It's winter and you need to make your way into the city to get something that your town doesn't have. You feel the anxiety build up of having to potentially interact with people on your route and hate yourself for not having a car at this moment in time which would be a blessing for your safe space.
You put on your jacket and shoes and take a deep breath, look out of the peephole in your door to make sure the lights in the apartment are off cause if they are on it means that someone else might be on their way out and that's something you want to avoid. It seems safe so you open the door and take your first steps out after not remembering when the last time was. As you are about to call for the elevator you notice it's already on the way down so the only choice you have now is to take the steps down cause the odds of them heading for the same floor are 1 out of 5 and you know how unlucky you usually are.
On your way to the bus stop you see another person walking by you, this is where things get intense. You don't greet a stranger but at the same time it's rude not to greet someone you know, you now have to check as they are getting closer if it is someone you know without looking at their direction while they are figuring out if you are someone they know. You kind of look straight ahead and take a peak now and then, awkwardness is surely to ensue if you both look at the same time and realize none of you know each other.
You remember that you should buy a drink for the bus but the risk that the bus driver will tell you something like "be careful not to spill that inside the bus" and face shame from the rest of the passengers or having to go inside the store and interact with the worker there might be too big to face. Your throat is really dry so you have to do it anyway. While inside the store looking for the smallest drink so the driver won't ever know you have it on you but at the same time make sure it has a cap so you can drink it in hiding, you hope no one you know happens to see you in the store and in worst case scenario come to the checkout at the same time when you are there waiting for your turn as that would probably require some small talk which no one in Finland has the ability to do. You take out your card and pay with your taxed income on a taxed drink and make your way to the bus.
When waiting at the bus stop you make damn sure you are not standing too close to someone else, you stop about 2 meters from the closest other person waiting for the bus and then stand there. You don't walk past that queue to wait on the other side cause that would just be weird, you wait as if it's a queue to hop onto the bus but leave enough room for others to be able to lay down if they wanted to in a line.
When you hop in the bus you pray to whatever it is you believe in that there are two empty seats and that you don't have to sit beside someone. You realize the heavens have deserted you a long time ago and 3/4th's into the bus you notice that there are no double seats free cause everyone has taken one so now you have to sit beside someone and decide how much further you walk back or if it's disrespectful to the people close to you when you made the realization as they will wonder why you didn't just sit next to someone then and there. You try to quickly find the smallest person close to you and who doesn't have a bag in the seat next to them and sit down, you don't say a word. If you say something they will wonder if you know them or if you want to have a conversation, don't worry though cause 90% of the time they will have earphones on to protect them from any interaction. You sit down and realize you forgot yours so now all you can do is sit there in silence looking at your phone while the only other sound is the bus' engine. If you have don't have your phone charged you will find out what eternity feels like.
During the ride if a double seat becomes free close to you, it's not the polite thing to leave your neighbor and free him and yourself up. You just don't do that, it's like an unspoken agreement now and you both know it. If he is next to the window and is arriving at his spot you'll realize the only advantage to not having earphones with you that one day is that you can hear him rustle his bag or look towards your direction and you stand up without saying a word and when you sit back down you take the first breath since you left your apartment.
I am not joking.
Image Source 1 , 2
Wow! That's an amazing story. As an Englishman Living in Thailand, it's almost the complete opposite. Out here it widely encouraged to talk to complete strangers. As an example, if you are buying food at the local markets, you can expect to be asked numerous personal questions like, "Where do you live?", "Do you have a girlfriend yet?" and "Where are you going now?". To not respond to these questions, no matter how personal could be considered rude as this is the norm in Thai culture.
I can totally relate to this story though as I used to live in London and take a 40 minute ride to work on the underground train every day, it was very similar. Thousands of people in close proximity, all avoiding eye contact with their heads down and their earphones in.
Great post, thanks for sharing!
Haha had to share this coincidence of two similar opinions in a row. :)
and thanks! Yeah, things get very different fast depending on where you live and can be quite a cultural shock when abroad.
Thanks for sharing! Cultures in different countries has always been so interesting for me. Part of the reason I wanted to live in Asia. Have a great day!
I would love to visit both thailand and Finlqnd one day to appreciate this striking contrast forsthand😁😁
Haha, as a norwegian, I can really relate to this. awesome post! :D
I used to suffer a lot of anxiety myself. I still do to some extent, but age and maturity help a lot. As you get older, you become more comfortable in your own skin and less sensitive to what other people think. I eventually became content with myself the way I am. I'm not perfect and not this or that, but I am who I am and I'm happy with that.
Being yourself is a nice thought, although we are sometimes accounted for. if I want to sell a work of art to a gallery, I'm going to wear a tie and pulled it back, while with my friend I am completely myself an more open, dont see meself give the gallery owner a hug
although I am always pretty satisfied with myself, although everyone has a wrong side, nice comment
That's true. There are certain societal norms and customs we have to follow in order to be successful. During the work week, I take a shower in the morning, dress nicely and show up at the office on time. On weekends, I may very well sleep late, not shower on one of the days and dress like a hobo. Regardless of where I am, I try to be true to myself.
The point I was trying to make is that I found that as I got older, I became less anxious. Drinking and drugs are not the way to handle it. Age and maturity really help, and I've also recently gotten into meditation, which I think is very helpful.
Well I try to leave alcohol and drugs behind me now. And now more to professional help and sometimes even prescribed pills, if necessary. But old age has not changed anything about how I look and feel in this world, although I have the feeling that I come across more like-minded people here and on discord.
And I personally can not just sit inside for too long, because then the stimulus is too big when I come back outside. and mood is also often a key role
a nice introduction, I am from the Dutch speaking part of Belgium
I've found that old age and maturity have helped. Like you, I get restless and need to move around. I also try to focus on the positive things in life and all that I have for which I should be grateful. Focusing on negative things that I cannot control is very counterproductive. I wish you happiness and peace my friend.
find peace in life is a gooed start i ges, greetings have some great day
I enjoy reading your post...nice to know about other countries..i was wondering why they don’t interact with other..in our country if we are in same bus we will like to talk,if we didn’t talk they think its rude..but different country different culture.
a little more kindness and direct contact would improve the interactions a lot, I always try to be friendly and say a good day, but most of them look weird at me back, and get back to there ego .;
Yep, it happens sometime..@jackjohnanneshemp
I've used public transportation in several dozen different large cities in Europe and I haven't seen people talk much to strangers standing or sitting next to them. There may exist more extroverted cultures in places I have not visited but I can say that people don't talk to strangers on trains or buses anywhere in Western Europe. They don't talk much in Eastern Europe, either. I've traveled by train in Russia and Poland. This phenomenon is not particularly Finnish but maybe we are slightly more extreme in this compared to other Europeans. Despite this, I have never, and I mean never, had any difficulty finding someone to talk to on a train in Finland if I've been in a talking mood. If there is nobody near my seat who seems to be open to entertaining themselves by conversing with a stranger, I just go to the restaurant car, order a beer and sit down at or near a table where there is someone looking bored.
It varies a great deal from person to person. When I visited Lombardy in Italy fifteen years ago, I was taken by surprise by how taciturn the locals seemed. They were not the incessant chatterboxes I had imagined most Italians would be. Perhaps in the South ... but I might be in for a disappointment again. ;)
As an introvert, this is so my thing. I behave very finnish.
This was exactly what i was thinking, this is an introvert person perspective!
I'm really confident in my self so i dont agree with this perspective but i was something really interesting to read
😂😂😂. My British friend described an interaction almost EXACTLY like this.
I feel for you
Wow is this the way everyone feels in Finland? It must be difficult to have any social interactions there.
I can definitely be a bit introverted myself.
I can tell you if you ride the bus here in Texas someone's likely to put their arm around you and pull you close to them and start telling you how they feel about something like the president or politics.
I'm not sure which situation I prefer.
That would be a nightmare for us Finns.
I'm an extrovert but someone pulling their arm around me and telling me how Trump is going to make America great again is a horrific thought. :D
Wow is this the way everyone feels in Finland? It must be difficult to have any social interactions there.
Not me.
So that's why your junior hockey team seems so damn quiet on the ice when they play in the world tournament and try to beat us Canadians...
Interesting.
OMG this is opposite of how we interact in the Philippines. We talk to strangers just like family members. Only few are snobbish (I am one of them. LOL! I don't want to be hypnotized by scammers/thieves and all the "bad elements").
I am laughing here while reading... "leaves enough room for others to lay down if they wanted to in a line." I imagine someone laying down.
(^_^)
Daamn, I felt like you were describing me. Except that was me many years ago. Now I am awkward in a different way. It's interesting to see how alike we humans are :)
By the way, this was well thought out and very original. Who would of thought to write something like this. Nice job mate!
I know what you mean since sometimes I feel the same. Those forced conversations we need to have with people on the street are a burden on the soul.
I mean, I guess I could see that bothering someone if you've been sitting next to them for several minutes then get up the first chance you can, as they'll feel like it's something with them. But, I'd still do it anyways because fuck being next to strangers :D
Also, I'm glad I'm not the only person on this site that has some anxiety issues. Haven't really seen anyone on here talk about this kind of stuff. Then again, I'm pretty much a god damn hermit at this point.
Anxiety is our middle name, the only cure is alcohol.
Yep, gonna have to say I agree considering I have 2 bottles of whiskey and a bottle of vodka in the kitchen right now, lol.
Though I like drink as much as the next, even in depths of winter sadness or stillness we should forget not that our kidneys have hopes and dreams too!
Haha, I wouldn't have believed that people in a line would have 2 meters of space from the next, if it weren't for those pictures. Just out of curiosity, is everyone generally introverted there?
Sure seems that way. The only places you can meet and get to know people are in school, work or the club, else you're just a stranger.
Great post...it’s really funny that they put their earphones because they don’t want to ineraction with other.. @acidyo
It's the best invention for busrides ever.
Wow really in finland like tht?
Its reall the people look stand behind other people with 2 meters space.
Are they dont like to comunicate by stranger? How they make a friend?
Thats very interesting thing i read from your post..
Mke me wnna know more abt finland.
The life and times of an introvert, borderline hermit...
Damn! So people don't have/make friends in Finland?
I just replied to this in my last comment. :)
I thought I was the first one to comment on this post. Damn you internet xD
All in all, us Finns have a weird sense of humor. We love sarcasm and dry jokes. Your situation might get tricky only when you take a Finn’s statement literally, and only after several minutes start to wonder, whether it was a joke or not. This is a thing you simply must learn to embrace.
Hehe, cool didn't know you were Finnish as well!
I have been living in Sweden for the last 10 years , visiting Finland and all Scandinavia.. and I can tell the culture is al ost the same everywhere. Look isolated. Scandinavian look so with stranger, but once you really got to know each other, it’s a game changer..become so much friendly. I think that is a respectful honesty. Not to mention opposite cultures in another places where stranger just say untrue but beautiful words to strangers whom they met for the first time e.g. “hi friend”, “ Hi bro” .... when they are not friends or brothers to call each other so, not to mention how street scammers usually use such unhonest words .. so even some people don’t appreciate the Scandinavian isolated culture , but because they look at it from outside. If you spend time with them like me, one can really doff the hat to their honest culture .. just wanted to share my experience with people here reading this post.
Cheers 🍻
traveling to finland is very easy. Finnish customs and manners are clearly European, with only a few national variations, and attitudes are liberal.all the rules and regulation traveling to finland is easy for us.i want to visit there very soon in finland.nice description of finland story.
Quite a bit hard to do that especially here in the Philippines. :v
Source
Lol at that point whose conversation aren't you a part of.
Finland is a great place to visit people stay very relaxed and happy
A sadistic extroverts paradise.
Looking down the bus aisle he spots the perfect seat. Right next to an average guy in a p-coat with the seats across from him both empty. "Oh thank god a comfortable looking seat, do you mind? I'm jacob, I like people and you are..he ask the gentleman next to him, as he see him eyeing the two empty seats across the aisle...Such wonderful weather, i'm heading into the city because I need to buy some new undies this pair I have on are so full of holes and the wind is so cold I just can't keep my privates warm enough...how about you why are you heading into town?
Finnish Headline News Channel, we interrupt our normal boring news with this story of a slightly elderly gentleman being questioned as to why he suddenly turned and smacked the crap out of the individual sitting next to him on the bus..Sorry folks no real story we return to our normal boring news, it seems the smacked down guy was an extrovert, explains it all.
This is quite strange, thank you for sharing so i can also tell my friends that wants to visit. It is also the same in Britain unlike Nigeria my country where the case is the opposite. It is rude not to responde to even stupid questions.lol
I enjoyed this piece.
I can associate a lot with this coming from Sweden. I think social anxiety
Is kind of enhirited in this northern part of the world. It's a natural evolution that has come about from a hostile environment where the cold keeps us inside most of the year and where the low density on people has put your neighbor far enough that you don't have to bump into them on a daily basis.
It's quite hard to get to know someone In Scandinavia. There is a big distance that has to be broken down. Once you close this distance however i find we can still be very social.
A big problem in my life is that I want company of friends but I prefer solitude. I think internet is both a blessing and curse for social phobia. We can reach our to others but we might start preferring this means of communication more than meeting up in real life.
Very interesting post and I like when someone shares so openly , it allows for others to dare and do the same
I think you're right, and there's the problem where you've satisfied some of the social needs for bonding but can't do other things like bro-hugs that also have healthy positive benefits. Maybe we should start a tele-bro-hug ico? And on top of that it's kind of a convenient excuse to not go outside, which means less exposure to sunlight, which means more depression, and...
Hehe indeed a vicious cycle . Haha tel bro hug ICO sound like fun lol
It might even require communicating with a team of devs, getting some more people on board to drive up a media frenzy, getting on voip everyday and interacting with...... yeah, nevermind.
It's pretty much the same in Estonia!
Our cultures are so similar, languages are similar (although we don't understand eachother until we're both drunk - again, culture similarities), etc.
Greetings and love from your little sister - Estonia!
Maybe I read it wrong, but here in the US I've always thought it was considerate to switch to an empty row if one frees up to give you both some more room.
Most people here in the US will actually put there bags in the empty seat until the bus starts to fill up and someone has to ask if they can sit there so they are forced to move the bag. LOL
I'm an introvert myself so I like that this is the social norm.
sounds like Estonia
Yep. The entire North of Europe is like this. In my experience, people tend to be a little more open to contact with strangers in Southern Europe but not hugely so.
Very interesting. I am from Latvia, and also a little bit more introverted than I would like to be. Nevertheless, 2 meters interval from each other in the bus stop is too much, I would prefer 1-1,5 meters :)
Is it rude to talk to strangers in Latvia? More often than no, because of the soviet past - then talkative strangers were often suspected be government agents. After the war, it was taught to every child: Don't you ever talk with strangers! Perhaps, this is why we now often cannot feel comfortable appraching complete strangers with probable cause :)
On the other hand, it is not so extreme than in Finland. If some stranger asks some Latvian native something, most probably they will receive a more or less respectful answer, though no too long.
I have a theory: the farther to the north, the more isolated are people, saving the communication for really close friends and neccessary situations. Where there is more sun, people are more open and friendly, at least at the first contact. On the other hand, ir seems that they lie more and with less effort in the south :)
I don't think the northern preference for large personal space is the result of a historical reality of too little proximity but the exact opposite. You see, only a century ago most Finns had large families and lived in small cabins. Because the long, cold and dark winters much time was spent indoors. There was little to do outdoors except for feeding the cattle and shoveling their shit once a day anyway. Those cabins were unbelievably cramped for space by modern standards. Because there was very little personal space in a physical sense, it had to be arranged by learning the art of studied indifference to provide one another a much needed sense of personal space. In this sense, Finns and other northern peoples are like submariners who have been forced to learn the mode of interaction @acidyo aptly described. Repeated over hundreds of generations this type of behavior has become deeply ingrained culturally - and perhaps genetically in northern peoples.
This is a good argument. The same for Latvia a century or two ago, and lack of personal space. And yes, in Finland the winters are colder and darker and longer than here. Lack of sunlight does not help anybody.
Now I am wondering about Russian far north - is it the same at the same latitutes? Russians are notorious for comparatively small personal spaces...
I have some experience with northern Russians. In my experience, they are easy to get along with because they share the same northern temperament. There is a tendency to be withdrawn and become emotional, sometimes disturbingly so after consumption of sufficient quantities of alcohol.
There are many kinds of people in this country. I had a very different experience today. My family and I moved on Thursday. Today, the doorbell rang and there was a lady with a six-year-old boy at the door. She told us she lived in the house across the street and wanted to welcome us to the neighborhood. She gave my wife a bouquet of flowers and we all had a nice chat. My wife asked her and her husband to visit us after we're done unpacking.
All I know about finland is a character named marti artisari and the capital of helsinki. Because the city is a history of GAM and Indonesia peace
You living in Finland? I just got a friend from Finland to join steemit! Nice! He's opening an account right now, will take him some time though. I know quite many Finnish people, don't know why... I went on an roadtrip with two finnish girls from Barcelona to Munich last december, was awesome!
Now about the post, I would say the bus thing in germany is really similar, but talking to them, either you get someone who enjoy a short chat or someone who just dislikes it completely :D
As I wrote earlier, none of this is uniquely Finnish. What is typically Finnish is thinking that many common things are typically Finnish. But I've heard many other peoples are under the same illusion about many things, too.
I'm deleting my comments.
Being down voted by Content censoring whales sucks
and hurts minnows who only earn 0.01 per post/comment anyhow
This whale BS will kill STEEM imho
Seriously? That's for everyone in Finland? My gosh. I should go there so no one would bother me at all. Yay! 😀 But it's going to be lonely. 😣
No, it's not everyone in Finland. Seriously. A larger percentage of us may be introverts than in most other countries but not everyone is like that.
@markkujantunen oh I see... Okay. That's cool. :)
It's a long-standing tradition to feed foreigners stories about how extreme or weird Finland is. It's a national pastime. Deadpan humor is quite popular here and sometimes I get the feeling that it's about who can feed foreigners the most outlandish stuff with a straight face. :D
My gosh. Ok.
Now i know i won't be fooled by anyone from Finland anymore. 😂
But then again hey, people may believe it and think all sorts of things about Finland?
WHAT?! So I wont bother you anymore hahaha 😂😂😂
WHAT!? No that's different because we know each other online already. Wahaha~
I agreed to @pinay we filipinos love to interact though we talk to strangers. Smile back when someone smiles at you. And always saying Hi or Kumusta ka? (How are you?) To someone you know whom you bumped into. Hehe
But I must admit that I sometimes thought of this, oh people needs to have some Me time in the bus as well. 😂
the entire time while reading this blog, I hoped you found someone you know of so you can atleast talk and smile. I was hoping this was just a joke but you said you were not joking.
In the Philippines, we talk a lot, we smile and laugh even to strangers. Not talking results to bad breath :D
Ha I know much about the finland now..sure to visit there soon.. nice descriptions of finland..I enjoy reading this post.😊
very helpful information and write ups
with these post it makes it easy to relate to other people in other country even without been there.
hope to visit finland and other countries would love more description of other countries.
Wow, is all I have to say. Such attention to detail in this small skit. It felt so real as if I was living it too. You’re a great writer let me tell you. Had me at the edge of my seat the whole time. It just seemed so real as if I was living it too. Great little story my friend. As always Much Love and Respect! Your friend DDJJ KKHALEDD #BlessUp
Nice experience on Finland
great, I hope travel to finland the next year
Interesting story though a joke because when a person is joking, he will say "I am not joking" but when he is not joking, he will not say it.
Gosh, this is one of the most dreadful situations I experience when I go out. Do I greet them and risk getting ignored, or ignore them and look like a snob? Is there even some sort of etiquette to this?
Kudos to you for putting it into exact words.
It’s no secret that Finland suffers from some pretty dark and gloomy winters but, come the summer, the country lives up to its nickname as the Land of the Midnight Sun. My friend visited the north of the country during the months of June and July and he told me that the sun never drops below the horizon. Awesome Share @acidyo
wow,,what a wonderful story it is..its also very knowledgeable..so thanks for sharing..i am waiting for your next post....great job
Amazing story.Thanks for sharing it.
Wonderful story..