Underneath my story there is probably an unconscious desire to find out if anyone else is in a similar predicament. I too, understand what you mean, as the longer one is independent, the more one realizes that the meaning of life is not defined in terms of coupling. Love is a nice addition to a whole person. Vacillation is one of my key attributes though, as moods come and go. The morning brings about clarity and rational thoughts while the night brings its terrors and longings. I no longer chasing. Chasing feels like a waste of energy and time. Best to be like a rock and feel the water stream around me.
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