continued from here
Some say that the secret is in living just Today. How is life Today? Don’t look at tomorrow. If it isn’t a problem right now, it isn’t a problem. Seriously, I’ve read that in many self help and Law of Attraction type books. And I am completely sold on the Law of Attraction.
In a nutshell it maintains that what you put your attention on is what you attract into your life. For example, Mother Teresa would never participate in an anti war rally. The focus was on war. She would and did however, participate in peace rallies. The focus being on peace.
So rather than focus on the cause of my suicidal depression, I should focus on all the good things in my life. Sounds so easy. And I know from experience that it works. I’m not suicidal every waking moment. I can go for months without even thinking about suicide. I was once diagnosed manic depressive, but they changed their minds when I became violently ill from the medication. They decided it was hormonal instead.
Doctors are amusing. But their misdiagnoses have sent me to the depths of depression, more than once. Like the time I was told I had emphysema and would have to rely on oxygen for the rest of my (soon to be miserable) life. I was equipped with a bedside oxygen generator. Those things are noisy and you have to wear this plastic face mask thing. (Didn’t help with the insomnia much.) Of course, they put me on medications for emphysema. I like medication as much as the next person, but the emphysema meds weren’t all that fun.
After being told that I would die a slow and painful death I was beyond depressed. Then a little voice within me said, “You don’t have emphysema. Get another opinion.” The second doctor found no evidence of lung disease. My depression lifted dramatically at the news. But, who could blame me for considering suicide that time?
Focusing on today is a pretty handy tool. After all, you can’t go back and change yesterday. And while you can plan for tomorrow, you can’t actually be at that meeting until it’s time. You may worry about next months bills, but TODAY right HERE right NOW, those bills don’t exist yet. That pending disaster isn’t here yet. Being in the present moment is a good start to being alive.
Understand that if you are depressed there are days when you just can’t get to the here and now. That addiction to the negative emotion is too powerful sometimes. There is a video that shows how the brain becomes addicted to certain emotions. Any emotions really. As we experience love or fear or anxiety or depression or anger over and over our body begins to crave the chemical created by that emotion. It starts to replace receptacles for other chemicals with receptacles for the chemicals from the emotions that we experience most often.
So… according to this study, If you are afraid all the time, it’s because your body wants you to be. It needs that emotion in order to get the chemicals that it needs. Same for love, joy, anger and yes, depression.
I know this logically, but it’s very difficult to maintain joy when your body is screaming, “Just end it already!” But, I have to tell you, today my body is not screaming that. Today I am feeling pretty good about my future. There are problems to be solved. The stock market is about to crash again. Children are being killed in their own schools. North Korea's insane dictator has nucleor weapons. It's crazy out there! But, I personally feel pretty good TODAY. No depression. TODAY. No concern for how to make it through next month. TODAY
So today is proof that not all days are depressing and that alone gives me hope to continue. I will not kill myself..... TODAY.
Part 3 will be posted in the next week. In the meantime check out my blog and get to know me a little better. I might just be someone worth following. :) I'm interested to know your opinions on the subject. Especially @kiwideb @andysantics @jcedwards @magicalmoonlight @mandelsage and anyone else who stumles across this.
Ergh! I'm so annoyed that this post (and your previous post) doesn't have more upvotes/comments... You've really put effort and heart into them.
Like I said, I am happily free (for now) of any suicidal thoughts, and actually have the opposite problem of wishing I could live more than is possible.
And I can't not talk about the Law of Attraction... I think you put it in a way here that makes more sense, but usually what is published speaks of an energy that exists that you can 'channel" with positive thoughts, which then attracts things to you like a spiritual magnet... Bleh. ;P
It really is just all psychology. When you're optimistic, you're more open to and likely to recognise an opportunity than when you are pessimistic. Simple as that... No "energy channeling" whatsoever. It would be different they used energy as a metaphor or something, but most don't.
And yes... The idea of being present in the here and now is powerful. I used to live in the future a lot but now some might say I don't live in it enough ;P ...
I'm glad to know that right now, the darkness has subsided somewhat in your life and hope it continues to do so =)
I thought this would get more view, too. It is what it is. The Law of Attraction ALWAYS works. The problem is that people think it's only for positive focus. When you focus on the bills, you get more bills. It's all about where you put your focus. And in a way that is where you "channel your energy". But you don't have to focus on channeling your energy. You have to focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Its a fine line of distinction.
Some of my darkness was because of a physical chemical imbalance. We fixed that and it has made so much difference. Most people think you should be able to deal with it without prescription drugs. In my case, they were wrong. I'm only sorry I didn't get help sooner. Mine goes a little deeper than depression. I also suffer from paranoia. That makes it really hard to discuss depression and suicide with people who could put you in a psych hospital if they want to.
Thanks for reading. I'll post the next bit probably by Friday. Feel free to resteem. :)
what I think about depression and the idea of suicide is a disconnection with yourself or your soul, my original language is Spanish so it could be difficult for me to talk about your inner peace, how to find it in yourself... I suffer other health disorders like panic attack, the fear of death is the matter with it, etc etc... to be short, for me Yoga for my body, mind and spirit and Ayurveda helps with my general balance and begin to go through the path of the Vedanta or Tantra Philosophy helps me to understood myself and begin to recognize me, to respect me and love me. It´s not easy. It takes time, goes through it is infinite but it's so satisfying and positive that you can not miss it. I Hope this could illuminate you.
I share posts about Yoga, Ayurveda, Alimentation, etc, visit my blog if you like and you will find tips!
This series that I'm posting is to help people understand the kinds of things that push people towards suicide and to help those who actually consider it. It's an extremely complicated subject. For me, medication was required. I also do yoga and meditate and do mantra chants. Working on my pineal gland and more. And that helps. I think I've addressed it later in the series. I think self love has to be habituated. I am going to your blog from here.
Thanks for your labor, I appreciate your invaluable interest! Go on with these matter.
You're so right depression and suicide are both such complicated topics - it's very hard to understand the triggers, from one person to another it could be so different.... thanks for sharing
Followed and looking forward to reading part 3. Everyday that isn't a bad day is one to hold onto when suicidal thoughts are normally frequent. x