"Don't be so Judgmental!"
It is one of those things we may hear from time to time, and it may even be something we say to others, ourselves.
Daffodils
These days, there even seems to be growing societal pressure towards "not having an opinion about ANYthing, lest it be interpreted as judgmental." It's that whole "Political Correctness" thing.
There's no doubt that as soon as we start talking about a "they" who is apart from "us" we are making a judgment of sorts. And when we start using words like "should" when talking about "them" we are making judgments.
But are simple factual observations actually judgments?
And then There's Discernment
Some would argue that "discernment" is merely a fancy intellectual word for "judgment," but is it really?
Apple and blue sky
Is this ever-tightening circle of being so incredibly open-minded really doing anyone any favors? Certainly, some social mindfulness is an appropriate and good thing... but I always end up thinking of that old truism: "Be open-minded, but not SO open-minded that your brains fall out!"
But let's look at discernment again.
Being discerning merely means that you hold preferences, and stand true to your own values... but do so without making any requirements of others that they should necessarily (a) agree with those values and (b) feel pressured to adopt those values.
I raise this as a concern simply because we live in a world where merely standing by your beliefs increasingly seems to get you labeled as a "judgmental bigot."
A world in which a statement like "Well, I am not personally in agreement with that, but to each their own" could be regarded as... evil, somehow.
Are We All Becoming Mindless Idiots?
Our daughter (26) is visiting this weekend. She's an early riser, so we were sitting out on the back porch having coffee and talking about life.
Nasturtium in the wild...
Among the topics raised were this whole issue of being seen as "judgmental," simply because you hold an opinion about something, along with the issues of ignorance, "magical" thinking and willful stupidity.
The conversation arose because of a specific situation in which she had been called a "Judgmental Cee-U-Next-Tuesday" for expressing her disgust with someone who (a) refused to acknowledge that a (potentially dangerous) problem actually IS a problem (aka "magical thinking"), leading to (b) consequences affecting many people, which they then refused to accept as having anything to do with them (aka "willful ignorance") leading to (c) extensive whining and hand wringing over how "unfair" life is, and how they were bring "judged."
I empathized greatly with her... and we worked through some possibilities.
The whole conversation made me feel like a strange relic because I do — to a great extent — inhabit a reality where "cause ==> effect," rather than this growing trend that feels more like "I get to do whatever I want, and the outcome has to be what I want in my imagination, not what reality dictates in this situation... and if something goes wrong, NOBODY gets to say anything!"
New Age Healing, Self-Help and all that Good Stuff
Of course, I am quite familiar with the whole "Magical Thinking" approach to life, as Mrs. Denmarkguy and I have both been part of the "alternative" healing, metaphysics and spiritual field for 30+ years.
Honeysuckle
But that's really not a "free pass" to lose touch with what is real.
See that simple 12-word sentence? In some contexts, that could be seen as both judgmental and intolerant, simply on account of my not embracing something I don't happen to believe in.
Of course, I recognize that I am merely offering my perspective and perceptions on a situation, based on my own set of experiences.
These perceptions — and observations of the reality I experience unfolding around me — tell me that so much of all this "political correctness" and "open-mindedness" is little more than a thinly veiled smoke screen around a deeper desire by many people to abdicate personal accountability for having their opinions. If we "make everything OK," I never have to deal with the pain of being disagreed with...
But the New Age people are merely a tiny part of the population.
The Strange Case of Donald Trump
It's no secret that a LOT of people have a profound dislike of Donald Trump.
Spring Rhododendron
However — once we get past the pervasive cloud of partisan political bullshit — I have a feeling that far more people are offended by Trump's delivery of his message, than the content of it.
I'd even venture that he makes zero headway with the "liberal" end of the spectrum mostly because he has the social graces of a rhinoceros trapped in a hall of mirrors. It's actually kind of funny, because quite a few of my right-wing friends agree that the guy is a social buffoon, even while cheering him on.
Which leads me to consider the fact that President Trump is "possible" — at least in part — in today's world (which often takes some pride in being "evolved" and "civilized") because many have grown disgusted with not being able to have an opinion lest they be labeled "judgmental bigots."
Although Donald Trump has zero "filters," many cheer him on because he serves as a sort of proxy for their own lost opinions.
How Did We GET Here?
The more I think about it, the more it feels like we can lay a good bit of the blame at the foot of social media. In fact, we might even call it "The Facebook Effect."
A small weed... with pretty purple flowers
Let's consider this: What do we see on Facebook (I'm using Facebook as a metaphor for most social media)?
We see a few extremely outspoken people ("trolls?") who say whatever they want, whenever they want — regardless of whether it's situationally appropriate — and could care less what anyone else thinks. And, in fact, they often bully and/or ignore those who disagree with them, frequently dismissing them as "idiots."
That's what we notice. But what about the vast majority of users?
If you think about it, most people say "nice" things and share kitten/baby pictures that will get them some likes, while a large number of people live in constant fear of being "unfriended" as a result of something they shared or posted in a comment.
The daughter and I talked a bit about this.
She admitted that she has occasionally felt "hurt" — to the point of almost having an emotional meltdown — when someone unfriended her.
Are You Being SERIOUS???
At 26, our daughter is an Internet "native."
She has never known a world in which there was not an Internet, and so has never known a world in which the attendant "netiquette" wasn't part of her reality.
Blooming salmonberry
It also means she has never been part of a world in which a significant part of the population didn't derive at least a portion of their self-identity from their "public persona."
Yes, I know, people have always had a "public" and "private" self, but it's only in the past 20-odd years that our "public selves" were out there in the world, for daily public consumption. Along with that, the effort to keep that public image "polished" and presented a certain way.
Truthfully, it began with MySpace in 2003. MySpace appealed to the 13-21 age group; the age at which we — as humans — are busy trying to establish our personal identity. And because we often have fragile self-esteem during that part of our lives, early days of MySpace heavily revolved around "accumulating friends." Your "worth" was deeply invested in your friends count... and building it depended materially on being nice/cute/sweet/funny... and NOT saying controversial things that might upset people and cause them to UN-friend you.
See where I am going with this?
If you were "all inclusive," you'd build your friends list faster... which meant not saying anything that could be construed as "mean."
If you were 13-21 in 2003, that makes you 28-36 today... a pretty close match for the young political activist and Social Justice Warrior of 2018.
Closing the Circle
As a student of the Human Condition, I tend to be more interested in WHY people do what they do than WHAT they actually do. And why they follow the trends they do.
Calendula by the fence
In simple terms, I wonder if the "wishy-washyness" of so many people is simply related to their fear of being unfriended.
Our lives have become so "public." It used to be that if you had a fight with your neighbor over politics, you went home, drank some beers, made good a week later and life goes on. And nobody was the wiser. Now? You get PUBLICLY unfriended and it's a big deal and "everybody" knows about it. On some level, we admire the Trumps of the world, but we don't want to BE them, because we don't want to stand in the crossfire.
So we accept more things, without question. We stick our heads in the sand. We abdicate our opinions. We practice willful ignorance. And life gets run by extremists.
Yes, these are broad sweeping generalizations, but it's still something to think about.
What do YOU think? How do you see the "mood" of the world changing? Are people m ore afraid to have opinions? Do you thunk that "abdicating our opinions" means the world is more likely to be run by outspoken extremists? Do you think the "Facebook Effect" is a real thing, influencing people? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
created by @zord189(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 180407 14:49 PDT
I don't think I've seen it so elegantly put, that was rather spot on it's just I don't think people quite know how to put it as well as you did.
I've often have wondered where open dialogue has gone, my ninety five year old aunt hasn't talked to me since the election. We've always been able to sit and have open discussions on any range of subjects, I guess the old adage of "this too will pass" doesn't cut it these days. I think you bring up a interesting point that this is where social media and main stream media has taken us. It's all so critical and in the now because it's everywhere and everyone saying the same thing so it must be true, but like you said is it really true or is it really the likability factor that keeps people from expressing a different opinion.
I think a lot of problems with most discussions now days is because people don't take the time to express a opposing opinion in a well mannered structure way that doesn't insult or make the other person's opinion seem irreverent. I think it's very important to structure discussions in a fashion that leads more to a conclusion of, though maybe not stated in all cases, we will have to agree to disagree or disagree to agree which is more likely to prompt us all to come back on another day to see if we can find common ground on other matters.
the existence of social networks has led us to empower our judgments, the most pitiful of this is that on many occasions those who boldly give opinions on a specific issue have no knowledge about it but a large audience
I can certainly see a lot of people I know muting their opinions due to fear of being labeled or unfriended. However, I see another segment of my family that is very outspoken on their political beliefs, almost to the point that they want to cause controversy and drama. Interesting times we live in.
Also, @denmarkguy I’d love to get your thoughts on the gun debate that’s been going on, if you’d like to share. Your critical thinking and how you think skills are top notch IMHO.
I definitely see the mood and actions changing and not for the better I must say which is very sad.
And just like you said about your daughter and fb is influencing people and they are afraid of having their opinion because they are afraid of what other people will think and they don't want to be different.
FB makes people sad when someone disfriends them or doesn't reply or doesn't agree with them and they take it personally and think that there is something wrong with them, which is very sad but that is what social media does to people.
Most people hardly air their opinion due to various misquotes. One can easily pick up a post and mislead others about on facebook and at the end, A lot of people hating you for a statement that means no harm
This post was so judgmental ! I'm offended !
Joking aside, you made some interesting points. I think a lot of people are confounding judgment and opinion. You can have your own perspective without judging people who have another.
Secondly, I think the Thought Police has never been so proud of Facebook, bringing self-censorship to new highs ! Some people mute their opinions (a minority), others are not even capable of having any (if you exclude the fact that copying someone else's opinion can be classified as having an opinion - that's the majority), and there's still a few who speak their minds, even if they're not the brightest.
We've been well-mannered (or should I say programmed) : incapable of thinking by ourselves, we're copying other's opinions and use them to judge people who aren't behaving as expected.
A.k.a. The mandatory way of thinking : repeat what you've been taught, don't have genuine thought or else you'll be banished from our nice little group providing you each day with a dose of silly and debilitating cuteness : kittens and babies.
the only thing that I'm aware of that is not discriminatory, that has NO discernment,
is a trash can. (or a dumpster..... industrial grade)
It's no secret that a LOT of people have a profound dislike of Donald Trump.
Oddly enough his approval rating is 51% and rising.
if you believe the polls...and I don't. They've shown themselves to be VERY biased...against him.
If a fair poll were taken...his approval rating would be MUCH higher. Very much so.
It's one of those things that needs some balance. People seem to go to one extreme or the other. I have my opinions, but I try to stay open enough to accept that others do too as they are just as valid as mine or anyone else's. Often opinions will depend on circumstance. Something that might be morally unjust to me might be fine for someone who lives in a more dangerous situation.
As small communities the chances are we would all have the same values. However, internet puts us in touch with the whole world and we're not used to having people disagree with us. A flippant remark about Americans all being dumb comes from an outsider because they don't comprehend their differences in culture. I was reading an argument between an Irishman and an American and the American actually had more decorum and didn't rise to the insults being thrown at him and his culture by the Irishman.
So could we use more practise at keeping some opinions to ourselves? Absolutely! However, I think we could also use more practise at not taking insult from everything too. Either that, or go back to small communities.
I laugh and cringe at hearing that dismissive and deflective denial and defense (the 4 D's, lol). Judgment is life. Everything gets judged. New Age pseudo-spiritual shite needs to get real.
Another stupid thing is "if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all." Really? Fuck off! :P As if I can't tell you something that shows you how wrong you are, as if no one has the right to criticize any else... please... weak egos who need to protect themselves from any exposition of incorrectness, just magical thinking and positivity masks.
LOL. He's blunt and says what he thinks, that's one reason people like him. And yeah, they were tired of the bullshit posers, Trump gave them more 'real' talk that was more appealing.
The toxicity of the current political environment is shocking. I honestly do not give a crap about being unfriended on Facebook, I only joined a couple years ago, have kept my “friends” to a minimum (on purpose) and I am of the X generation therefore grew up without social media. I do remember, however, how stressful Facebook became in 2016 and I see how propaganda (I think most of us are victims of it) polarized many of us. Both myself and my significant other were Bernie supporters, but I voted for the Democratic candidate and my paramour voted for the Green party candidate. Even though we both, in large part, share the same views, who we voted for continues to be a source of tension between us.
I find myself angrier, having less faith in the goodness of humanity, am less empathetic, and much MUCH more intolerant of those who I feel are adding to the toxicity of our current environment. Truth be told, I honestly do not like where my mind goes sometimes…. I have discovered a part of myself that partly scares me because I see what I could be capable of doing under certain circumstances. Hopefully Michelle Obama is right and this too shall pass.
Trump is actually what America needed after Obama reign, A slap in face. That slap is for Americans to wake up and understand the damage that foreign intervention has caused in their own country. Their interests in destabilising regions and putting all their resources towards that goal has procured this growing sentiment that the leader of the country is too busy to care about his own people.
Trump is carefully appealing to that part of the public that feels like this and other right wing extremists. The whole world never really did like America What’s been doing this past few decades and creating an arms race. Trump has just taken the curtains off what America truly is all about.
I think nowadays people are too blantant with their opinion. There is less fear in what is being said, which can be very damaging. Because people are being offended by most of it, we have a day and age where freedom of speech literally allows anyone to say anything, as long as they are human beings. But that freedom comes with a price, because there is so much chaos and offence on both sides.
I think the 'mood of the world' is indeed changing and very much so in a controlled and planned manner. The very form internet living has taken coupled with the now ability for everyone from toddler to granny to have a screen/device always at the ready giving them their opinions and offering them up 'offers' based on tracking their patterns, both physically in the world as well as digitally, is an amazing tool to hone and curate a world view. We live in a time that is increasingly formulated by a series of clicks and flashing images.
It can seem a scary time.
I always find it funny that those who cry bullying and not open-mindedness will then quite easily decry and digitally stone others who do not follow their own line of thinking not seeing the hypocrisy in that or understanding the action is the same as that which they claim to abhor.
Yet, people, the human animal, has always had this button and it has always been pressed by the few in power. It simply manifests itself differently today, but twitter hate is really just throwing that stone in the public square glad that it isn't you up there on the pyre.
Interesting to really think about.
I could only imagine a World where everyone thought they didn't have to have any Filters like Trump. But the biggest thing for me is the fact that the Right Wingers and Trump have manipulated the views of the Wotld on Freedom of Press.
To label everything as #fakenews just because it is negative news about "your guy" is really kind of scary if you think about it. KInd of like people in N. Korea defending "our dear leader".
Now if these Right Wingers would say that they wish Trump could get a fair , more balanced" reporting of the News....well I think that would be accurate.
But there accusations of #fakenews ( when it's just negative news) is more or less an attack on Democracy and more specifically trying to 'silence' Freedom pf Press. This is a very dangerous slope, imho :(
I am also a little uncomfortable at the thought of a generation who doesn’t know life without the concept of themselves as a product, which is the essential idea that social media nurtures. We want the product to be polished and presentable so it becomes a successful product. Social pressure is amplified because to avoid commodifying yourself basically destroys your social life.
It’s a different angle to this but Last week I suggested a casual gathering in a message between a few friends who happen to be around 5 years younger than I am. Before I knew it they were discussing how to advertise the event....it just came naturally to them to try to market an innocent little get together....