The endless, long hot summer night
Full moon crawling across the sky
The whisper of a breeze in the dark leaving
the temperature hotter than before
and the room stifling
And sleep?
Sheets kicked off in disarray.
The overhead fan clicking in complex time signatures
Like a train on a track but missing a beat
Every four every three but with a buzz to complete
the full circuit
And round and round again.
Buzz CLICK CLICK CLICK
Buzzz
Slant the shades to catch the slight touch of wind
as it passes
Open the door to the deck and the night
So the possums big eyes can witness the droplets shrink and dry
the water from the shower - not hot not cold - now but memory
Buzz CLICK CLICK
Buzzz CLICK
Buzz
And finally
Sleep.
wow
Such an heart touching poetry <3 nice work
Nice work.
I love this stanza:
Slant the shades to catch the slight touch of wind
as it passes
Open the door to the deck and the night
So the possums big eyes can witness the droplets shrink and dry
the water from the shower - not hot not cold - now but memory
You can also check my poem here https://steemit.com/poetry/@joebest/e-x-i-t
I thought the last three lines you quoted were the weakest part. I'm genuinely interested in what you loved about them. Maybe I missed something!
Good post
Poem of great beauty, descriptive, intimate, recalls the style of Soledades, because the feelings about loneliness, time and death are universal feelings, felt by the poet and that move and excite us for being universal feelings. The austere expression, some very evocative symbols and especially the adjective that suggests loneliness, transience or death.
wow amazing moon sir & nice photography
Beautiful poem
Your post remind me some old memories that was the best moments of my entire life good post thanks for remind me my sweet memories
So much frustration and discomfort. Just turn the damn aircon on! Lol!!
Nice post, I love the poem. Slant the shades to catch the slight touch of wind as it passes. Love this line.
Me too! Such excellent imagery
Thanks for the moon light tales.
Nice Poem + Great Photo = Awesome Post!
Love this
The influence power and enchanting beauty of nature
Truly inspiring.......
Very nicely written :)
Felt the words move there. Loved it.
Nice poetry :)
Can your check my poetry ?
https://steemit.com/busy/@mm-dw/poetry-goddes
Hope your like.
Thanks.
Lol....i like how you just described my struggles of falling asleep
Nice work buddy
Terrific ... thank you ...
This is amazing. I am inspired to share some of my narrative poetry. I have challenged myself to write a digital book and I think steemit has gifted me a platform to share from my book. Thanks friend for this post.
Lovely. Poetry continues to stand out among all genres of writing.. Check out this poem of mine
https://steemit.com/poem/@reservedsingle/these-hearts-of-ours
saludos. estas lineas siento que describen un momento de angustia tras una larga noche. "El susurro de una brisa en la oscuridad deja
la temperatura más caliente que antes y la sala sofocante" gracias.
te invito a leer mis poemas en mi blog . con atención seguiré los tuyos
@drwom Thank you for sharing this lovely maddening poem. I felt like I experienced the same similar frustration at night when trying to sleep in summer; or in humidity, or on vacation where the air conditioning didn't work. Or when I was a kid and my parents wouldn't spring for the AC.
I found so many relatable pleasing images in your work I wanted to share this brief explication with all the affectionate hope that you find some value in it.
The opening of this poem is profoundly resonant with me. I feel like the "endless, long hot summer night[s]" are such a thing of memory and the past but I feel like I've suffered through them too. The speaker captured the feeling how it just drags on without end. Funny how in summer, the nights are actually the shortest of the year. Interesting irony there.
The lines, "whisper of a breeze [...] hotter than before" was so wonderful. I felt like the wind was like an unwelcome lover in bed with you, their hot breath not contributing to you coolness, but making the whole experience more sweaty and hot. Like when you're already overheated and someone breaths hot on your ear. It is awful! The included line, "the room stifling" was just delightful. Yes, no motion, very little "whisper" breeze as well as nothing. No movement but the oppressive heat. I can taste the frustration.
Then, the speaker amplified that irritability of not being able to sleep in such humid, terrible conditions: "sheets kicked off in disarray." Ahh! What a wonderful image! YES! I'm totally on board, excited to see what happens next. THe speaker has created so many images with emotion dripping from them.
The lines from "The overhead fan clicking" through "slant the shades to catch the slight touch of wind as it passes" is divine. Just beautiful organization, use of language to hone in on a background noise that might be more irritating and frustrating in the sleepless overheated moment. I like it all.
But then I get lost. There are three lines about the "open [...] door," to the memory of a shower that I just do not understand. I'm totally confused by these parts, and the images get obscure and abstract. There is a possum which I assume is outside once the speaker goes on the deck? When did they take a shower? Why?
Suddenly we're back in the bedroom with the off-kilter fan beating an arrhythmic beat. Huh? I was so confused with this. Perhaps cut it out entirely (Open the door through - now but memory) or replace it with something solidly in the bedroom.
I love the ending, but with the immediate portion above it seemed abrupt and jarring. I thinik fix those last few lines and you've got a masterwork poem here.
Well done with such vibrant and wonderful images. I can't express how pleasing they are and how excited I am to see what you do with that last "the deck and the night" part in future revisions.
Really nice read :D
Really like this :) The sensations described puts you in that place and time; with all the humidity to be felt by the reader.
nothing star see in the picture. overall nice
wooow!! amazing.. ",