Disclaimer: Parts of this post are written from the perspective of me before I went to rehab, and got on medication to treat my depression & addiction.
Ever since my childhood departed, I've lived a life of misery and despair. The world world once was filled with mystery & wonder. I felt a sense of magic radiating through the air, and life felt surreal. Every vacation was like a trip through the wardrobe to Narnia. Everything was new, and each adventure had me anticipating things in a completely illogical but awesome grandiose manner.
7th grade was where the magic ended and an angsty, bored teen with an addiction to computers was born. Since then I have spent every second I have free browsing the web, playing video games, and doing drugs. I have no clue what happened, but I assume puberty brought out the dormant depression, and anxiety. I was a very curious, intelligent, happy & friendly child, then puberty hit & it was like a switch flipped in my head, and I became tremendously depressed.
Why do humans live besides to squeeze as much pleasure you possibly can out of life before you die? I should just end it now, I thought... But there is an easy solution to the suicidal thoughts, and that is consuming copious amounts of drugs & alcohol. Why do so many people start working 60 hours a week, when they can just work far less and enjoy their lives doing drugs and or drinking?
Every day I think about shooting up a 40$ pack of fentanyl and ending it all, but something is stopping me. Will it all work out in the end? Can I really achieve happiness & become content before I die?
Photo Link
Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash
Well, it looks like you ended up here @sludlung, which can be extremely beneficial to you and all around you as well. Everyone goes through stages, and testing, and hopefully all come out on the other side like you have.
I have a suggestion for you for your image sourcing:
When you find the image, after you post it, go back to where it was and click on it.
When it opens in the separate window, and it's by itself, then take that URL and use that one for your sourcing, that way your reader goes right to it instead of having to hunt for it.
Here is the way I would do it:
[Jackson Simmer](https://unsplash.com/photos/ZxRHtPacwUY)and it would come out the same way, like this: Jackson Simmerexcept going to the actual picture instead of his full site. I have searched pics like that for a half hour and not found the one used because they've had 60 pages worth of images to look through hahaha.Good job on the post.
I will fix it, thanks for the tip.
This is a fairly heart-wrenching post. I hope you can find happiness.
I tend to go through stages of feeling down, sometimes it is as simple as just waking up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't know if it can help, as we're all different. But, some sort of creative outlet, I think, is important as it helps me to keep my head level. Write a poem, or learn an instrument, draw or write a story, pottery, or anything where you make something out of nothing. I've always had an idea that as humans we're all creative by nature. Which, when we don't have some form of a creative outlet, the negetivety builds up within us. Might be worth a go as any kind of creative hobby is cheap or free.
But, I'm not a doctor and have no education in any of that kind of stuff so could just be talking nonsense.
If you read my other posts, I found happiness after rehab. Writing and blogging is my creative outlet right now, it helps me feel like i have purpose in this world. God bless Hive.
I just seen this post as you had posted it in the terminal chat. Glad you're feeling better and that Hive has given you some purpose.
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I too, went through a rather long and convoluted drug and alcohol journey, and I didn't even BEGIN to see a light at the end of the tunnel until I recognized my depression, at age 48 for gods sake.
I saw a commercial on TV for Zoloft (Sertraline HCL) when it was new around 2003
I thought to myself MY GOD! They are talking about ME!!!!
I contacted the VA, the only medical coverage I had at the time, and started on Antidepressants.
I am now fully convinced had I not done that, I would never have been able to begin a real journey of recovery.
It didn't happen overnight, but in 2007 I put myself into the VA Homeless Veterans Domiciliary, and was completely free of any recreational substance from 2008-2014, when one NY Eve I found myself alone in the house, with some money, a car, no one to see. So I bought a pint of cheap vodka (my drink of choice back in the day) consumed it over about 30 min and immediately began plotting how I could get more.
I had no more until 2018 when my right hip had caused me to loose my ability to play music, (well to move set up and use my equipment anyway)
2019 saw me get a new hip, but I was now drinking as a habit, but nowhere NEAR the level I once did.
So I'm still progressing IN LIFE, I bought a house in Dec 2020, where I now live, alone, but still I am doing what I want to do and I am no longer a slave to drugs and alcohol
I am confident you can. You are 23 and I predict a future that’s one you can be proud of and happy with. As a mum I cannot even Imagine what happens in a puber brain but that stage will end some day! I would say you hit rock bottom and now THE ONLY WAY IS UP
stay focussed an positive and we will help.
So when you need to talk just ping us