Source
I like to research destinations before I make any trip and my forthcoming trek to The Land Of The Free to the first Writers' Block meetup in Gatlinburg requires some investigation.
Documentation and Legalities
I booked my flights before checking this. Oops. Will I need a visa? Will I be turned away at the border or interned at Guantanamo Bay? Thankfully, this was quite easy to sort out. With a full British passport, all I had to do was apply for the visa waiver programme, confirm I was definitely not intent on terrorism or genocide, and voilà - within hours I had a thumbs up from the cuddly folks at the Department of Homeland Security.
Upon landing stateside, I should expect to be manhandled by super friendly TSA agents. Should they take a liking to me I can expect a full cavity search. I shall, therefore, endeavor to ensure I am at least wearing clean underwear and that I am neatly trimmed in all necessary places.
Language
I recognize that Americans make their own rules up for using my mother tongue. I shall, however, let most of this go - not wishing to offend my hosts. I will do them a favour and leave my spare letter U's at home along with my favourite brightly coloured armour, which incidentally is made out of aluminium.
I won't wash at the sink but at the faucet. I will walk on the sidewalk instead of the pavement. I will try to get used to the fact that gas is actually a liquid I know, weird, right?
Theatres don't exist. Litres are unheard of, as is jewellery.
Speaking of litres, I am at least glad that I spent much of my youth growing up in Italy, and am therefore quite conversant with the metric system so should I need to buy some gas petrol/fuel I will understand liters. Did I mention gas is now a liquid?
Crisps are chips, chips are fries. Doughnuts are donuts and jam is jelly.
Courtesy and Customs
Having spent much of my life watching US movies and TV shows I think I already know how to converse in a manner the locals are accustomed to. I will wish everyone a nice day at every opportunity, even if it is obvious that a nice day is far from being had. When visiting eateries or bars I shall ensure to tip everyone I come into contact with.
Prices do not include taxes. That's just weird.
Sarcasm and wit are not fully understood by our American cousins, so I shall reign in my sarcastic tendencies and make fart jokes instead.
Us Brits are a reserved lot. We tend to frown at smiling strangers, so I expect this will take a bit of adjusting on my part not to suspect smiling people of being weirdos.
Guns are for farmers and fox hunts here in the UK. I will fully expect everyone to be carrying at least a Colt 45, if not a fully loaded AR-15. I shall try not to ask passing officers of the law if I can try their gun.
It's a Question of Size
I realise not realize that England is the size of a national park in The States, heck, they probably have carparks bigger. Food portions are said to be yuuuuuggggeeee. Despite what my middle-aged spread might say, I don't eat that much. I therefore expect to eat probably once while in Gatlinburg.
Being a bit of a wine drinker I was however happily shocked to discover that wine comes in 3 litre sigh, liter bottles! I WILL have a nice day, thank you very much. Speaking of alcohol, it seems strange to a Brit that a pharmacy would sell you booze, cigarettes and machine guns. A pharmacy in the UK tries to keep you alive.
I hope all of this stands me in good stead for an enjoyable trip to the US. What could possibly go wrong?
Let me know your flight details and I can guarantee it for you mate.
A quick phone call and you can be sampling the delights of a fat fingered, humourless, pathetic, sociopathic rentacop of a TSA agent as he rummages through your luggage and dirtbox within 10 minutes of landing in the ‘Land of the Free’!
May as well shove a massive salami down your pants dude, if they’re going to feel you up you may as well impress them!
(",) They are not as bad as what you think.They are very strict that is for sure. They just want to make sure no terrorists and improvised explosives coming in the country. I think airline/airport personnel or TSA agents whoever handles our luggage does not have any pity on the luggage and content itself. It happened twice now that I had broken piece of something in my luggage traveling internationally.
:-D
Haha
I land on the 35th Augustember
hoho lol lol
If you are talking about Gatlinburg TN, such a fun place to visit.You will never get bored and for sure your fellows will entertain you a lot. I lived in some parts of MS and TN and some people that I met and became friends through the years are very hospital. Gatlinburg has a different atmosphere compared to places like NYC, Chicago and California. Don't forget to carry your ID at all times, can be a drivers license or any kind of identification especially if you go to the liquor store.They do not sell liquor and cigarettes under 18y/o. No liquor store is open on Sundays atleast here in my area. People carry guns here provided they passed a background ground. For concealed weapon you have to a have a license to carry it. Standard, metric measurements confuses me but its okay. You buy gas and milk by galloons .And so much more. I hope you have fun!
How long will you be in the states?
I would love if we could arrange for you to be on Hots or Shots!
(btw....technically, we kinda just had a Writer's Block meetup...a lil one but it still counts.)
Lol, I heard all about the meetup from @rhondak.
I will land on June 20th and leave on the 25th, would love to do shots...not sure about hots =D
Oh gosh, that would be EPIC. Can you and your crew swing up to Gburg or do we need to put Muxxy on another plane?
I'm about 10hrs away
I just snorted NOS backward through my nose.
This is hilarious, GMuxx. And Noby is right: not liters. Gallons. Pints. Quarts. Eh, we'll make sure you "have a nice day." LOLOL!
Don't forget the bushels.
Just point and mumble something and they'll love your accent and all will be well.
The End.
lol
I give you 3 hours before you're arrested and made to disappear.
TWB will then stage a rescue attempt to try and spring you from prison.
Well, we'll talk about it, anyway, then maybe write a story about doing it, and that will have to be good enough.
Fair enough...
I hope you have a great experience when visiting. I don't know where you'll be going, like you said, it's ... um ... "huge". There are regional differences that confuse even us.
For example up here in the North East, yeah, a pharmacy is where you get your medicine, and candy, and stuffed teddy bears.
Beer, wine and whiskey comes from ...
a package store.
Dunno why, maybe it's because they package your beer in a paper bag(?)
And wicked is a good thing.
Joe
@joe.nobel
science fiction, fantasy, erotica
have a wickid pissa trip
I shall be visiting Gatlinburg, TN
Actually, they don't do liters in the US. So expect to be amazed, despite your Italy experience. A gallon of anything will be good enough to keep you going for a bit though ;)
See? Confusion abounds...
Well, as you mentioned, wine comes in bottles measured in metric liters, or, more commonly, milliliters. (I've actually never heard of a 3-liter wine bottle, but I suppose it's possible; usually they're 750ml, or 1.5l for a "magnum.") Soda is commonly sold in 1-liter and 2-liter bottles… as well as 12-ounce cans and 20-ounce bottles.
Didn't know you grew up in Italy, where about? Enjoy your first USA trip and hug Rhonda on my behalf :)
There shall be hugs aplenty.
I lived about 30 miles from the French border in a small village called Tovetto. The nearest large towns were Sanbartolomeo and Diano Marina.
Amazing! :) hope to see you in London as well, after the states of course...ciao ciao!
Oh muxxy, now I know to walk on the pavement in London. :)
You should expect to find Batman, Superman, Spiderman and the mother of all Mc Donals.
And if you are lucky enough: this rare boi
Boot is to bonnet as trunk is to hood.
Lorry=truck
If you ask for a biscuit, you wont get a cookie.
Unless you want a plain, unsweetened scone, then ask for a biscuit.
Good luck! An enema might not hurt either.
Lol, thanks for the tips.
Should i add, use the elevator, not the lift? And throw the
rubbishgarbage? Im not sure... 😆Ooh, good ones, thanks.
I think being as Muxxy as possible would be far more entertaining XD
I guess they didn't think about the gas thing when they shortened gasoline? o_O
I shall endeavour to go full Muxx
Seems you pretty much have it all covered. ;)
Hope the America meetup goes well and that TSA doesn't give you too much fun.
Hey there! I hope you have lots of fun in the States. Life-long American scum here to dispel a couple things so you can better enjoy your trip.
For starters, despite all the minor lingo differences, Americans and British are really not as different as you might think. Many of my pals and coworkers over the years who have hailed from the UK have been surprised at how quickly they were able to slip into social norms. You may have some fun conversations at first about the origin of your accent, I suggest you play it up - Americans ladies are into it!
Secondly, remember that everyone's views of other countries are colored by the media's display. So if you're coming here expecting knife fights, cowboy hats, street wars and AK-47s, prepare to be disappointed. It's really safe here, I promise.
As mentioned by others, the size of the country is massive and there are lots of different kinds of Americans! Depending on where you travel to, your experience will be completely different compared to any future trip you decide to take. Enjoy your time! Don't focus too much on the little stuff and if you end up in Texas, make sure you get some barbeque. You'll never look at meat the same way again.
Is there african food in America ? if so have you ever tried any?
Hi,
Thanks for these tips and tricks, it's my dream to travel to America. Have a nice day!
You got a 3.90% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @gmuxx!
Want to promote your posts too? Check out the Steem Bot Tracker website for more info. If you would like to support the development of @postpromoter and the bot tracker please vote for @yabapmatt for witness!