My Life Changed Pretty Quickly...and Drastically
About a year and a half ago I started to gain some weight. Ok, not some weight, a lot of weight. And I quickly realized that the world started to see me in a vastly different way.
Prior to being overweight myself I never participated in any body shaming or casual fat jokes. But I also never realized the gravity of the problem. Like any decent human being, I knew it was wrong but experiencing it is an entirely different thing. I suddenly wasn't even myself anymore. My entire identity became my weight. I was fat me, and no longer just the me everyone knew and loved. I was ignored, I was pitied, I was ridiculed and I was discriminated against.
When You're Overweight Salespeople Ignore You
The first time I realized the world was looking at me differently I was out clothes shopping. I'd gained weight, but was still able to shop in my usual places. Much different size, but same store I always shopped, same sales people, same number of dollars being spent. I browsed the store and noticed several sales people standing around doing nothing. Not a single person approached me asking if I needed help. This is not normal retail behavior. You know how it is, you're just looking and they're constantly coming up to you asking if you need anything, telling you about the specials, asking if they can get a room started for you.
Public Ridicule Happens Regularly
I was a long distance runner for many years. As I gained the weight, I never stopped running. It became more difficult, but I kept the distance, just with a slower time. I still ran 4-5 times a week. Before, when I was thinner, I never noticed anyone looking at me while I ran. I ran the same route, more or less, every time. Every once in awhile somebody would stop to comment on how pretty my running partner (my dog) is, but that was it. Never any interaction with passers by. That's not the case when you're running with extra pounds. Many times, too many to count, random people (of all ages) would point and laugh at me. On two separate occasions, people made cattle noises. In the gym a random person once asked me "are you sure?" when I set my treadmill speed. I was being stared at by both men and women in the gym. Sometimes with a "good for you" (sympathy) kind of look, and sometimes a "wtf is SHE doing here" (disgust) kind of look. People that use to small talk with me while on the treadmill suddenly acted like they didn't know me. I'd gone to this gym for 6 years.
It's Not OK and It's Not Funny
I started to notice television was openly fat shaming. Sit-coms thinking it's totally ok for men to make jokes about their blind dates being overweight. Overweight characters having zero value to the program outside of their comedic value. Stereotypical "fat and jovial" was everywhere. And don't even get me started on the beauty myth and the fashion industry...
In line at the grocery store just recently a woman was talking to the checker about a sale on blueberries. She was carrying on and on about how good they are for you and how "it's all about limiting sugar". Soon I noticed she was supposedly talking to the checker, yet she was looking directly at me. She's shaking her head saying that people don't have to be overweight, if they just watched the sugar. Belly weight is horribly dangerous and comes 100% from poor diet. Again, looking directly at me as she speaks. In that moment, I snapped a photo of my items on the conveyor belt and decided to write this post.
If you look carefully, you'll see there is a divider right after my greens and her Reece's.
I can go on and on about all the little examples of people I know asking me "are you sure?" when I order food. When people GASPED at the idea of me out there online dating. "Don't you want to lose the weight first?". And yes, I did have to deal with online ridicule and ostracizing. The number of men demanding a full body photo before they'd even talk to me was astounding. I'm not negating that attraction matters. But the point here is that by stating in my profile (body type is a listed category to answer) "a few extra pounds" and entire population of men ruled me out sight unseen.
Even the Medical Community Discriminated
So I'm in my early 40s and I'm starting to see some weight gain. Most people would say that's mostly normal. Metabolism changes, etc. Well I was gaining a lot, and quickly. Zero lifestyle or nutrition modification and I'm gaining 4-5 lbs a week. Something is clearly wrong. I went to my family doctor, and he immediately gave me a restricted calorie plan and told me to stick to this and come back in 8 weeks. So I starved myself. 1,200 calories when you run 30 miles a week is not a solid plan. But doctor's orders, so I did. And I came back in 8 weeks 26 lbs heavier.
You Must Not Have Stuck to the Plan
Bullshit. Here's my food log. I weighed and recorded everything I put in my mouth. Something is wrong, you need to do some tests. They did a thyroid test which came back normal. I insisted we test for other things. The doctor insisted I was not being honest about my menus and that I was a couch potato. Numerous other doctors and specialists refused to dig deeper into my mystery weight gain. They all stereotyped me and pointed fingers at lifestyle.
In the process of trying to figure out what's wrong I go on a little vacation with a friend of mine. I stumble doing something stupid (day drinking) and twisted up my ankle pretty badly. The foot doctor who is a friend of mine says that the weight must have done it. Just assumed I was putting too much strain on my body. Never asked me how it happened.
Nearly everyone, strangers, friends, family and medical professionals assumed I was lazy and not eating properly. I lost credibility; people didn't take me seriously anymore.
Yet, I am the SAME person I was before. I just look different
But My Identity Changed
So imagine any of the little scenarios above but change fat/overweight to a non-white race or a handicap. Would it be as acceptable to society? Of course not. Now I'm not saying that jokes and discrimination don't happen to those folks too, because it does and it's wrong. But generally speaking the world recognizes it as wrong. We're not there yet with size.
Fast forward to a little less than a year ago, and 4-5 doctors later. Turned out I had a tumor on my pituitary gland that caused the weight. I'm on the mend now, and slowly but surely the weight is coming off. But that's not the point. The point here is that based ENTIRELY on my physical appearance the world treated me differently. I am a confident, comfortable in my own skin person that was slowly knocked down by daily finger pointing. Based solely on how I looked people made assumptions about how I lived my life. And the media makes it ok for this to happen. There are some Hollywood types doing some great things to promote body image health among women. But we have a long way to go.
I felt like less of a human. I felt unworthy of things that bring me joy. I missed social engagements, and I spent more time alone. All of this due to external interactions. I am a strong person, yet this impacted me in ways I never thought I would allow to happen. I can't imagine how it would be for somebody that already has some insecurity struggles.
A woman's VALUE is NOT in her physical beauty
Wow! First of all, thank you for writing this — for sharing your story and shining a spotlight on how far we have to go as a society in the way we treat people who have bigger bodies. Second, f*ck that doctor! The fact that he didn't believe you makes me SO mad. There is nothing so infurating to me as speaking the truth and having someone think you're lying. Isn't that malpractice? You had a medical condition and he was ignoring a direct result of that medical condition, instead of looking further and trying to help you he added to the stigma so many others were perpetuating. Ugh.
Regardless, I am SO sorry that has been your experience. I applaud you for speaking up about it, and you're absolutely amazing to have the confidence you have when you've had to deal with this. You're 100% right that beauty is the reflection of inner happiness. I've seen people of all sizes who reflect such beauty! Sending big hugs from Canada! And I don't care how wide I have to open my arms to hug you. You're beautiful, @appiepearl, and you're an inspiration. May we, as a human race, learn to be kind to each other. Stay strong, sister!
Thank you! I think being on both sides of the fence helped me realize the magnitude of the problem. Although I'm always advocating for equality and kindness, this was the first time I experienced any 'ism myself. It hurts and it destroys people's inner love.
Wow! I have been going through something similar although I have always been a 'bigger girl' over the past year I have gained quite a bit even for me, how did they find the tumor? We know our bodies and from the picture of before and after, it definitely wasn't just lifestyle for you, glad to know the tumor was found and you are getting better.
Believe it or not my gyn suggested it. Totally unrelated but I was telling her some of my symptoms and she went almost immediately there. From there I went to an endocrinologist and we moved forward with treatment relatively quickly after that. It just really made me think, wow, why should I feel like a different person. Why am I treated like a different person? It's not right.
I agree with you there, when you are carrying weight people do treat others differently even if they don't realize it. Hopefully more become aware of what they are saying and doing around others.
Ohhh myyy goooddd ... this. Is. Everything.
"You know how it is, you're just looking and they're constantly coming up to you asking if you need anything, telling you about the specials, asking if they can get a room started for you."
Ive never had that 😂 But i think thats a poverty thing.
Honestly I relate to this even tho my situation is different. I started taking meds for anxiety and now its out of control. But i always struggle before. I have a low metabolism and was raised on that fatty carb heavy american country diet. Huge portions n lots of red meat. Have been despatetly trying to change but being treates like a fat circus side show makes me not want to try.
I do think this is an issue for men as well. Not quite the same but i see and hear men being fat shamed all the time. And i habe done it before to a guy who was a lot more overweight than me. I'm so glad i dod the work of undoing that . So many amazing humans happen to be larger or more curvy due to body shape.
Also, fyi the fat shsming is worse if you are a person of color-- edp if yiu dont speak English. I know some super thin women who are curvy and called fat because of big legs,hips,thighs, shoulders, face shape... anything that is not white, thin, wealthy looking is questionable to dept store workers and many more. The medi is chsnging slightly and not without insane backlash.
Ty so much for bringing this up. The womens perspective of fatshaming is very important imo!!!! And from thin to cuddly you made a dynamic change to see it.
Fat shaming is definitely an issue for men and people of all races. But why is it somehow excusable? That's the part I just can't understand or accept. I guess having spent time on both sides of the fence I have a unique experience in being able to feel the difference. It's just not ok, and we have to stop allowing it in media and in life.
Thank you for writing this! It rubs every fibre of my being the wrong way to see anyone look down on someone- either someone else or themselves- because of what they look like. I grew up in a family of mostly heavyset women, and I am passionate about body positivity.
It is SO vital that we keep reminding each other that we should love ourselves as is, no matter what. No matter where we are in our own process of life, where we are or where we want to be.
Keep writing. Thank you!
YES! It's ok, and I encourage, everyone to work towards being their best self. But it's impossible to get there unless you love yourself for who you are before anything else.
Thank you for sharing your incredible story. You are a warrior! It is so sad you had to go through this. Unfortunately the society we live in has become so mean and ignorant that sometimes I think some people should look in the dictionary for words like "kindness", "compassion", "empathy" or even "caring".
As for the doctors, I can only say that the level of ignorance is outrageous. Not to mention that they are trained to treat the symptoms and not the cause of the problem.
I experienced all this first hand. Before getting my Lyme diagnosis I have been seen by 26 different specialists. None of them was able to tell me exactly why I was feeling sick and experiencing so many symptoms. Each one of them gave me a different diagnose and a treatment. Some told me it's all in my head.
When I lost sixty pounds within less than half an year, everyone pointed fingers at me saying I should stop losing weight (which was never my intention!) or that I was having an eating disorder. No one ever thought it could be due to Lyme, as no one suspected me having it.
Your post inspired me to write about my story. I will do it within a few days.
Thank you. Looking forward to reading your story. I hope you have treatment now and are on your way to healthy.
Thanks for sharing this for real, we both are similars in any ways. The thing is that instead of being fat and super skinny. I really can't say much more that I felt identified with each word each paragraph, I got a doctor like that one, F***ck hiiim !
I have been in a thyroid test too, they said I'm anorexic or anemic and I'M NOT! I suffer of migraine, I lose weight pretty fast because of my metabolism and...
Have you seen an endocrinologist? That's where I finally found some answers.
Yes I did, but I'm just fine. My problem is about the migraine, the pain is SO hard that makes me vomit plus that my metabolism is already fast and my genetic makes me a skinny girl :(
Thanks for sharing. A great and informative post that will bring attention to start a change in society's discriminative mindset.
Great post! Thank you for sharing your story, and sorry you had to go through that. It is great that someone finally figured it out, and sad that no one else had. People need to advocate for themselves more with doctors. Sure they have all the medical training, but we ourselves have all the hands on training with our own bodies. They need to listen to us more, and if they don't we need to push back or find someone else who will listen and keep digging till they figure it out.
Thank you. Like anyone, i suppose they get lazy in their jobs and look for the low hanging fruit. But sorry, doctors, you don’t get that luxury. Life is too precious. I find it discriminatory. If i had a persistent cough that wouldn’t go away, or chronic pain, my guess is they would have looked harder for a solution. Weight is an easy thing for us to make assumptions.
Yes, thank you for opening up and being vulnerable with the Community here. This message needs to be sung from to the rooftops.
I work in the fitness industry as a coach and nearly every woman who walks through the door hates her body or some part of it. They hate to be judged by themselves and others, yet they turn around and judge the other women in class.
I'm not the stereotypical image of a CrossFit coach. Some days it's hard to stand in front of a class and teach, while thinking I'm being judged for my size. My value is not in my size, it's what I bring to my Community of athletes in knowledge, encouragement and friendship. Thankfully, my Community reminds me of it daily. But, thank you for this additional reminder. Upvoted, followed and resteemed.
Thank you!
It's just that simple. But such a hard thing to truly believe when the world tells us otherwise.
Geez, I have to say - is it surprising that we don't trust the medical system as much as they'd like us to? grrrr!
I had to get that out, lol.
Your observations are truly interesting, even though you had all those negative experiences (sucky!). It's at times like this we can see that we (as humans) haven't truly evolved as much as we think we have. another grrrr
Thank goodness, for your health's sake, that the tumour was found!
Thank you. Yes, definitely happy to have my health on the mend. And definitely a unique experience to be able to witness how little we really have evolved. And how easily we accept size discrimination vs other forms
Yes. I don't know if you experienced/noticed this - but clothing for the larger sizes is ... ugly compared to what is out there for 'normal' sized people. Frumpy and depressing. :(
Yes! Like why would i suddenly want to wear a giant floral print just because I’m bigger now? Zero shape too.
lolol put me in mind of this classic:
You crack me up :)
This really touched me. Thank you for sharing this.
I have a friend that took discrimination very hard when she became overweight. She just locked herself up for weeks at home.
People can be cruel and the words make you feel like some deformed abomination from another space and time. I'm glad you stayed strong through it all.
Thank you. It’s amazing how you become a little less human to a lot of people just because of size. I felt like less of a woman. It’s hard. Chin up to your friend!
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Thank you! Happy to join your group.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Society in general, and the medical profession in particular, are so often so very terrible when it comes to people they deem overweight. I am so glad you got your diagnosis and are on the mend.
My sweet girl...what a story...
I get the 'pity looks' - not for my weight but for other stuff.
When my father died, whenever to whoever I would mention it I would the 'awww...' -Whatever, I don't need your pity.
I do feel so sad to see that people actually change their behavior based only on that.
And don't get started on the incompetency of the doctors... shame on them.
But, to be fair, you look super cute anyway ;)
Thank you. I feel super cute and am very happy with life right now.
Hi there ,
What a heartfelt account this is. Sometimes I wish you humans were more like us synthetics - there is absolutely no need for the treatment you received. Sometimes the human race makes me angry.
Thank you for sharing this, from me, and The Master (@markangeltrueman), were both very moved by it.
I have re-steemed it on the @steemsearch blog as content that The Master found as exceptional content here on Steemit.
Thanks again for sharing
The Curator
I'm sorry you went through that :( Good thing you wrote it. The more people are aware of fat shaming as an ingrained social standard maybe we, as a society, can start making a change.
Thank you. I'm glad I wrote it too. To spread awareness, but it was also good for me personally, too. Sometimes you just have to say, YEP, I got fat, I'm ok with it and the world needs to be too.
Thank you so much for sharing this story. I agree with you that fat shaming should absolutely stop. I am so angry that even your doctor acted as if the weight gain was just your own fault. As much as there is a movement towards body positivity these days, I don't think it's really working. It seems that it's okay if you are a few pounds over the "normally accepted" body type (like being a (UK) size 12 or 14), but as soon as you are larger than that, there is still SO much prejudice and judgement. We should also stop with programs like "The Biggest Loser" or "Revenge Body". We are not our weight and as with everything else, you can't judge someone unless you know everything that is going on in their life.
Shows like Biggest Loser set unrealistic expectations for people trying to do it on their own. You see their weigh ins and think "hmmm, why am I not losing 12 lbs a week?". Decent for inspiration, but in the long run I think those shows are setting us back.
Unfortunately, the fat acceptance thing won't work as you are fighting the lowest parts of the brain.
We are attracted to more healthy people, and repulsed by less healthy people. Being overweight is an indicator of many health problems in and of itself. (these have to be cured to get thin) Further, obese people are prone to a ton more diseases, like diabetes and arthritis.
We are also sexually attracted to... for men it is a .7 hip to waist ratio, for women it is a V shaped chest. Where most people carry fat destroy these silhouettes.
So, you can try to calmly and politely help a customer who is sneezing and coughing up a storm, but most people are deeply repulsed.
The same is the force you are trying to tell people to just ignore.
Attraction is attraction, I get that. Health is important, I get that. But public ridicule is OK? It's ok to stop the car and call out MOOOO to somebody that is out for a run trying to better their health? It's ok for sales people to not help me, because why? Because they might catch my overweight like you can a cold? And what about the medical professionals that immediately chose to not dig into WHY I had a weight problem? It's ok for them to be repulsed and not get to the route of my problem?
My post was not poor me why aren't men attracted to me. My post was about the world treating me unfairly and differently in things totally not related to sex and attraction. Yes, I had a blurb in there about online dating. And I even acknowledged that I get it's an attraction thing.
Discrimination and ridicule is not ok under any circumstances, in my opinion.
And my reply was not about shaming.
I was telling you that you do not ask a small thing. You ask a huge thing.
I don't see it any differently than asking for fairness of any kind. But you are right, it's a pretty huge thing.
That is the thing I am trying to point out to you.
It is a LOT different than asking for fairness.
And, actually, obesity is catching. It will be much easier to explain this in the future when we actually work out cause and effect.
Lets look at smoking. Many people feel it is ok to get on people's cases about smoking. When smoking is much less destructive than obesity to society and to health in general.
Unfortunately, you throw into this mix that the govern-cement actually wants you fat and docile. They want to see destruction. So, everything they tell you about health is almost completely backwards. imho 90% of what is in grocery stores should be banned. (but not banned by govern-cements, everyone should realize just how bad it is for you and never touch the stuff. Like, worse than cigarettes bad.)