I've had so much trouble describing what you so easily placed into words just now.
Standing in the middle and observing is one of the loneliest places on the planet these days. Taking it all in, rather than, half. It's like being surrounded by walls. The doors are locked. Both sides looking at you through the windows only see you standing in the other room with, them.
Both sides are loud, but there is not a peep coming from the middle. And if it does try to make a sound it quickly gets drowned out by all the noise coming from the neighbors.
It's eerie.
Thank you, it's soothing to hear similarities in perceptions.
For me, the room with the walls and windows is a metaphor for my prison. Outside this prison cell, life goes on and other issues and worries and moments of happiness can be found, which, because they exist in complete ignorance of the room, have their nevertheless existing reality.
The "middle of society" has never been particularly interested in depth, and perhaps that is just as well... This middle therefore seems to me at times like hell and heaven in equal measure.
Loneliness gives me feelings of despair and isolation just as it offers me the most beautiful ideas for authentic artistic creation. Sometimes, when things are going well, it awakens the ever-laughing mischief.
I wish you merry Christmas from the far and hope, you'll spend it in the midst of some love and trust.