Showcase Sunday: It's Done (Completely Fukt Edition)

[nonameslefttouse]

Cartoon violence and dark humor. ^{That's one winning combination I feel I haven't experimented enough with as a writer and artist here on Steem. Depending on who you ask though, some might say there's too much of that madness happening in this space of mine. Taking risks is part of the game. Allowing those creative brain juices to flow freely without having to worry about anyone standing in the way to say, "You can't do that," is one of the benefits of publishing here that I cherish the most.}

^{It's Done into one big shiny new post. The first episode was published on 12/30/2016 as an experiment. At the time, I had no way of knowing this would evolve into something that would happen ten more times. Episode eleven was published on 7/26/2018. What started out as something some might call a "shit post" that only earned about 75 cents slowly morphed into one of my favorite joke templates with every new episode. By the end I was quite satisfied with this gag but I did feel a bit sorry for those who'd stumble into this mess unprepared and take it seriously, even though that very reaction was part of what was making me laugh, on this end.For this week's edition of #Showcase-Sunday, I've decided to cram all eleven episodes of}

^{I don't want to explain the joke much, other than I'm posing as a hitman and offering proof I got the job done. Each episode is quite short and clearly divided. The artwork took awhile to produce, of course. Just try to imagine what it would feel like to be browsing through the feeds and stumbling into one of these posts, as you enjoy each show.}

Here it is:

It's Done

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

See enclosed photo:

It's Done

_{end of episode one}

It's Done: Hit #2

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's Done.

Warning: If you have stumbled across this message and are not the intended recipient, you may be in danger. Forget what you've seen today and slowly step away in reverse. Take a few deep breaths, turn around, then sprint as fast as you can. Do not run like a normal person though. Run like Steven Seagal. You're being recorded and I need new material for my Youtube channel, so do not screw this up.

_{end of episode two}

It's Done: Hit #3

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's Done.

Warning: If you have stumbled across this message and are not the intended recipient, you may be in danger. Forget what you've seen today and slowly step away in reverse. Do a few silent exhale screams. You know, like you want to scream but can't seem to make the noise. Then, turn around and try to run but slip on the snow. Grab your ankle and pretend you are in the most pain you have ever been in. A man will approach you. Act like you think he did it. Pretend you cannot get up but need to get away. Pull yourself along the ground with your hands and yell for help. Make sure your voice is crackly and full of agony. When he asks what's wrong, just stare at him with fear in your eyes. Remember, you're being recorded and I need new material for my Youtube channel. Do NOT screw this up.

_{end of episode three}

It's Done: Hit #4

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's Done.

_{*I painted him up like a clown as per your request. You have three days to pay the bonus reward stated in the contract.}

Warning: If you have stumbled across this message and are not the intended recipient, you may be in danger. Forget what you've seen today and slowly step away in reverse. Stop. Do a happy dance. Don't worry, more people will join in, eventually. There is a box inside the trashcan to your left. While still dancing, reach in like you are about to retrieve the box, stop, and begin shaking your ass like a Polaroid picture. The box contains many little red flags. Grab a handful, make it rain, then continue dancing and shaking your ass. Remember, you're being recorded and I need new material for my Youtube channel.We only have one chance at this. Do NOT screw it up.

_{end of episode four}

It's Done: Hit #5

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's Done.

_{*As requested, the final chunk was left on the beach where you normally jog. Finding it should be easy enough. Don't force your tears once the police arrive. They'll know. Just think about the time someone you actually cared about died. I'll be expecting the rest of the payment by Friday. Don't let me down.}

Warning: If you have stumbled across this message and are not the intended recipient, you may be in danger. Forget what you've seen today, slowly put the photo and letter back where you found it. Next to this is another box. Open it. Put on the hat, the shoes, the coat and if your pants aren't black, put on the pants. You'll also find a small 80's ghetto blaster. Press play. When the music starts, pick up the final item. Yes, there's only one. Put the white glove on, slowly. Do it like the glove has magic powers. Once you slip it on, turn your head violently and look to the sky. Pretend you've been energized by a beam coming down from the heavens. At this point Micheal Jackson should start singing. Dance! Dance like nobody's watching. Remember, you're being recorded for my Youtube channel and we only have one shot at this. DO NOT screw it up!

_{end of episode five}

It's Done: Hit #6

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's Done.

Listen, I know you said a photo won't be necessary and I do thank you for paying in full upfront like that, but damn. You owe me a new wood chipper. How many gallons of milk did you feed your husband before you decided you were sick of being his maid? His bones were harder than stone.

It was going well, then I heard a squeal, then a thud. I saw smoke, this chunk flew out, then it stalled. There's at least $700.00 worth of damage here and I'll be expecting to see that in my Bitcoin wallet by Monday.

No funny games, no police, this isn't extortion, I just loved that machine. I appreciate your understanding in advance.

Warning:

If you have stumbled across this message and are not the intended recipient, you may be in danger. Forget everything you've seen here today, starting now. Turn around, face the tall brown building beside the little red one. See the 'X' on the ground? Stand on it.

Next, reach up to the sky. Stretch! I bet that felt good. Now, lunge and kick and lunge and kick! Scream out, "Good job ladies!" Now reach again! Reach for the sky! And lunge and kick and lunge and kick! Cool down! Breathe. In and out and in and out. Now reach again! Yeah! Just like that! Feel the burn. Hold it there! Hold it! Now drop and give me twenty! Don't be lazy! Remember, you're being recorded for my Youtube channel and we only have one shot at this. DO NOT screw it up!

_{end of episode six}

It's Done: Hit #7

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's Done

Warning:

If you have stumbled across this message and are not the intended recipient, you may be in danger. Forget everything you've seen here today and slowly back away. Keep walking in reverse until you bump into the man standing near the curb. Yell at him! Tell him to watch where he's going! When he gives you the puzzled look, hit yourself. Punch your face as hard as you can! Plead with him to stop hitting you while you continue to punch yourself. When he runs away, fall to your knees, look up to the sky with your arms out to your side and ask god, "Why? Why god! Why!" At this point, I'll need you to fall forward from your knees so you're eventually laying down. Curl up in the fetal position and begin sucking your thumb. Never forget, you're being recorded for my Youtube channel and we only have one shot at this. DO NOT screw this up!

_{end of episode seven}

It's Done: Hit #8

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's Done

Warning:

If you have stumbled across this message and are not intended recipient, you may be in danger. Put everything back in the box, just as it was when you found it. Slowly step away. Walk around to the front. Enter the blue building with the yellow door. Welcome to Luigi's. Order a medium sized pan pepperoni and mushroom pizza. The man will start bitching about his wife. Do not interrupt him. He tends to start spitting in food when people aggravate him. Smile and nod until the pizza is ready. This should not take long. Luigi is good at what he does. Pay for the pizza and leave. Cross the street, then head northbound until you see a cool 80's van with painted flames and rust on the side. Knock on the passenger side window and it will open, but just a crack. Yell out, "Supper time," and insert the pizza through the small opening provided. Then slowly walk away and pretend this never happened. Remember. You're being recorded for my Youtube channel and we only have one shot at this. DO NOT screw it up!

_{end of episode eight}

It's Done: Hit #9

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's done.

There's your proof.

 
Now, let's talk about money.

I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of the payment. You have three days, you know this. Do not attempt any funny business with me. I do not play games unless I'm, playing games. This is not a game. You know this, I know this, and your husband found out the hard way.

Now, about that damage deposit.

I realize I offered a no mess guarantee. It was Christmas, I was drunk. I was attempting to broaden my horizons by offering special deals and discounts. Unfortunately, business did not pick up as expected and I'm kicking myself in the ass for spending so much money on those ads.

I apologize for the mess. Don't worry about the stains in the rug, you can always buy a new one. It looked cheap anyway. You can paint right over the splatter, nobody will notice. I'm sorry it had to move into the kitchen. I'm certain he was going for a knife and I had to finish the job before I put myself at risk. These sort of workplace injuries are hard to explain to the people who offer compensation for lost wages due to injury. My benefits actually stopped being beneficial to me last month. I have the worst toothache in the history of pain and can't even go see a dentist until I get my ass in gear and fill out these damn forms. I hate paperwork.

I'll be keeping the damage deposit. I know, I know. That's not fair...

Whatever. What are you going to do about it? Call the cops?

Highly un-fucking-likely.

Three days from now, don't forget. Don't pretend like you forgot my bitcoin address either because I did not forget your house address. Are we clear? Of course we are.

Have a nice day.

Warning: If you are not the intended recipient of this message, you may be in danger.

^{This is why you should stop being so damn snoopy. I'm watching you and your every move. Put everything back inside the box as it was before you got your greasy hands on it. Open the other box. Inside, you'll find some clothes. Put them on. I know they don't fit, stop bitching. Make sure the pants hang down to your knees. Don't worry, the long shirt provided will cover your buttocks. Stop thinking it makes you look like a teenage girl at a sleepover party. That's the style now, for men, apparently. Once you have your costume on, take a few steps back, turn, then proceed walking down the sidewalk to the south. Keep your right hand still and sway your left arm as you walk. Be sure to keep your left side lower than your right side as you walk and always put more force on the left foot so your body sways with your arm. Now, you're gangsta. Own that walk all the way down the block. There's a man selling hot dogs on the corner. He works for me. Buy an all dressed footlong. Every time you take a bite, chew it fast, then say, DAYUM! Keep doing that for three hours. I know they don't taste good. Nobody else knows that and we think if someone just stood there acting like they're the bee's knees and the cat's meow for few hours, we'd get more customers. Just know, you're being recorded and will end up on my Youtube channel. We only have one shot at this. DO NOT screw it up.}

_{end of episode nine}

It's Done: Hit #10

You know that thing you asked me to take care of?

It's done.

Here is the proof you requested:

Not everything went as planned.

^{Unfortunately.}

First, I'd just like to thank you for your hospitality. It's not too often clients allow me to stay the weekend. Normally I have to be in, and out.

Your husband didn't dissolve as much as you thought he would. Whatever that liquid was, I don't think it was strong enough. Most of him didn't go down the drain, as planned. I blame you though. You told me it would work. I could have taken this guy down the road and threw him into the river, or something. He could be fish food but instead I listened to you and now you have a mess on your hands.

I still expect the rest of my money though. I don't care about your bathtub or the kitchen spatula I broke when I tried to scrape him up and flush chunks down the toilet.

And another thing. Wear a mask when you go in that room. Whatever that smell is, I don't think it's meant to be inhaled.

I hope this parcel reaches you in time. Enjoy the rest of your vacation.

Have a nice day.

Warning: If you are not the intended recipient of this message, you may be in danger.

^{Forget everything you thought you knew about anything, put everything back inside the box as you found it except for the plastic bag. Inside the bag you will find many strange things. Those are yours now. My gift to you. This isn't over though. Not even close. I have a crew of people following this package. They are watching you, so don't try anything stupid. Put on the shirt that says 'I'm the Blowjob Fairy'. Find a bus stop. Ask everyone if they'd like a blow job. Once someone says yes, take the flute out and begin to play. It doesn't have to be music, just blow in it. Once you're finished, take the suntan lotion out and squirt it all over your face. Don't forget to close your eyes. Then grab a handful of that glitter stuff and throw it up into the air. Be dramatic about it and do a twirl as it falls. Walk away, find a new bus stop, do it all over again. Don't screw this up either. You're being recorded, we only have one shot at this, and the ad revenue from Youtube helps me pay for gas. No funny moves, no police. That's what you get for being so damn nosy. Now get out there and show me what you're made of!}

_{end of episode ten}

It's Done: Hit #11

You know that thing you asked me to take care of? Unfortunately, there were a few problems. We need to talk.

No

^{That is not a picture of your dead husband.}

Don't worry about him, he didn't get away, that's done, it's over, you're a rich lady now, whatever, enjoy your freedom.

That is a picture of my leg.

I said, "No dogs!"

^{You agreed to the terms of service.}

How was I supposed to know a little chihuahua wearing a sombrero and some cute little cowboy boots was going to jump out of the closet and start gnawing on my leg!

The little shit wouldn't let go!  I pulled and pulled and finally managed to get him off of me but he took a huge chunk of my leg with him, ran away, and proceeded to eat it!  I wanted my flesh back but every time I got close he'd just growl and give me that look, then he'd do the head shake thing like he was trying to finish it off!

I missed my daughter's tap dance performance because the clicking sound gave me PTSD flashbacks of that damn dog and his little boots clacking around on the floor shortly before he lunged at me!  I ran out of the gymnasium screaming before I got to see the grand finale and made a big scene because of that damn dog!

I'm keeping the damage deposit and I better see the rest of the payment hit my bitcoin wallet within four days or there will be hell to pay!  You hear me!

That's all!  Have a nice day.

_{Warning: If you are not the intended recipient of this package, you are in grave danger.  Next time, don't be so damn nosy and mind your own business.  I'm watching you.  To save your life, follow these simple instructions:}

^{First, open the included chocolate pudding cup.  Dip the included carrot into the chocolate pudding, then rub the pudding all over the carrot but be sure some orange is still showing.  Next, shove the carrot up your ass.  Make sure nobody is watching.  Once you've completed those steps, put on the included denim short shorts and tank top that says "Too sexy for this shirt."  Mess up your hair and apply the included red lipstick but be sure to miss your lips.  Rub it all over your face, it doesn't matter where it goes, just put it on.  Now you're ready.  Run out onto the street and pretend you're on fire until a crowd gathers.  Once they all pull out their phones and start recording this mess; stop, drop, and roll.  Then stand up, brush yourself off, pull the carrot out of your ass and offer everyone a taste of your 'roasted vegetable'.  No funny business.  You're being recorded for my Youtube channel and we only have one shot at this.  Do not screw it up!}

_{end of episode eleven}

Will there be a twelfth episode?

^{I don't know!}

It has been well over a year since I put the project to bed. The first episode had a whopping five comments under it. As the template grew and evolved over time, that number increased. Sixty-nine comments sit under the final episode. People were having fun with it.

Not your usual blog post...

I hope you folks enjoyed it all here today.There might be more in the future. Some of you out there might remember this project. I have a feeling many more didn't even know it existed. Putting it all into one nice and neat little pile like this for #Showcase-Sunday was a lot of fun for me. That's the first time I got to see how it evolved into what it became.

#Showcase-Sunday

^{If you don't know what that is, follow this link for more information.}

Have a nice day.

Credits:All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me. ^{All content within this blog is 100% organic ACTUAL CONTENT and contains no paid vote additives!}
_{"It's Done is done! Or is it? Suspense is awesome!"} ^{"Click the #Showcase-Sunday tag to find and support more great authors every Sunday!"}

^{© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.}

Comments

[michealb]

I was here and looked at the pictures, thanks

not for reading today :)

[abh12345]

So much was 'done', I am also a witness to these photos that could be dismembered beings.

[michealb]

good to see some people around on a Sunday night

[skramatters]

Agreed

Posted using Partiko iOS

[nonameslefttouse]

Did I done too much?

[nonameslefttouse]

I thought about reading your comment but instead, I just stared at the words.

[michealb]

haha, thought about replying, instead just pressed stuff

[nonameslefttouse]

[onceuponatime]

Pull!

[nonameslefttouse]

Damn. Whatever that thing is, it sure looks fun!

[onceuponatime]

It was! It was!

[skramatters]

So your daughter likes to tap dance...

I can work with that bit of information..

I have a particular set of skills, I will find you...

Posted using Partiko Android

[nonameslefttouse]

You can't see me!

[skramatters]

I won’t require the need to see you, but you will know when I have your coordinates.

Posted using Partiko iOS

[nonameslefttouse]

I'm not very coordinated though.

[skramatters]

I’m not particularly skilled but I do pretend to be on steem.

Posted using Partiko iOS

[nonameslefttouse]

Jack off all trades?

[skramatters]

Yea handies are what puts the food on the table.. I dont discriminate, tailors, artists, farmers, lawyers, plumbers, painters, and bakers are all welcome in my capable ambidextrous palms. 🖐🏾 🤚

Posted using Partiko iOS

[muscara]

I'm so totally done ;)

[nonameslefttouse]

Done like dinner!

[ginnyannette]

I remember some of these and the cold sweat down my back. I never did go through with the carrot business. After one week and nothing happened you should have seen my relief. That smeared red lipstick stain took at least that long to wear off my face.

[nonameslefttouse]

I can't believe you wasted the carrot!

[ginnyannette]

Wasted? I wasn't going to leave it sitting there as evidence of not following directions. Of course, I had to do something else with it...

[nonameslefttouse]

Well... as long as you gave it a nice home.

[ginnyannette]

I'm pretty sure we have had this conversation before. If I had the energy I would scroll back through your blog that far to read how similar it is. But I'm not that curious - you have done a lot of writing since then.

[nonameslefttouse]

Over 200 posts since then. That confabulation stuff though... The conversation back then was totally different. I checked.

[ginnyannette]

I just looked up the word confabulation. It brought up dementia. Lol. That can't be good.

[nonameslefttouse]

Maybe that's why you forgot the hyphen in #showcase-sunday? LOL!

[ginnyannette]

Oh dang. I'm always forgetting something.

[ginnyannette]

Well, I updated the mention in the post, but can't change the tag unfortunately. Oh well, maybe next Sunday.

[ginnyannette]

Noname, is there a time frame we are supposed to use for these Sunday posts, like a year or older? I am such a rule follower.

[nonameslefttouse]

The older, the better. All I know is it'll annoy your following if you post the same thing constantly.

[jigobiladi]

Beautiful beautiful. And great photos.

[raj808]

Man.. that is a great series. I love the concept of the hitman offering proof of how he got the job done, and the 'gut punch' hilarious style.

Dip the included carrot into the chocolate pudding, then rub the pudding all over the carrot but be sure some orange is still showing. Next, shove the carrot up your ass. Make sure nobody is watching.

😂😂😂

There is nothing worse than trying to kill someone with a chihuahua wearing a sombrero hanging off your leg.... that can really cramp a hitman's style 😂 Awesome stuff!

I've just published my #showcase-sunday post. Gr8 Idea btw.

[nonameslefttouse]

It's been so long, I was able to laugh as well as I read through. Normally I know how the joke ends or what to expect. I forgot I wrote this madness!

[raj808]

Ha ha, there is nothing wrong with a bit of madness.

I hold myself back on steem with my blog and fiction... I don't know why to be honest. Some of the short stories I've written outside of steem are pure filth 😆

Two of my fav authors are chuck palahniuk and Irvine Welsh.

Posted using Partiko Android

[nonameslefttouse]

I've held back with some forms of humor. Bombed a few times experimenting. It's hard to pull off in writing, and harder when the work is surrounded with seriousness. As time passes though, more learn to not takes things too seriously here and that helps a lot. Lets me get away with more.

[enjar]

I recall seeing a few of these and loving them. Great to see them all in one spot for everyone to enjoy.

[nonameslefttouse]

I've been thinking about doing more. They might have to be a bit longer though, considering the times we live in now, here.

[akumagai]

Hahahahahaha this is so funny. I love the warnings.

Posted using Partiko Android

[nonameslefttouse]

I cracked up reading most of them and normally I don't even laugh at my own jokes. I'm glad you had fun!

[metzli]

AHAHAH. I laugh at my own jokes, esp when nobody else does.

[jigobiladi]

oh blad image

[metzli]

I almost made the mistake at looking at the pictures too closely... I think I will just scroll the pics and sleep well tonight LOL..

I was entertained, esp cause it was all wives...

[nonameslefttouse]

The pictures are more abstract than anything. They hint at violence but it's not really there.

And I think when I started including woman as clients, there was a woman in the news who hired a hitman in real life, but that hitman turned out to be a cop. I can't remember her name now though.

[bambuka]

Warning: If you are not the intended recipient of this message, you may be in danger.
I'm watching you. To save your life, follow these simple instructions:

Slowly spread your palms in different directions. It is advisable to send the right palm to the left ear. When I shoot an apple on the head of a green clown, quickly bring your palms together. IMPORTANT: a loud pop should be heard. Start screaming BRAVO! BRAVO!
I will clap my hands loudly and scream BRAVO with you.
I like what you did ?-))

[nonameslefttouse]

LOL! That was a good one!

[bambuka]

My pleasure @nonameslefttouse :-)