I agree you have to re check your scale of preference and make some adjustments but i do not support wishes for death, i am not judging @doctorjohn. You are a good man here, and i believe you are the same in the real world, don't ever let any situation make you wish someone is dead.
I will put you in my prayers and yours too should be more money in other to take care of your needs. Please cheer up and be happy.
Cheeerrs! Amigos