"The Pursuit of Happiness" seems to be an important part of most people's lives.
We talk an awful lot about "wanting to be happy," and we read books about finding happiness and there's even a huge self-help industry based around helping people become happy.
You're About as Happy as You Decide to Be
That's basically paraphrasing a fairly famous quote, often attributed to Abraham Lincoln, but nobody really knows where it came from.
Which direction to happiness?
But is it true?
Maybe so, but I have reservations. I believe that what we can do is make a conscious choice in terms of where we place our attention.
It's a fundamental truth of life that we tend to become UN-happy when bad things happen, and happy when good things happen. We don't have a lot of choice there, but we do have a choice in terms of where we place our attention.
On our way to work, someone might cut us off in traffic almost causing an accident which sucks... but then we sit at the light and some gorgeous girl/guy flashes us an awesome smile that makes our toes curl-- which one do we choose to focus on; which one do we allow to "define" our day?
Both happened, but we can give the majority of our attention to the good, or the bad.
But Why Am I not Happy?
Flowering Jacaranda tree
However, when we ask the question "Why am I not happy?" it usually concerns the greater story arc of our lives, not little day-to-day events. Sure, little events add up to a greater continuum, but there's more there.
Although many of us are reluctant to look at it, the answer is often remarkably simple:
"You're not happy because you're not doing the things that make you happy."
We tend to avoid looking at that very simple fact because when we do so, we also have to "own" the potential reality that we are responsible for choosing unhappiness.
"Oh, you're wrong!" we protest, "I'd never DO such a thing!"
And then we launch into a long series of excuses and rationalizations that's typically all about pinpointing some external "it" as the "true" cause of our unhappiness.
One Day, at the Therapist's Office
Back in my early 30s, I spent several years in therapy, trying to sort out my identity and wrestling with stages of depression.
The beach near Gibraltar
An uncomfortable question came up during one session, after I'd just finished a 15-minute monologue about how miserable life and all the people in it were.
My therapist looked at me earnestly and asked "And who would you BE, if you didn't have all these mooches and incompetents in your life to always take care of and bitterly complain about?"
A lengthy discussion ensued, but the ultimate point here was that we can very easily not only get STUCK in a rut of unhappiness, we actually can become semi-addicted to the feeling of "life is hard, and I am unhappy."
When we choose to be happy, we also have to become accountable for creating that happiness, and for making choices and doing things that make us happy... we don't get to just sit back complacently and complain!
Doing the Things that Make You Happy
So, are you doing the things that make you happy? And if not, why not? And are you even aware of what makes you happy?
Step through the portal to happiness!
On the surface, these may look like simple questions, and often our answers and protestations are wrapped in some fine packaging that includes the phrases "I can't just...." and "but I HAVE to..."
There are usually some threads of truth in our protests... but we often allow them to "own" our lives. If, for example, "doing something creative" makes you happy, why are you not doing something creative?
Let us also remember that "canned happiness" isn't necessarily true happiness. The world-- and especially our consumer-based societies-- tend to "sell" happiness as a commodity that has to be purchased and consumed... and we fall into a pattern of thinking "If only I had ____, I would be happy!" and yet that happiness never comes, even as we flit like bees from one "happiness acquisition" to another.
So when you look at the things that make you happy, you also need to take a long hard look at the part of the equation where you determine whether something is truly YOUR happiness, or merely a canned reflection of what society (or some marketer) wants you to believe makes you happy.
So... are you ready to make 2018 the year where you Choose Happiness?
How about YOU? Do you consider yourself largely happy? Are you doing the things that make you happy? In life, in general, do you give most of your daily attention to positive or negative things? Do you enjoy complaining about what's wrong? No judgment there-- after all, a good "bitch session" can be very comforting! Or do you enjoy celebrating good things? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
created by @zord189(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 180103 13:16 PST
You know something I chase money so much in my life thinking it will make me happy and I lost the meaning to life and when I finally got the money , I don’t feel anything . Like my hearts numb from chasing something like this . We should live our life and enjoy the little moments
I would say one of the things I have learned with age is that "having" something rarely makes anyone happy. There's an old saying that "the best things in life aren't THINGS" and there's a lot of truth there. But sometimes we forget to stop and ask ourselves what we truly want; what truly makes us happy: the smiles of our children, the taste of a particularly ripe apple, a sunset, the way we feel when our dog wags her tail.
Hmm, I have different feelings about this one.
I haven't made up my mind completely, but I don't think happiness should be a goal, or even a measurement of anything. Happiness is a side-effect which you have little or no control over.
Aim for value, something that is important to you. (Like caring for someone, writing a book, etc...). If you do that, you can carry any suffering that comes to you.
At least, that's what I recently read in Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning. He survived concentration camps and after being released continued his work as a psychotherapist, using his experience that focussing on value instead of happiness/justice, is what makes people survive.
So, I agree with many of the things you write, but the sentiment of 'choosing your happiness' is something I don't share. Or perhaps I misunderstood you?
It's ironic how often this search for "happiness" turns out to be clutter that actually keeps us from finding the very thing we're looking for.
I think a lot of people-- as you hint at-- find happiness as a side effect of being engaged in something they have a passion for; something that gives their life purpose and meaning. Although it has moments of frustration and even anger, my wife finds happiness in "helping people" through being a counselor, life coach and minister.
When I speak of "choosing happiness" I suppose am am really more oriented towards making positive choices; having a positive focus. When it rains, do we become grumpy because we get wet when we go outside, or do we choose to be grateful because rain brings life and makes things green? I've found that an orientation towards positivity often can become a foundation for happiness...
Someone once told me that when you start out having a bad day you should wear nicer and brighter clothes than you usually do. It makes a difference in how you see yourself and in how others treat you. It makes your day better (of course you have to be willing to be happy too).
It made me realize that it can be a chore, uncomfortable, and inconvenient to make positive choices but those things that you don't want to do can put you on the right road for the things you really want. Being happy in the long-term can be really annoying at the current time .
great information so happiness' is something .
Very good post, and you are absolutely to the point on many aspects. And thanks for sharing your story.
I've been through the same phases earlier in life, and the interesting thing is that I found out that I've always looked for "contidional happiness" like, "This have to be like that before I can be happy", or "If I'd look like that I'll be more happy" and at the same time "doint the things I love" to become happy in the conditional aspect. That's a discovery that has totally changed around my perspective of happiness, and closing the void between how things really are to what I thought it should have been. It should be just as it is, and from there I can find the happiness throuth the interaction of the two. Hence, I accept what it is right now and will move forward towards whatever it is leading me to. At least that's how I've wiped out most of my unhappy days, and looking into my days just as they are and looking for the good in everything. You'll find what you search for, make sure it's searching for the right thing. :-)
Thanks for sharing your post, I really enjoyed it.
Perhaps what happens when we put out something specific as the "thing" we need in order to become happy, we blind ourselves to everything around us already that has the potential to make us happy.
One of the things I learned about myself is that doing creative things (writing, art, building things) makes me happy, and that "problem solving" makes me happy... and so I try to guide myself in the direction of activities along those lines. And so far, that has worked pretty well.
A think a practice of gratitude is also important... when we feel thankful for the good things, we focus less on the unfortunate things that come along.
I guess the pursuit of happiness tends to make people, well, unhappy. Because we often set unrealistic expectations and goals which ultimately makes us feel miserable when we don't achieve them. Rather than constantly seek to achieve seemingly unachievable goals, perhaps, it will be better to just take life as it comes. There are many things we cannot control despite our very best efforts.
Maybe by stop trying to be happy can we be able to achieve real happiness. :D
Agreed, we often set unrealistic expectations... and half the time we don't KNOW what makes us happy. We see advertisements and movies with happy people on a yacht... and we presume that we "will be happy" if we get a yacht. But those are not our visions... just the visions of an ad campaign...
We often have what we need to be happy right here, but we're just not aware of it.
As long as we cannot see/feel that little things means a lot, it will be hard to find happines.
Feel happy is often due to little things, follow that what brings a smile on your face.
It's always important to pay attention to the little things... and to remember to be grateful when something good happens.
We will totally happy, whan we will realize that not money produce happynes. :)
Money may give us a temporary sense of security, but it is definitely not any guarantee that we will be happy.
well said..:)
Great Words to live by and i like those pictures..
Thank you!
Yeah it's good to do what makes one happy👍👍
Yes, and that begins with knowing what truly makes us happy.
Awesome! I choose happiness this year.
that's pretty cool to know, thanks for the tips..
psychology is a subject which gives people mental happiness.nice view.........so coool
if you just in love with somone you will be happy fosho xD
My study of Stoicism has led me to a life of contentment. Where ever I am in life, I seek to accept it and be content. I no longer chase "the next thing" as I find those that do are never happy. However, just because I do not chase becoming a better person does not mean I do not do my best at what I set out to do. It just means that the results no longer move my emotional level much.
In this way, contentment is my happiness.
Happiness is a freckled thing we endlessly squander in our pursuit of it. If only some people would stop they realize its right there looking back at them.
Happiness tends to be my attempt at drinking from a receding sea. I think there is a lot of wisdom in “become semi-addicted to the feeling of. . . unhappy.” There is often wonderful comfort in the known and explored feelings.
A lot of interesting questions. I definitely think there is more to happiness than simply deciding to be happy. It is something a lot of people struggle with, and Im not really sure why. Perhaps part of it is that the things society encourages people to want are not things that tend to bring the most happiness. In general, our lives are easier than those of our forefathers, but are we significantly happier? IDK.
@denmarkguy happiness is hard to come by