The second time I will be greeting you a Happy Father's Day is here on a social media where I am happily dwelling now. The first time I have greeted you was when I was 9 years old. A few months after you died.
My father had a motor accident during the time I was celebrating my 9th birthday. Internal hemorrhage making him in a comatose state. The following day, he died.
Everytime I celebrated my birthdays ever since that day, it was a commemoration of his horrible accident and the next day would always be his death anniversary.
This is the story of my father in his peak of his life and his demise.
This photo was taken when I was 8 years old. A very important moment in my life as a Christian. My First Holy Communion. This is the one and only photo that we have being together. Let this platform engrave this memory in the depths of the steem blockchain.
I have vivid memories when we were together. Why? Because it was just a few. A few moments we shared. But very special ones. And will carry these memories until the day God will also take my soul to His hands to be with Him for eternity.
I haven't shared this part of my life with my bestfriends. They would just assume somehow growing up without a father has made me a bit effeminate in all my ways. My father went abroad and seek for greener pastures when I was still in my mother's womb. I can portray my father to be the bad guy here in my piece but for the respect of his soul, I just want to share the vital ones.
My dad and my mom were still in contact thru love letters being exchanged through the snail mail before I was born. Until after 6 months their communication stopped, my dad didn't reply already from the last letter that my mom sent. From Saudi Arabia, he went to the United States of America. He didn't even have the effort communicating to my mom asking how she was. And there he started to live a new life for him forgetting his family back here in the Philippines. There was no such thing as CENOMAR so everything he does being single is so easy. His girlfriends even made the effort of contacting my mother asking for my father's hand. (Handsome guy right? Hahaha)
Fast forward
"Ma? Where is Papa?" At last I have uttered.
Growing up without a dad is not really a big deal for me because my mom is a very hard-working person. She takes all opportunities that she can grab to earn a living for us both. Me and my mom with the rest of her siblings asking for her support as an elder sister to all of them. A responsible sister and a single parent indeed. I salute every single parent we have in the world
My mom simply respond from my question, "Papa is there in the States working to buy lots of ice cream for you"
Unselfish on her part not for me to bear any ounce of hatred towards my dad for leaving and forgetting us like that.
On the other hand, on the other part of the world, he was literally lying in a pile of money scattered on his bed. Yes, for some reason the worst thing you could possibly think of to have easy money in a snap will give you a hint what he is being involved with, we are all free to think of that you thought it was.
Some good things never last, even the bad ones.
He was sent back here in the Philippines for the most obvious reasons he was caught by the Federal Bureau. He was deported. Everything that he had was taken from him. So he went back here in the Philippines only with his clothes on. Not even a single dime for my ice cream that my mom use to tell me and let me believe all along.
Fast forward
"Pa, why is it that it took you so long for you to work hard to earn money for my ice cream?"
Inside the non-airconditioned bus from Batangas going to Alabang, Muntinlupa. I asked that question for my inquisitive self to be satisfied at last through those long years I have somehow waited for him.
He just simply answered with what my feeble kid-like mind would comprehend,
Because I wanted more things to buy you rather than ice cream alone.
I was touched with I thought the most sincere answer. I have taken all those silly explanations because for me,
he is here hugging me and that's all that matters.
It was the happiest days of my life as far as I could remember, we would go to malls with the three of us with my mom and dad being so sweet together. I would even cling to his left or right arm and elevate myself and just hold on while he walks. I would even sit on his shoulder while all three of us pass by the streets of anywhere we could go. A total show of strength and security for his family, love, care, and totally making my mom really happy since she never been out with any guy after my father left. (And even after he died until now)
God, my tears are flowing but I try to be strong and should never get distracted from my emotions as I try to write this memorable part in my life.
I even forgot everything's going on this photo taken during my first communion. All I thought of is I am happy! I was proud to tell my classmates I already have my dad with me and ready to defend me if I get bullied again in school.
The present time
I love you Papa, aren't we enough in your life that you still needed to go back to "your old ways" not to choose your loving family to totally change your life this time?
This is what I thought now. This is what I wanted to tell him in exclamatory manner.
At this point in my life I was able to look back and linger on the happy moments I had with my dad.
My 9th Birthday
Ma, why is it Papa couldn't go with us here in our home to celebrate my first ever birthday being with him?
"I don't know", she replied.
(Probably she couldn't tell me now he will again look for money to buy ice cream for me.)
The real score? Because he loves methampethamine more than he loves his family. I'm not solved with the explanations of my relatives that my dad will choose other things rather than his own blood's first ever birthday he will attend to. I know how powerful drugs can manipulate the sane minds of people once you started doing it.
Look at how drugs can ruin lives of the many people around you, family, relationship and even your own life.
Wherever you are now my father? Rest in peace. Because I still treat you with respect and still shown me how much you love us even at the last days of your life.
And as what I have said, I do love you.
Let this blog be a proof of the closure I have wanted to have with you.
I have ESP but I can barely recognize your presence. As I long for it.
Thanks to the contest of @reginecruz, it triggered me to create this masterpiece.
@curie I hope this will reach your sight to at least check it out.
@ohana @steemitfamilyph @steemitpowerupph
@teardrops the tears now have a value!
Will always support all programsof Terry and all my voted witnesses.
Thank you for reading!
Blog created using @busy.org @busy.app
Cherish all the precious moments you have with your father.
Photos are mine originally taken by Kodak Ektra. And developed by Kodak. Shot using MyPhone A7 DTV.
Kaka touch @fycee, pinigilan ko luha ko, Ng sinabi Ng Mama mo mas daming ice cream mabili...galing niya di siniraan Ni Mama mo Ang image Ni Papa mo sa Iyo...
Yes mommy Judy, it was until then she never told me that my dad slip something to my mom's coffee the time she was bearing me that made my mom really have an almost miscarriage to have no obligations when he is in abroad already.
I have forgiven his soul for that crime :)
Heart touching .
Your post make me cry .
Your father always with you. Be happy.
Thank you for this comment @aditya-murarka. Yes but I Wish he is in a better place now.
Those moments meant a lot you my dear so cherish it. At least your mom raised you well and you have each other. God bless!
Thank you mommy Glo! Inspite of all that I have no grudges to my father. I just didn't shed any tear that time during the wake. Not even during the burial. I just didn't know if my heart was a stone even when I was a kid but Everytime I will remember those moments when I sit on his shoulders when we roam around the place? I always pause from what I am doing and cry or get teary-eyed. Thanks for dropping by. :)
I can relate with this post kuya. I never knew my dad he left my mother when I was very young. However unlike your mom my mom hated me because I remind her of my father. I was treated like an outsider to my mother's second family. These experiences made me strong and the person who I am now. Mother's and Father's days are always difficult for me as it reminds me of my parents misgivings.
Oh ao ba naman ito pinaiyak na nman ako sa nalaman kò sa buhay mo An?
Kaya pala ahit hirap ang buhay ko nmin pamilya simula noon hanggang ngayon pero sa hirap at ginhawa hawak kamay ang nanay at tatay ko An.ngayon nga ngkasakit si nanay ko alaga parin siya ni tatay ko
@olivia08 yes tita pero sanay na ako :)
Kaya ganun nalang ikaw ka strong woman.
God bless you more an..
Salamat tita! :)
Awwww it's really sad knowing what you've been through. But despite all that, look at what we have here, a fine and determined young lady that is looked upon by many, including myself :) sometimes our family background are the ones keeping us strong because we are used with to all the hardships and sorrows that life could blow us. Let's still continue to exude a good natured self to everyone we encounter. Keep it up. You are amazingly doing well inside steemit and in the real life.
Thank you kuya and I am glad that you have found closure :)
OMG :( I still can't read the whole story further because the third sentence in the first paragraph caught me. Still catching some courage to continue. I know how it feels kuya. :( Still know how it exactly feels..
Yes it feels bad if you cannot let go of some grudges you hold even after the one we abhor with is already inside the grave. But, if God can forgive and still continue to love us despite of our sinful human nature, then why can't we? Thanks for dropping by.
I actually have no reasons to keep an anger inside towards my dad, I love him no matter what he have done. But the hatred and grudges I am feeling right now for the person nor people who took away my fathers life? I have no idea if this feeling will melt. I actually do not want anybody to take away this darkness from me. I am still embracing the sorrow they caused to me and my siblings. I can't imagine accepting the the sorry of guilt if ever the time comes. I want to kill them in penance. I would love to hear their screams as they're being tortured. I will take what my father's deserve. They are evil.
I salute your mom @fycee... There are times that people made a wrong choice in life, but i admire you for being a good son despite of what happened...nakakaiyak sir!!! God bless you and your family !!!
Hehehe thanks po for dropping by. :) It's the first life story I have posted here on steemit. There would be more. Thanks to your contest po. :)
my heart felt as I read your blog. Being a father is always a father no matter what the situation is. Thanks for sharing @fycee
Being a father should always have the responsibility taken along with them to raise their own kids. Thanks for dropping by.
It is a sad story but we can only think of the happy memories spent with our loved ones before they were gone. In your case, you were still small and probably you hardly had the feeling of how he was. But we have to remember them in our hearts... bless you my dear.
Thank you so much for this heart-warming message mam mers. These happy memories that I carry with me are the things making me live a normal life. ^^,
This is soul touching.. thanks for being my thursday inspiration.
Thank you @mercyfayth
Will continue to inspire everyone. And let inspiring others have a domino effect on this wonderful platform we all dwell in.
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Ano.ba yan pinaiyak mo ako kanina umiyak din din ako
How old are you now dong?
Hello nay deevi, I'm on my mid-thirties na po. Nakakaiyak nga po. Pero wait till I post my father's days special.
Iba iba ang daloy ng buhay natin ang mahalaga kaya natin at nalalampasan lahat sa buhay..@fycee be good to your mom kasi tulad ng anak ko ng iisa lang din siya,walang katuwang sa anong mga bagay hirsp o sa ginhawa..
Awww Nay Deevi, thank you so much for this heart warming message. I really appreciate it. I love my mom so much and we treat each other as barkada. Though there is a certain level of respect pa din po. Minsan may mga bangayan din kami pero, pinipigilan ko na din po Ang sarili ko na Hindi sumabat ng pabalang at makakasakit sa damdamin nya. Maraming salamat po ulit sa pagbisita @olivia08.
You are so welcome dong