Sitting here in the driver seat of my car shivering a good deal and supping on a most generous passenger-side spread of oyster crackers and generic spam-like luncheon meat straight from the tin can's mouth like a goddamn champ I can't help but marvel at how wondrously lucky I am to have arrived at such a fortuitous place in life. I really need to take a shit but thankfully since I have no access to a bathroom and the snow is falling far too heavily to make the woods a feasible option at the moment I'm feeling rather forced to slap the act of emptying my bowels back onto the back burner till the weather improves a bit. Naturally enough, I'm chuckling to myself as I ponder on all the miserable little sheeple relaxing in their nice warm little houses down in the horrifyingly picturesque and cozy little mountain town whose hellishly rustic spaces and surrounds would normally appear directly below and before me now if not for all the thickly distributed clouds of this present and uncomfortably welcome tempest. To think that I myself might have been relegated to such unrelenting terrors had the gods not seen fit in all their matchless wisdom and mercy to bestow upon me from birth that basic instinct to eschew proper society as the poisonous trap so few people seem to realize it actually is! Aye, I must say I am eternally grateful to the heavenly powers that be for my precarious wanderings beneath this blotted-out sun; I have certainly done well by them. A great big smile spreads across my face as I pour myself another mugful of bottom-shelf whiskey to numb my body against the cold and contemplate with a fully contented sense of existential dread my want for some of life's barest of necessities. I try my best to recall if, when, where, and how I've ever been happy with the likes of such trifles as readily available electrical outlets, reliable WiFi, and indoor plumbing that can be accessed anytime regardless of one's mental state, but I simply cannot do it. Sooner than later I'm sure the wind will die down sufficiently to afford for me self-extracting from my car and standing fully erect for more than a couple seconds without getting blown to shreds. 'Tis certainly a wonderful life, is't not?
Happy things.
We say it, but you've been missing the small print. I'm glad I live here, as long as I focus on the people that don't suck.
I probably am not qualified to answer these questions though, as I'm not the happiest of people at the moment.
I'm curious about that half-pessimistic bottle. Are you optimistic while drinking the first half, or is the second half the optimistic one? Oh I see, the entire bottle is a pessimist and you had it half empty. If alcohol can have a personality, I'd say whiskey is the pessimist out of the lot. Wine leans to the optimist direction. Fruity mixed drinks are probably the stupid happy sorts. I'm sticking with wine.
Probably true. Either that or I'm hanging around the wrong people.
I'm actually not sure what I meant but I thought it was funny to assign a bottle a personality trait as a reference to the glass half-empty/half-full debate.
!BEER :)
I do think that whiskey bottle has a lot of personality. Reading this made an image pop into my head from earlier today. I was picking up groceries this evening at one of those curb-side pick up parking spots, and the employee was bringing out two carts - one for me and one for some other guy - and hauling them awkwardly through the parking lot. As the employee got into the middle of the parking lot lane, a car that was driving slowly began to approach him, but at that lazy meander speed it certainly looked as though it was going to stop. But it didn't. The employee had to dive out of the way at the last second as the car hit the breaks within an inch of ramming the carts. The employee looked on with a powerfully dry expression that might have turned a lush lawn into a parched desert. I looked him over, and he had that sort of dark facial hair that wasn't shaved in 48 hours that looked like black sandpaper scratches across a white piece of furniture. He had thin rimmed glasses and an air of sarcastic intelligence about him. I asked, cheerfully - because cheerful is just how I do - if this was the first time he had almost been run over. He almost wanted to smile, but his dry personality forbid it. He said "yes" in a pessimistic tone, as though he fully anticipated a repeat incident on his way back across the parking lot. "People are crazy," he said with a distinct contempt for all of humanity, or at least most of it.
I'm pretty sure that guy was the human version of your whisky bottle.
I like how that guy sounds. If it were me though I would have at least rapped on that car's window nice and hard as it went by. That's probably why he still has a job and I would've gotten fired. !PIZZA
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BEER.Hey @ginnyannette, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @brandt for you. Enjoy it!Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the
BEERKING.I'm not sure if you know this already but they don't have Colorados on Mars. Or oyster crackers.
That's alright, I know Mars has lots of mountains and Colorado has way too many people so I think I will be fine. It will probably take a while to get used to not having oyster crackers though.
Maybe you can use the oyster crackers to line your spaceship for insulation. Then when you land you'll at least have some to tide you over until you set up your greenhouse.
Are you saying you can grow oyster crackers in a greenhouse? I hadn't even considered that option.
You can! You plant them in the dirt and they grow into oyster cracker grass. You have to collect each individual cracker by hand because farm machinery will crumble them. That's why they're so expensive.
Maybe if I buy some oyster cracker grass seed in bulk I will be able to afford it. Most of my savings are already invested in the Mars colonization mission but let me just go log into every single cryptocurrency exchange I've ever had an account on and see if I can scrape some extra change together.
Wow, this is really exciting seeing your enthusiasm over my suggestion. Maybe we could start and oysterprenuerial venture. I'll supply the seeds, you go plant them on Mars, we both get rich. Somehow. Hi.
Whisky and tinned meat in a car is all a man needs. Indoor plumbing can go fish.
You are right! If you can't be bothered to shit in a hole in the woods like a real man then you are no man at all!
Now thats mannity! !PIZZA
This !PIZZA is so manly that when you eat a slice it'll make you want to go shit in the woods immediately!
With a knife between my teeth!!
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