I too, went through a rather long and convoluted drug and alcohol journey, and I didn't even BEGIN to see a light at the end of the tunnel until I recognized my depression, at age 48 for gods sake.
I saw a commercial on TV for Zoloft (Sertraline HCL) when it was new around 2003
Do you have racing thoughts?
You find can't shut your mind off at night?
Do you find you are thinking in circles, never getting anywhere?
I thought to myself MY GOD! They are talking about ME!!!!
I contacted the VA, the only medical coverage I had at the time, and started on Antidepressants.
I am now fully convinced had I not done that, I would never have been able to begin a real journey of recovery.
It didn't happen overnight, but in 2007 I put myself into the VA Homeless Veterans Domiciliary, and was completely free of any recreational substance from 2008-2014, when one NY Eve I found myself alone in the house, with some money, a car, no one to see. So I bought a pint of cheap vodka (my drink of choice back in the day) consumed it over about 30 min and immediately began plotting how I could get more.
I had no more until 2018 when my right hip had caused me to loose my ability to play music, (well to move set up and use my equipment anyway)
2019 saw me get a new hip, but I was now drinking as a habit, but nowhere NEAR the level I once did.
So I'm still progressing IN LIFE, I bought a house in Dec 2020, where I now live, alone, but still I am doing what I want to do and I am no longer a slave to drugs and alcohol