Hello friends, it is with great pride that I welcome you to another amazing episode of let's talk about it with @oluwatobiloba. Time runs very fast this days that sometimes one will just get amazed as to where we are running to, what more can we say than thank you to our creator for the gift of life and for sustenance.
Report From Last Week's Story.
Last week's episode was a very interesting one and a personal one as well, because it had to do with my very dear friend. I want to say a big thank you to everyone for assisting my friend, your words mean so much to me and I cannot thank you enough.
RELATIONSHIP QUESTION FOR THE WEEK.
Do you think there is any big deal in having a pet name for your lover?
I know of this lovers who have been together for two (2) years and they still call each other by their individual names and even saved each other's contact with their regular names, I also know of this other lovers who have a special name for each other.
I understand that it might just be an issue of individual difference but on the other hand, I really want to know if it just means that this first set of lovers do not really have a deep feeling for each other or if there is really no big deal about it.
The Gist for Today.
Today's gist is not really a direct one because someone came to ask me the question on behalf of her friend.
I will be writing using the lady's words for the sake of clarity.
Hi Tobi, my name is Kemi I got your contact from someone who asked me not to disclose his identity, I hope you don't mind but I really need your help on this issue.
My friend is married, her marriage is one I really envy and as a single lady I hope to get a good home like that of my friend one day.
Her marriage is over a year old now and she is doing very fine with her husband from the look of things. After their marriage, he asked her to quit her job which was very stressful with a promise to pay her twice the salary she received from work and my friend told me that her husband has been faithful to that part, she gets paid for taking care of her own home and her husband.
However, some months ago, her husband got a huge contract which took him out of town for about two months, my friend missed her husband so much but this is money we are talking about here, so she had to just look for ways to keep herself occupied.
Most times, she stays at my place, she even sleeps over on countless occasions just to have someone by her side in her husband's absence.
My friend happens to be a very pretty young lady who does not need a makeover to attract good looking and responsible men to herself. But, over the years I have known her to be a much disciplined young lady who will not flirt or try any funny games with another man asides her lover.
A very ugly event occurred about two a month ago and this has made my friend become someone who cries every day. When her husband returned from the journey, he was traced home by some gunmen who asked for the money he got from the contract, he told them he had no money on him as he had gone to deposit the money in bank.
After showing proofs of the fact that he could not even do a transfer, the gunmen asked him to choose between them killing him or having an affair with my beautiful friend in his presence.
In order to save her husband's life, she had to do the unthinkable with the gunmen and that was after series of pleas from her dear husband, after the leader enjoyed himself with her in her husband's presence, they left without hurting anyone or taking anything from the house.
The big issue now is that my friend's husband has been acting strange since the time the ugly incident occurred, he always ignores her and calls her names.
He even went as far as going to meet her family members to tell them that she is a slut and she gave in easily to sleep with the gun men since she is not new to the business and she has been involved with other men in his absence.
At a point, I had to go and speak with my friend's husband informing him about how my friend handles issues with the opposite sex and how principled she is, the young man walked me out of his house and called me names as well, he went further to say he knows that I have a bad influence on his wife and he does not want to ever see us together again.
I felt bad and insulted, but there was nothing I could do about it, so I simply walked out of his house.
MODERATORS REMARK.
Kemi had this to say to me this week, I was left speechless because it sounded like a home video, and now we have this happening in reality.
I am not experienced in marital issues because I am a single lady, but I know there are lovely individuals here who have a wonderful experience in handling relationship issues and that is why I always run here to have you help me in attending to friend's issues every week.
APPRECIATION.
I am forever grateful to ever supportive friends on this platform who have made it a point of duty to always come here and give me the support I need. May God bless your good heart, I wish I could repay you for the support, but I know there is going to be a reward for everything we do in life and I am certain that the rewarder of every good deeds will reward you. I love you so much.
P. S: This show is not for any selfish reason, it is one created out of love and passion to help lives.
Whatever we talk about will be confidential (if you want it to).
Please feel free to reach me on:
Mail: [email protected]
Thanks to @gbenga for distributing this badge to every Nigerian on Steemit.
Hello! I find your post valuable for the wafrica community! Thanks for the great post! @wafrica is now following you! ALWAYs follow @wafrica and use the wafrica tag!
There is no big deal at all as regards couples who call each other by their individual/first names. They are probably not the type to use nicknames generally. In fact, there is something evocative about hearing your lover say your name (#justmythoughts)
As per the young lady and her husband, I think they both need to see a marriage counselor or a therapist. What happened was not her fault but it seems her husband does not think so. He may feel she had a hand in the robber's visit or thinks they got the information to raid the house from her. It's obvious that he couldn't deal with watching another man sleep with his wife and was badly hurt. His lack of trust must have a root though, has she done anything to make him feel threatened sexually before? Or it could even be that he is projecting on her...if he is sleeping with other women whenever he is away from home, he is likely to project on her believing that she is doing the same. Ultimately, it boils down to the fact that their constant separation is not good for their marriage at all. It's alright if work separates a relatively old couple, but in a new marriage...its rather dangerous. They need to see a marriage therapist or counselor quickly.
You are awesome
you are amazing ma'am.
Thanks mama, your words are sweet and encouraging. Thank you so much.
This is very disheartening situation @oluwatobiloba, but I would start by commending the lady for that great step she took and I would not be bias because am a guy that doesn't mean, we should paid people who are our benefactor with evil.
If am in the position, where am being saved by my woman, ever since that day I would make sure she never had even a rethink of that all scenario that transpired that night again with the love and care that I would shower on her.
But we are quite different and our way of thinking is also quite
different, that why the way we handle matters sometimes are also different.
But to be sincere to the matter enough, the husband must first apologize to the lady for treating her badly after saving his life. Then they can now go for counseling after.
This is good too. That man need someone to readjust him. Does he think the woman enjoyed being humiliated like that?
I wonder oo
Thanks brother, I appreciate your consistency.
Relationship Question: The issue of couples calling each other name or pet name should be a mutual agreement between the two which will foster and solidify their relationship the more.
Hmm...
It's just an unfortunate situation. I agree totally with @mosunomotunde point. The man has the responsibility of protecting the woman but when this issue of life and death came in and the woman felt she could help out i think the man should just over look is ego, calm down and think of if the gunmen had gun him down. Eventually, someone else will have the canal knowledge of his wife after his demise.
This is the period the lady needs the man most and if the man refuses to be own up to his responsibility he might regret his action if the marriage eventually crumble.
My view
Nice
Alright bro, I sight you, thanks a lot for coming around.
The situation is so bad. I cant even imagine it. But the husband really is an ingrate. The woman may shut the man up by telling him not to worry until next time. Hahahaha. Besides, the woman should know the man didnt love her. Does he prefer to die and her as a widow? Besides that woman was carried away by much love for her husband, maybe she would have suggested the man gives them his ATM card with pin or sign them a cheque if he couldnt transfer. With this ill treatment, if the woman becomes pregnant, dont you think its going to be worse? I really dont like the situation. Like @mosunomotunde suggested, let them see a counsellor. That man need to be re-oriented.With due tespect to all men, some behave like monsters, really.
As for calling your love her real name or his own, it is not bad. If you dont like it, tell your partner. But for me, i love it. By now, many MAY not be calling your real name. At work , most colleagues call your surname, at home or in informal setting some call with your child's name. If if your spouse calls you by uour name, it makes it sweet especially if it brings back fond memories to him. Many may not want to call all these other ones that are common. For me, the name a husband calls his wife is not important. The love and happiness in the home is the most important
Well done my friend
oh, mama you are loved.
May God bless your good heart.
I am so sorry I was absent in your kitchen yesterday, the network over here is nothing to write home about, whenever I see an opportunity to drop a post, I jump at it and I even have to go extra miles for this weekly relationship show.
How have you been @oluwatobiloba?
RELATIONSHIP QUESTION FOR THE WEEK
I don't think there is anything wrong with lovers calling themselves by their names. As a matter of fact, calling each other by pet names do not necessarily mean your truly in love.
Relationships should be molded to suit those in the relationship rather than try to confirm to standards that the world has molded for us.
I am blessed brother, your presence means a lot. Thanks