This is fascinating - I think the only one that seems a bit off is forgiveness.
I have walked many many people through different kinds of trauma and abuse, and have only found people experience freedom and a release from their internal bondage when they forgive the person.
In every situation I strongly counsel individuals to seek the perpetrator out and communicate the pain and hurt, which generally helps the perpetrator actually repent. But even when the perpetrator does not repent, I have only seen internal freedom for people when they can forgive others.
They will maintain minimal trust with the other party, however are released from their internal prison of bitterness and hurt when they forgive.
thoughts?
I have worked with many people who have been raped and abused as children and have lived with this trauma hidden inside them for years. Telling them to forgive is offensive to them, whilst telling them they don't have to forgive is a huge relief and lifting of guilt for feeling they are a bad person for not being able to forgive.
People in trauma need to be supported and shown love and understanding and this huge global burden of having to forgive is too much.
If some people want to forgive and want to speak to the perpetrator and that works for them then great but the most traumatised people would go into huge panic and kill themselves rather than have to face the perpetrator again.
I have written a couple of articles on forgiveness, I've just added 'Am I a Bad Person if I Can’t Forgive Someone?" and I will add another article 'To Forgive or to Accept - What is the Difference?' later.
I guess it comes down to how traumatised a person is and what there definition of forgiveness is. I feel acceptance is a much better aim and is achievable.
Thanks for your comments, it is an issue that makes life so much worse for those already suffering.
interesting - I have had very different experiences - thanks for sharing
I'm sure most victims will be drawn to a healer who shares the same views. Many female rape victims will not choose to go to a male healer, far to traumatic for them.
Thanks for sharing your comments and experiences.
totally - i would love to have this convo in person - I think maybe there are some semantic differences...
In the area of sexual abuse, I see forgiveness as more allowing yourself the freedom to release the perpatrator internally. I have found that when people are harmful to you, the experience can linger internally essentially creating an internal fear or prison that you are trapped inside until you release them.
I would never allow someone I am counseling to individuals confront a sexual predator, I would use the law.
I think it comes down to what each person sees the word 'forgiveness' to mean. You talk about "the experience can linger internally essentially creating an internal fear or prison that you are trapped inside until you release them." I totally agree with this and my energy includes a lot of releasing emotions, hurt, trauma etc and this is essential for healing.
Many people see forgiveness as saying 'it was ok' or l'etting the perpetrator off the hook' and this causes big issues. No abuse is ok.
The main thing is that the victim is given loving, support and help with what feels right for them. I've heard healers say on calls that the person will not heal if they don't forgive, this is so wrong. No one should force their beliefs on someone else and this is what upsets me most. Healers should give, support and not dictate! I'm sure you agree because I can feel you are a loving person with integrity!