Today I want to talk about some thoughts I have about authenticity, sincerity, spontaneity and self-acceptance. I originally had the idea of doing several posts, but since everything I would say is related to each other, I thought it would be better to do one post and go from one subject to another conveniently.
I will start by saying that I am a strong proponent of telling the truth whenever possible. I think sincerity is one of those things that one must commit to, always keeping in mind in all interactions to be sincere and true to oneself. I don't want to be an extremist, but I would say that one should try to tell the truth even when it brings one apparent inconvenience, because in the long run, I think it is much better to be truthful from the beginning.
I think that what is built on truth, using biblical analogies, is built on solid foundations. And when the thunder comes and the storm falls, it still stands. Whereas what is built on falsehood and lies cannot endure during the rainstorm. What is not grounded on truth, is not grounded on reality, i.e., it is not real, it only appears to be real in our beliefs.
I think anything you do by lying cannot be sustained in the long run because it depends on ignoring reality to maintain itself. It depends on that which is precisely unreal, and therefore cannot become true.
Probably the worst thing about lying is that it often appears to cause no harm. It seems that you can lie and get away with it, without consequences and without hurting anyone. However, it is subtle and it takes discernment to realize not only that lying is not only unhelpful but also detrimental.
I will say that the false cannot satisfy the most intimate and real needs of the human being. We need to tell the truth. We need to express what we truly think and feel. We feel much better when we can speak freely without worrying about how others will react, without having to think about what we say, but simply say what we think. We also need to hear the truth. Knowing what others really think, and not just listening to them say something that pleases us. To know the truth, even if it hurts.
And I think we are often tempted to lie, to tell a white lie here and there without wanting to hurt anyone. At the end of the day, one may think that it doesn't matter. But I think these lies are negative too. Because, when we feel the need to lie, even in small things, what does this mean? It means, I think, that we cannot be ourselves, that being honest and saying what we truly think and feel is negative. Perhaps the other person would not like it. And if you have to hide the truth from the other person to please them, or to spare their feelings, it's not a relationship where things are in the best interest of either of you.
It can also be seen in another way. If you are brave enough to tell the truth and test the relationship you have with that person (and it doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is), which will also test the relationship you have with yourself. I think that if one commits to tell the truth every time, mainly two things can happen; first, there are people who will drift away, they probably don't want to hear the truth, or are not interested in what we think, etc., maybe we do well staying away from these people; and secondly, people who do stay, we will have a much better relationship with those people, a relationship in which we can be ourselves, not pretend, say what we think, feel, whatever, and feel much more comfortable about it. This allows us to have much more real connections, I think.
It will also make one, in the long run, feel much less insecure or fearful and more confident in being authentic. And it is properly an act of self-love. To be faithful to oneself in spite of any opposition.
Of course, it takes some detachment in a sense. And trust.
This is what I think about it, which I say, not with scientific certainty, but as my own beliefs based on my experience so far.
Now, I think another form of sincerity is to avoid trying to be something different. Stop trying to be smarter, interesting, funny, brave, anything. This is related to a post I wrote some time ago. More important than being any of those things is to be genuine, to be yourself, to be spontaneous. I think if you stop trying to be those things to please someone or to make an impression or whatever, you can genuinely be them, which is way better.
One must make peace with all the opposing qualities, I think. Because sometimes you're smart, sometimes you're not, sometimes you're dumb. Sometimes you're funny, sometimes you're boring. Sometimes you're interesting, other times, not so much. It's normal, I think. You have to make peace with it. And focus more on being sincere.
It's like that George Harrison song says:
It's a game, sometimes you're cool, sometimes you're lame.
I think he expressed it perfectly and with carelessness. Which sums it all up.
It's a matter of self-acceptance I think. Of not trying to please anyone. Because you don't want someone who only likes you if you're smart, or funny, or whatever. No! You want someone who likes you even when you're not those things. When you are those things too, but also when you're not. Especially when you are authentic.
Perhaps more important than being any of these, is that you don't mind being any of these things. And that's where I'm going.
But it is probably better to be surrounded by people who appreciate you as you are. No effort should be made to try to please anyone, or to try to be something one is not. You simply have to be yourself and let the universe do its thing. Everything must fit perfectly.
So, I think it is a matter of self-love and self-acceptance, to be willing to say what we think and feel on every occasion, even if this is apparently disadvantageous, because in the long run, it will definitely be advantageous for one's own well-being. But it's a commitment, as I said earlier, because sometimes we don't realize how accustomed we can be to saying things we don't really mean simply to please others, or for similar reasons. It hurts our soul, I think. Even in the smallest things, when it seems even silly, I think it would do us all a great deal of good to be honest. In the long run, I think it's the best thing to do.
In conclusion, I will say that we should not hurt the most intimate part of us simply to get something external that, after all, is not right for us, since we have to be something different from what we are to have it. If we abandon ourselves, who then will give us refuge? Only by telling the truth can we find the right place for ourselves, the one in which we fit perfectly just by being us.
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I believe in telling the truth and it does affect my friendships. As you say some people don't want to hear the truth. As a result, sometimes we don't talk about the things that really matter, in which case I don't know if we can call it friendship anymore.
I was quite shocked to realize that there were people I considered very close, as in extended family members, but there were certain topics that were not allowed. Topics that would have been important to me and my siblings. This realization made me reconsider a lot of things.
Oh, I can understand what you're saying. Not everyone is comfortable speaking the truth. Maybe it's because it requires some degree of vulnerability to do so, and many people are not prepared for that.
But one must have faith, I think, that just as some people move away, there are others who come closer.