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:) Thank you. Sometimes the way to true salvation is through hell, cause that is where I felt I was for many years and my poor wife. I put her through Unimaginable terror of the fear of finding her husband dead every day she went to work.

Yes, sometimes humans have to hit bottom and then float.
Inside there is always a force that is love for yourself, for life.
You're afloat, stay there. Grab that love.