Bro, only God can be your support, all of us sometimes fall in spirit, doubt, but the way continues...
I understand your condition and so I suggest you to read one very deep story, the author Herman Hesse, the book "the glass bead game" at the end of the book there are 3 biographies, find and read a biography called "the Confessor", there are many answers)
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downloading now, thank you friend
I recalibrate my base tension to a natural rhythm in nature such as the movement in the ocean or even breathing, but there are deeper fears that I can not access yet.
God is nature and nature is god, divinity is indivisible - or I am wrong about that, but from what I have felt so far, fear is the illusion of separation created by inflexible memory - opinions/beliefs/stories/strategies to control