I'm pretty down lately and feeling completely uninspired to even write about anything. Maybe I should still write about this so I could look back someday. I would like to stick to my goals this year but I didn't foresee the serious setbacks along the way. I should have sufficient imagination to know that things can get worse.
I was talking to my friend @aleluzdosol77 last night and he offered to come down here. He is understandably getting sick of the United States and maybe he could help share this newly-built 2-BR apartment that I found. It is cheap by world's standards but if you are from here and you don't have a job, then you know it is expensive. If I'm going to share with someone, at least I know him quite pretty well. I am just so used to being on my own now. Sharing would ease the burden of my rent while I'm working on my startup. I believe my friend is going to like this island too. But still, I'm not counting on it as he has a lot of places to go to in this world. The other place that I really like with a huge backyard and lots of trees for Feliz is not going to me. Someone else is going to rent the whole backyard for business - it's all about the money. It sucks, I wanted that place so bad. I was already dreaming of planting trees, ha! I still have to worry about transferring my internet connection with a 3-year agreement. But hey, this is an island, don't expect fiber to work anywhere. Even power is very bad around here - I can't have it all ei! And just when I thought that moment with a flying cockroach was my worst night of all!
Sometimes I just want to sleep for a long time, wake up and everything is fine. Sometimes I hope the universe will just surprise me. But that is pretty boring and that is just not my life. Maybe this is just the PMS talking or I'm just getting confused with things lately. And no, I'm not going to give up, that's not in my language. I only end something when I have to start another thing. Here I am suddenly, feeling empty - emotionally and spiritually. But hey, I still show up and do the work.
Just because I think of something bad does not mean I want to attract it. It makes sense to lower my expectations sometimes. I like to see things clearly and all the worst possible scenarios so I could plan all the way to the end. I'd rather hear the painful truth and keep myself within the reality of things. But I'm here to find solutions and not let everything pile up and become overwhelming. In my experience, being hunky-dory all the time can crush me totally. Who told you that things are always pleasant anyway? I've been there, still there...trust me it can get worse. And when things are finally getting better, it's not going to stay there forever.
It is easier to walk away just because things don't go your way. Many times people just give up because things get difficult. But why do you get used to easy things? Why not get used to difficult things as well? I know that when things are going smoothly and are too good to be true, I get anxious. I get paranoid that people are trying to make me happy. I am not used to it. I am old enough to know that I should not expect anything from anyone... I start questioning myself - what's the catch? I want to know now.
Sometimes I feel like life just keeps getting worse. And just when I think I'm starting to make some progress, I will have another setback. I'll fall down the stairs and just keep falling. I can pretty much handle doing everything on my own but facing all the pain can be a bit too much... and sometimes I want to share it too. But then my only consolation is that when I look back, I know things had gotten better. So worrying is pretty much useless. Maybe this is just that time of the year to strengthen my backbone and inner spirit even more.
Alright you crazy rebel thing, you have been here before and you did beat the odds. You are only stronger this time around.
Thanks for the motivation! :)
You are always welcome. Just one favor. When things get better I want to read about the good times as well.
Sure you will!
It definitely sucks to not get the place you'd hoped for:( Those bloody flying roaches are evil omens:D
Hopefully, a friend will come and share the cost burdens of your new place when you get it.
Your anti-fragile and have been in worse spots...This should work itself out, though...
Tell ya what, I'll do a sad, sad, jazz piece for openmic this week...
We all need a good goddamn cry sometimes!
That sad, sad Jazz piece by @andrewmarkmusic is definitely what I need to hear!
Hey, I want to cry, too, as Bittrex has locked me out of my account for months now:( They make the central bankers look like angels and that's no easy feat!
Gosh, be careful. I'm sorry to hear that! Bittrex got $600 Alex's worth of sbd. Their cust service sucks.
Oh, yes, it does! But truth be told it doesn't bother me at all. It's all a part of the ongoing idiocracy that surrounds us and I much more than less have a spirit of equanimity about these things:)
My motivation is pretty low the last couple of days, probably even weeks, too.
But good question why getting used to easy things? I think the answer is often that we dont see how much we actually have grown.
Compare yourself to your former self when you were a child fe when problems were you will get the next candy from or homework were the biggest problmes and what you can handle now on your own.
When you have your first 10 franchises of your start up you will look back and think how "easy" it was to build it.
I know persistence is the key to anything in life. Yeah, hopefully, someday I will write about that these were just the easy parts. Thanks @flipstar.
I get anxious when things are going too well, too... and no matter how much inner motivation I can muster there are always slumps. Hope this one passes gracefully!
Thank you @therovingreader .
@diabolika, my recent depression helps me hurt for you. I understand little to motivation. I understand wanting to sleep away the hard times.
But as you have mentioned, I agree that we need to continue moving forward.
My thoughts and prayers are being offered up right now. Without my faith, I would have been a complete mess. I hope you have joy like I have known it. I hope you find PEACE.
Thank you!
These are the moments that test us to see if we are ready for the next level... you are ready!
Thanks that I have gotten past the previous level...whew!
lol... I feel like one of those checkpoint flag waver guys in mario kart.
lol
Hey! Deep breath. Center.
Let's break these issues down into a few bullet points and put together a plan to overcome each one, individually. You are a strong, intelligent woman with more than enough to overcome.
Don't let the sum total of your troubles overwhelm you. Break them down into smaller pieces and then smash them to hell. You got this.
Let's GO!
Yeah doing that now.
Thank you!
Its an anxious time of year apparently this coming Monday is the worst for feeling down in the whole year. In England they have actually made a day of it 'Blue Monday' thats got to make you chuckle.
But seriously this year is going to be great and you'll find you feet again and start on your project. I'll send some reiki vibes your way, make you self laugh it does wonders even if it forced X 💯🐒
Thanks for the positive vibes @vibesof100monkeys!
Your welcome always 💯🐒
suffering joy, the damnation of ease. the teeter is meant to totter. all of it fodder.
p.s. im drunk and cant help but write in strange poem form
No need for a disclaimer! Thanks for the strange poem.
Hang in there. I’ve been feeling like I’m in a funk too lately. I try to think of all the things to be grateful for...it helps 🙂
Good reflection on your feelings to be honest. I think acknowledging these thoughts are already a huge step in actually dealing with them. Take baby steps, dont go for everything at once. It will make it all smaller. Take care girliegirl!
Awww thanks!
I hope it all works out for you. This could be a blessing in disguise to get you up and moving onto your next adventure (new apartment)!
The landlord sounds shady with these new fees. Hopefully your internet contract can be transferred from one location to another!
Thank you!
The universe speaks with us through our experiences. Usually it’s saying something like “just chill...” This will pass ;-P don’t focus on the shit. Recognize it and move your thoughts to the good things you can find
Ok, so what's the catch? I want to know now too! :)
I've found that the catch is: Just as often as life can give you lemons, it can give you honey too! (I hear it's easier to catch a fly
ing cockroachwith honey than vinegar).But no giving of unsolicited advice. So I'm just going to sit here with my mouth covered by my hands :) You're a strong person. As long as you have faith in yourself, that's all you'll need!
yeh i agree with you that worrying about things is just useless when we watch our past we realise this was not big deal or problem in our past, which made us sad.
@diabolika hopefully your friend will join you at 2-BR apartment. But I am in doubt that you are really willing to stay there. How will you survive without internet connection and a lot of power failure. yes money do a great impact on your life. In the end my 2 cent opinion. life never remain same. after night dawn come. Thick and think days come in life so don't lose patience. keep yourself happy. one day you will be succeeded. All the best
Having kept a journal (of sorts) for the last four years, it is interesting how I always look back on the 'dark' days most fondly, probably because having survived it I do feel mentally more resilient and stronger.
What startup are you working on at the moment? I find it very useful to have a 'co-coach' (not life coach), someone who shares similar experiences or is in a similar situation that can keep you accountable and motivated to get through the tough times.
It's tough going through a rough patch, but it takes even more strength to be able to share your vulnerabilities. At least every time you are pushed to the limits mentally and physically you grow stronger :)
Thank you for these words emanating from the heart. I advise you to plan well and carefully and set great goals that deserve adventure and suit your potential and move forward in achieving them and not looking at the painful past so as not to feel defeat and frustration.
Nice article thanks for sharing your point of view