Hello @surfermarly! I could relate to that feeling. I'm also like that sometimes, I put too much effort and focus with what I don't have rather than appreciating and being grateful of what I have. I've miss out so much in my life but knowing that I'm breathing and my heart is still beating now for all the ones I care and who also cares about me is definitely something that I should be grateful for.
Get well soon @surfermarly!!! =)