@stellabelle It is not selfish to want to be dead but the act itself can be very selfish. What most people don't understand about depression is that (at least in my case) it is more of feeling of being better off dead and not being a drain on others. It is from your perspective not selfish because you feel that every body would be better off without you.
The problem is that depression distorts your thinking so you can only see it that way even though your death would actually cause pain and suffering to those you know.
I hope the therapy helps you. I have tried it and did make a difference. The other thing that really helps is exercise. Now I go to the gym every day. I'm not cured but it definitely helps.
I am not cured. I still have bad days but it is getting better. I still get thoughts of death but I wouldn't act on them.
To be honest this is the first time I have even mentioned my depression publicly I still find it very painful so apologies for not going into more detail.
One day I might post about it if I am brave enough. Hope things improve for you. You may not have family but your contribution here would be missed. I appreciated your artistic donations for one of my early posts too.
Anyway if you want to discuss this in private let me know I am happy to do so. Sometimes it helps to know you are not the only one (even though it sometimes feels that way).