Thank you for sharing. There's so much I want to say in response, but really I'd want to have a conversation. "The development of romantic love depends upon two people’s ability to cultivate enormous amounts of passion for each other. In order to develop passion, there has to be obstacles to being together... " - This line jumped out at me of all the rest. Is it true? I think there is a lot of truth in it, but yet...there is still something missing. I don't believe it to be absolute. I don't feel your particular pain, of course, but I have reached a space in my life that I am done as well (hence my Scotch blog). For me it wasn't a single moment, but a life long series of "not-quites" and "but only ifs." I had a lot of self-worth issues to fix, and I did all the work, and have come to a place where I've regained a confidence and self-trust I haven't had since early childhood. It's f*in amazing. In that though, and this last bout of "complicationship," I've realized either I'm cursed or the game is rigged, and I'm done playing the part that ends with me forgiving the ones who broke my heart because they couldn't help but not love me. I have a lot of answers, but not to that one particular question. Anyway, it seems that there are a lot of awesome women in the same boat, and I just wanted to metaphorically shake your hand and nod to you in understanding. Thanks again for sharing. <3 <3 <3
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Underneath my story there is probably an unconscious desire to find out if anyone else is in a similar predicament. I too, understand what you mean, as the longer one is independent, the more one realizes that the meaning of life is not defined in terms of coupling. Love is a nice addition to a whole person. Vacillation is one of my key attributes though, as moods come and go. The morning brings about clarity and rational thoughts while the night brings its terrors and longings. I no longer chasing. Chasing feels like a waste of energy and time. Best to be like a rock and feel the water stream around me.