How soon did you know your therapist was a good fit? Was it one session or several? If a first session isn’t ideal, how many do you give it before moving on to someone else? I’ll have to “therapist-shop” in a few weeks and want to hear your experience starting with someone new.
This is my experience and not necessarily applicable to others. When it comes to making decisions I tend to rely heavily on the “I just know” feeling. That is of course informed by all my training and experiences so hopefully based on a sound, even if unconscious, analysis of the data involved. That is not the only way or even the best way to make a decision, though.
The first time I tried therapy I only lasted two sessions with her before I ghosted. Both sessions I cried nearly continuously (still not sure why) and in hindsight the red flags were numerous. But I didn’t know anything about therapist red flags back then. The dealbreaker for me had to do with the content of what she’d disclosed. A lifestyle choice which violated my moral code. Yes, my judgmentalism saved me as I likely would have been harmed had I stayed with her much longer. Even with just two sessions I came away from the experience believing I was simply not cut out for therapy.
When I found M, I was not looking for a therapist but a spiritual director and that’s what our initial consultation was about. I’d also interviewed someone else as a potential spiritual director and that inteview had gone very well.
M got me talking about my journey thus far, and when it came time to wrap up, he summarized my story in such a deeply understanding way that I was blown away. I swear I thought the man had superpowers. I didn’t want to admit it but I think it was also love at first sight. I left his office in a bit of a daze muttering to myself, “It would have to be the one that’s far away!” I let him know a couple days later that he was the one. We did spiritual direction for about six months, and then I asked if we could also do therapy, to which he said yes, and the rest is history. That was just under five years ago.
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