for all. I do not understand why just about everyone doesn't consider themselves a feminist. But then the terms has been rather maligned and riddled with stereotypes. I like to release two poems a day while we are in contest mode. The first one brand-spanking new and the other from the vaults. I have a poem called Spider ... I will post it later today:)
Everyday should be everyone day, says I:)
That part got a bitter laugh out of me. The rest is just plain sad. Thank you for having enough empathy and courage to stick up for a spider. I'm sorry for the rest. Bullies suck. I never got beat up physically, but kids at school loved to make me cry, and the psychological repercussions of feeling alone and unwanted took a good deal of time to overcome.
((hugs)) to you, and ripples of
((( (( ( peace ) )) )))
I don't even know how to thank you for this sweetness. All I can say is thank you for being you, for being here, for seeing me (truly), and for caring as much as you do. Much love!
Hey! Really cool piece... I find it very intriguing.. I am curious as to why it's structured the way it is... with words cut up into different lines... I love it.. but I've just never seen that done before! So I'm curious as the artist as to what the motive was behind displaying it like that.
Great work as always... a pleasure to be getting to know you and your work through this challenge!
With Love
Hart Floe Poet
<3
I agree, this is so different from your style, but it is so authentic, so real as it reveals an unknown side of you, that of a brave little boy who stood up for what he believed.
I'm not sure brave, I remember being scared, but moreso just overwhelmingly sad. I couldn't cry because boys aren't supposed to cry, but I've cried a lot since then for every spider I couldn't do anything to save and for not crying then when boys weren't supposed to cry.
What a great idea. Nice poetry.
I upvote for you and followed you. So, please give feedback at my poetry on day 2 of challenge https://steemit.com/poetry/@anggreklestari/i-need-fantasy-day-2-100-days-of-poetry-challenge
First of all congratulations the beautiful Soul @carmalain7 for winning the contest of previous day ;)
Thanks a lot for the to day's wonderful poem <3
many thanks, @salmanbukhari54, honored my friend.
Awesome. ... i wanna congratulate you on your success for Day one.. keep it up friend. . I should learn the way you structure your poem 😊 .nice peice
Thank you so much @icequeenlove, I would just say that I try to be conscious in every thing I write what message the structure may be sending and making sure that this message lines up with the message I want the words to send too.
hopefully, all things with purpose - thank you for the kind words.
Thanks and you are very welcome. .
Unique style you have there.
Congratulations for coming out tops yesterday.
Thank you, Ben, honored, good sir.
I like it when you close the poem. " I’m not
cold." Greetings. And congratulations for being the winner of the first day.
closings are so important to me - sometimes they are easy, and sometimes I labor over them for days and days. Thank you so much for the read, @corderosiete, and many congratulations to you, too, good sir.
I found your choice of structure interesting. Like words trying to hide, which is fitting for the subject matter. Flows so smoothly, which is something I've noticed you do so well.
I'm just lucky to have readers who take the time to see the meaning behind the little things; speaking of, honored by the read, good sir, thank you!
Nice curve ball here! The structure feels edible, if that makes sense? It's so pretty and intricate yet simple, yet not. Cleaver and fun, and of course a shadow lurks. A real gem.
thank you thank you, I think that's mostly due to the language. I took a page from some different writers (including a few of Guy's works, actually) to try and create the complex but building with only the simple. It wears me out. ^_^
Wow like always an intriguing piece.
Well structured too. I've learned and I'm still learning a lot from you
That is so beautiful!!
thank you so much, honored,
I love it! I'm going to have to keep up with your 100 post thingy.
My favorite line was "violence with a side of fries." That's open to wide interpretation, and I dig it! I was thinking veganism but, hey, those fries need a grain of salt too :P
or two - thank you for the reads and comments, my friend. Some are going to be more put together than others, as is the nature of such things, but really challenging myself with this in relation to how long form my composition process is, so I'm looking forward to seeing what breaks first, haha.
All the best, Caleb! (also, ping me any poems you write - I'm shite at keeping up with my feed these days with the 100-day challenge dominating my time & don't want to miss anything)
I think the coolest part of you doing this challenge is that you can find neat lines like that and then, if you wanted, expound on those thoughts and make some really solid, portfolio-quality stuff!
And I reckon I'll have to 'ping' you whenever I get some poetry out. It's been a hot minute since I've posted any poems though :P
Thank you for trying to save the spiders