Most folks can wrap their minds around the concept and understanding that when you have children and someone wants to start a relationship with you, that your children are and will be part of that relationship. That if the person seeking this connection will not accept your children then they are not going to accept you either. In those situations most will walk away. They recognize that acceptance of all aspects of themselves and their lives must be accepted or there is no chance for complete unity. It really seems like a no brainier. If you do not accept my children then you do not accept me...
Now consider your relationship with your spouse or life partner. When you join in union with another you are telling the universe you are now committing to become one being. One being with one heart and one mind. The single goal to love and support each other unconditionally no matter the circumstances you may go through. To place the relationship at the top of all friendships old and new. Understanding that what effects you also effects the companion you share your life with. That whatever the struggle you are not alone for your chosen family is with you.
You see folks you do get to choose who your "family" will be. Every time someone chooses a life partner they are choosing who their family will be from that moment on. If that person has children you are now that child's parent. You are choosing to accept and love that child unconditionally as if they are your own. To not treat them any differently then you would your own children.
In this same respect any and all relationships, both old and new, outside of this partnership will need to be re-evaluated. Just as with children, a life partner is your choice and becomes a part of you. They become "your" package deal. It does not matter if it is friends or family, if they cannot accept your choice in life partner then consider walking away from them. You chose that person for you and not them.
When you meet folks in person or over social media recognize that they may not be alone/single. These folks may have life partners or children and maybe even both. That as you reach out to them for friendship you are also asking their partner for that friendship as well. They are a package deal folks. They come together not separate.
Recognize that anyone who wants you as a friend or in a group, yet refuses your partner, does not have good intentions. Their intentions become suspect with understanding that there is an agenda at play.
I myself have walked away from friends and family alike when they refused to accept my Husband, Son, or my choices in life. That when I chose my Husband Alex, in that moment I chose who my family was going to be. That from that moment forward we were one entity. Just as when my son was born. Everything I did from the moment of his birth was for both of our benefits. Every choice and decision I made was made with the understanding that whatever I chose to do, it would not effect only me. This is the same principal I based my relationship with my Husband on.
Consider who it is you are connecting to. Ask yourself and them why they are wanting to connect with you. Stop accepting everything at face value. Do not "assume" that they have read your Bio and know you are married and have kids. To many out there simply do not care or do not pay any attention to that. They simply see a pretty face or hear or read something you put out there and build a fantasy about who they think you are in their heads. None of it has any basis in reality or Truth.
When I meet new people and they want to be my friend I let them know I am married with children. I am a "Package Deal". If they want to be my friend then they will need to accept my Husband and children too. I will not join groups without Husband. To many times I have watched folks use secret groups to divide and conquer those relationships they envy. I believe the mentality at play is, "misery loves company".
In the last few months I have found myself commenting on many different posts from many different people from around the world. I have watched my Husband respond to these same posts. Folks reading and responding seem to love to argue with my Husband, while still liking what both of us are sharing. Many agreeing that what is being said is Truth. Now it gets interesting...
These same folks that would argue with my Husband then agree with him, would immediately agree with my posts with almost no arguments. These same folks would then extend an invitation to my Husband to join their "private" groups, where by as soon as he joins they would start in attacking his relationship with me.
Seriously folks... If this is the type of stuff you are encountering out there... Walk away and block those people. They are set on a path of death and destruction and they are wanting as many people as possible right there with them as they do so. These are folks who are not interested in healing themselves or helping their brothers heal either. In their minds they are the "enlightened ones" (more like enlightened egoistic minds) or the "Guru" and all should believe them and do as they say to do. None of that is or has ever been true in any way. Just because they want to believe it does not make it true.
Folks your relationships with your spouse/life partner and children are Sacred Relationships or Holy Unions. As individualized as each being is in that relationship they still work together for the benefit of the whole. They do not perceive themselves as separate any longer in their choices made in their everyday lives.
Reconsider these people wanting friendships with you and asking you to join in their groups. Especially when they actively ignore that you are in a relationship. Do you really want to with people who do not accept all aspects of you? Because your spouse and your children are aspects of you and your life. They are a part of who you are. Anyone not accepting them are not accepting you...
Hugs, love, light, and blessings on your journeys my brothers. You are loved. I love you.
A relationship can be successful, when it is two-sided; when both partners compromise, sacrifice, put efforts in the relationship. It can never be successful when one partner expects too much of the other; when one thinks that the other should accept him with all his conditions. When there is no unconditional love in a relationship, it doesn’t last long.
I don’t agree that if you reach out to someone for friendship, their partner or children, or your family should also be their friends. Friendship is a complex thing, and it is not necessary that ‘their’ family will also accept you or you accept them as friends. However, occasionally meeting the family is another thing. That can be done.
Hello brother. Thank you for sharing where you are at on your journey. You are not and were never required to agree nor disagree with what it is I share here. It either resonates with you or it does not. What you are speaking of are expectations, assumptions and preconceived notions of how things should or should not be within a relationship. Those notions are the judgments you are holding onto and believing in as being the Truth for you. Those are the parameters you have been taught to judge everything by.
Something to consider in regards this article I shared. In it I was speaking towards the understanding of the personal experiences I have had with "friends" and family alike. So called friends who would constantly try to undermine our marriage with offers of hooking my husband up with some female companions, that what his wife doesn't know won't hurt her... Or how about family who expect you to come over for Holiday or just to visit. They expect you to stay the ENTIRE day yet stipulate you are not to bring your husband for he is not welcome. That the only time your family contacts you or acknowledges you is if they want something from you.
As for groups and friends... One must ask themselves why it is they are handing away the Sovereignty and rights to choose for themselves to someone else when they are constantly bowing down to the dictates of those around them. It makes one begin to wonder who it is that is actually living ones life when this is what is going on. For that is what our friends and family do. They try to dictate to you and your chosen spouse what it is they think and believe you should or should not do.
Now these same folks are the same ones who are constantly bitching and screaming about their own lives and everyone else around them and what those people are or are not doing. In those same breaths they are pointing fingers at the being across the room they are also pointing a finger at you. Because as soon as you walk away they will be doing that same thing with someone else while pointing at you.
The whole purpose of this article was to point out how one is to choose to place themselves, their partner and their relationship with each other before and above all other relationships. They are to place that relationship in God's Hands and under Holy Spirit's Guidance to show them how to come together in harmony turning only to each other and no one else in the moment of their trials and tribulations. That it is the seeking of the judgmental egoistic opinions of those outside of you that is causing all the strife and issues you experience.
It would be those private friendships and secret conversations that are sowing the seeds of mistrust and strife. For it is within those secret whispering's that the defamation of character and pseudo suggestions can be made so seeds of dissatisfaction are planted to grow. That spilling of the soul to a willing ear when strife arises in the relationship that plays the dutiful friend in commiseration. All while hiding a gleam of avarice from their smiling eyes as they pray for you to leave your partner and choose them instead.
These are the things I was sharing in this article brother. These are the points you missed in your rush to judge what was shared with you. The moment you chose to judge the message you blocked yourself from hearing it Truly as it was being shared. You chose instead to lay your own judgmental blanket over it, deciding for yourself what was or was not of value and worth and even what is or is not True. All based on your own purview of belief.
Blessing on your journey brother. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.