@drwom Thank you for sharing this lovely maddening poem. I felt like I experienced the same similar frustration at night when trying to sleep in summer; or in humidity, or on vacation where the air conditioning didn't work. Or when I was a kid and my parents wouldn't spring for the AC.
I found so many relatable pleasing images in your work I wanted to share this brief explication with all the affectionate hope that you find some value in it.
The opening of this poem is profoundly resonant with me. I feel like the "endless, long hot summer night[s]" are such a thing of memory and the past but I feel like I've suffered through them too. The speaker captured the feeling how it just drags on without end. Funny how in summer, the nights are actually the shortest of the year. Interesting irony there.
The lines, "whisper of a breeze [...] hotter than before" was so wonderful. I felt like the wind was like an unwelcome lover in bed with you, their hot breath not contributing to you coolness, but making the whole experience more sweaty and hot. Like when you're already overheated and someone breaths hot on your ear. It is awful! The included line, "the room stifling" was just delightful. Yes, no motion, very little "whisper" breeze as well as nothing. No movement but the oppressive heat. I can taste the frustration.
Then, the speaker amplified that irritability of not being able to sleep in such humid, terrible conditions: "sheets kicked off in disarray." Ahh! What a wonderful image! YES! I'm totally on board, excited to see what happens next. THe speaker has created so many images with emotion dripping from them.
The lines from "The overhead fan clicking" through "slant the shades to catch the slight touch of wind as it passes" is divine. Just beautiful organization, use of language to hone in on a background noise that might be more irritating and frustrating in the sleepless overheated moment. I like it all.
But then I get lost. There are three lines about the "open [...] door," to the memory of a shower that I just do not understand. I'm totally confused by these parts, and the images get obscure and abstract. There is a possum which I assume is outside once the speaker goes on the deck? When did they take a shower? Why?
Suddenly we're back in the bedroom with the off-kilter fan beating an arrhythmic beat. Huh? I was so confused with this. Perhaps cut it out entirely (Open the door through - now but memory) or replace it with something solidly in the bedroom.
I love the ending, but with the immediate portion above it seemed abrupt and jarring. I thinik fix those last few lines and you've got a masterwork poem here.
Well done with such vibrant and wonderful images. I can't express how pleasing they are and how excited I am to see what you do with that last "the deck and the night" part in future revisions.