I liked this yesterday but didn't have time to comment. It was too good not to so here I am this morning, commenting!
First I want to thank you and tell you how humbling it is to see your willingness to be vulnerable !
My late husband had BPD and it was a real struggle to live with him to be honest. His method of trying to push me away was extreme outbursts of rage on a nearly daily basis. Then run out and by me something and promise never to do it again.
His therapist gave me a book to read to try to help me understand how this man who truly did love me could be so incredibly cruel! I remember the title "I Hate You Don't Leave Me". I can't say I remember much, if anything in the book now...he has been gone over 15 yrs. But at the time I read the book it made sense out of his behavior, which helped in the understanding of it, however not in the living with it.
He said he wanted to change and was trying to take steps to help himself when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He passed away less than 6 months after his diagnosis. I will never know if he would have succeeded or not. So it is a blessing to see that those who want help, want to change, truly can!
It may seem odd for a perfect stranger to tell you how happy they are for you but I honestly am! He knew his struggle was real, and I can imagine yours was as well. So knowing you are free from that, well at least mostly ;-) is incredible and I applaud you and wish you much happiness, peace and success in your life!